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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel humiliated over a fiver

112 replies

Problemafterproblem · 26/09/2022 11:53

Is asking a close relative for a loan of a fiver till the next day or two a big deal? I lost my bank card and was waiting for a replacement. It was purely a cash flow problem, not a cash-less one. I've never asked before and was told off quite severely! I see this relative two or three times a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Problemafterproblem · 26/09/2022 14:33

Thanks everyone. I do feel better now and I appreciate the responses.

OP posts:
orbitalcrisis · 26/09/2022 15:37

I wonder if they are covering up some financial problems. It would be a very good way to deflect if they are!

Amazongirl9 · 26/09/2022 15:45

I am so sorry that this has made you feel so awful. A fiver here and there, especially between family shouldn’t become an issue. They seem to have a very strange attitude.

Eightiesgirl · 26/09/2022 15:47

I'd have given the fiver to you if you'd been my relative, friend, neighbour etc. Anyone can find themselves in a situation where they are without money and if I hadn't had the cash I'd have certainly given the person whatever I had in my cupboards to help them out and I am on a very low income. You certainly find out who your friends are when times are hard and it's not always the most well off people who are the most generous.

SpinningFloppa · 26/09/2022 15:48

You should have asked to transfer your OWN money to their account then use their card to withdraw it that’s what most people would do and that’s what my bank advised me to do when I had this issue I wouldn’t have asked for money.

Fladdermus · 26/09/2022 15:53

Your parent? I'd give my child the shirt off my back if they needed it. I can't believe they'd kick up a fuss over their own child asking to borrow to £5. I'm not surprised you're upset OP. They're unbelieveable.

Pemba · 26/09/2022 15:55

Really Spinning? For a fiver? And I would have thought it more inconvenient for the lender to hand over their own bank card, what if they needed to use it themselves? Then the inconvenience of going to the ATM ...

SpinningFloppa · 26/09/2022 15:55

Pemba · 26/09/2022 15:55

Really Spinning? For a fiver? And I would have thought it more inconvenient for the lender to hand over their own bank card, what if they needed to use it themselves? Then the inconvenience of going to the ATM ...

You go with them obviously...

Pemba · 26/09/2022 15:57

Yes maybe but in many areas it's a long trip to an ATM. And for such a pootling amount of cash. I don't really think this is what 'most' people would do.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/09/2022 15:57

They should be embarrassed about their reaction. Deeply embarrassed.

Sorry OP how crap of them.

hugefanofcheese · 26/09/2022 16:02

How unkind over a fiver. I could understand if they were embarrassed about being short themselves or you were always asking and never paying back but most people would want to make sure you were at least able to buy bread and milk for the next day or so. I remember dropping my card one lunchtime and a colleague my mum's age whom I didn't know too well insisting I took £20 until I got a replacement 'just in case'.

SpinningFloppa · 26/09/2022 16:07

Pemba · 26/09/2022 15:57

Yes maybe but in many areas it's a long trip to an ATM. And for such a pootling amount of cash. I don't really think this is what 'most' people would do.

most People don’t carry cash so would need to go to the ATM anyway

AuldReekie1905 · 26/09/2022 16:20

No, not unreasonable and I would've given more than a fiver if needed.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/09/2022 16:21

Chastised you? over a fiver for DC's lunchboxes? Especially when they visit your home 3 times a week for tea etc.. I'd charge them for the tea next time!
What else do they chastise you about when they are there?
I'd find it hard to put up with that.
Everyone has a small crisis now and then like a lost card at one time in their lives. What happens when you have a bigger problem?
You are a parent and an adult, you turned to the people you see frequently for temporary help in an emergency. They are the ones who should feel embarrassed. I once had to ask my mum for help to pay my train fare to work and I hated to do it, I would have felt so much worse if I'd been told off for it.

whatsup00 · 26/09/2022 16:23

I would always try to help out. I know what it's like to be on your side of this.

whatsup00 · 26/09/2022 16:24

Sorry, being short of money - not with the issue with parents. I'm sorry that she made you feel bad.

stripeyzeb · 26/09/2022 16:26

Can you access online banking? When I lost my bank card, I transferred £50 to a family member online and he got it out in cash for me.

excelledyourself · 26/09/2022 16:38

That's really rotten, OP.

No one in my family would bat an eye at that. My mum figure would give me the money and likely try and give me the contents of her fridge!

At least you know you'll never treat your own children like that Flowers

CamillasToe · 26/09/2022 16:39

My mum used to be have a strange attitude to lending even small amounts. She would be pretty shaming in her response, very defensive and treat asking for something like a fiver as though I was extremely irresponsible in life to be asking!

She's always been paid back btw!

She's not that way anymore as a few things have happened in her life which have led to her evaluating the overall significance of money.

ancientgran · 26/09/2022 16:43

I gave someone £5, it was someone at work, I wasn't friendly with them but they were short and asked and I gave it to them and said not to worry about it. I can't believe a grandparent would do that. I can't quite get my head round it.

Choconut · 26/09/2022 16:48

Wow a parent, I was thinking it must be some ancient great aunt who is extremely tight or something, I never would have thought a parent would behave like that.

ancientgran · 26/09/2022 16:48

Don't make them a cuppa when they come round. If they ask say you don't have any tea/milk/sugar to spare (which ever doesn't matter.) Personally I wouldn't give them the time of day after that let alone a hot drink and a warm welcome.

As a GP I find their reaction terrible.

skgnome · 26/09/2022 16:52

A fiver? No way!!!
if it was £50 I would understand they maybe asking if you could transfer them the money so they could take it out for you
or if they were struggling, same, send me the money and I’ll take it out
but for a fiver? Someone that has no financial issues, it’s just mean!

W0tnow · 26/09/2022 16:54

Decent parents would insist you take a lot more than a fiver and would be checking in with you today to make sure you had your card sorted. Pretty sure plenty of average mothers would do the same. I’m really sorry yours didn’t!

Bundlebungle · 26/09/2022 17:09

I lost a credit card and cancelled it on my bank app. The bank also cancelled my debit card and pay by phone method at the same time!

People at work, that I barely knew, who heard the subsequent phone call to the bank offered to lend money to me. I also know I could have asked any family member, who would have quickly helped, if that puts it in perspective for you, op.

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