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Original poster

What would you think?

37 replies

Needahotwaterbottle · 25/09/2022 21:40

In my dh's Facebook account, in the Shop section, in the 'For You' bit, which is described as 'based on your shopping activity', there was a pic of a woman in sexy underwear. Black, kinky, porno style. Needless to say, he's never bought me any like this. (Or any underwear at all, actually.) Best case scenario: does he just not have settings on to filter this out? Not so good scenario- Does that mean he's left those settings off cos he looks at whatever online? Worst case- this would only come up if he's been buying this stuff...for someone else...for himself?! What comes up for you on your FB shopping page? Tbf, when I scrolled right, right down through mine I did finally see a post for kinky underwear, and that's not based on my shopping choices! But the ones at the top related to actual stuff I've searched. I only had a v brief glimpse at my dh's phone so don't know if there's loads like this...

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 25/09/2022 21:48

Mine is all clothes and skincare

It’s showing him stuff he’s already looked at; maybe it’s just looking at the underwear models not actually buying it but it’s not looking good

Hawkmoth · 25/09/2022 21:51

I had an anti maggot liquid (presumably for livestock) once. I am not a farmer.

Tsort · 25/09/2022 21:52

I think that this level of scrutiny and analysis of your husband’s online activity is unhealthy.

Original poster
Needahotwaterbottle · 25/09/2022 21:55

If lots of people say the same then perhaps that will make me think I'm over-reacting, which would actually be good! But I can't get rid of a horrible anxious feeling so need the opinions of others to help me sort my head out.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 25/09/2022 22:23

I've got a lot of stuff that I've looked at but haven't bought.

Alarm59 · 25/09/2022 22:28

As someone who likes their underwear, even I don’t have anything like that , but it seems very based on what I’ve looked at/googled/watched

Badbaddogagain · 25/09/2022 22:40

I can’t find a shop section on FB

stickynoter · 25/09/2022 22:52

On marketplace? I've got a whole lot of random things within 10km of me. A lot of wardrobes, drawers and trainers. Not interested in any of them.
No underwear but it doesn't seem to be based on previous searches/purchases

Opentooffers · 25/09/2022 22:57

I don't look at the shop section on FB. But I do get ads for dog stuff - which is fair, I have a dog. I noted a person I was seeing had adds for things related to depression and mind wellbeing help etc on their insta feeds (yea, I've got dog stuff too). So I asked if he gets depression sometimes- sure enough he does -but he never opened up about it before then, and a boat load of other skewed thinking it seems. He's an ex, bullet doged.
Things that you look at get thrown up a lot in social media, there can be the odd curveball, but many with the same theme is a pattern. I'd say he probably looks at women wearing lingerie, for obvious reasons, how you feel about that is up to you. Pretty tame compared to porn, wouldn't upset me greatly, but that's just me, your line, is your own boundary.

MMmomDD · 25/09/2022 23:30

OP - I agree with the above comment - this is beyond super vigilance. Why are you looking in the weirdest places for signs of cheating?
i don’t even know there is a shopping area in FB….
All kinds of adds cone up on my FB. I don’t know hot to change settings to filter anything - and can’t be bothered really.
I also get a lot of lingerie adds. No men in underwear - but if there were - I’d probably click/scroll to see. It’s FB, it’s not some X-rated porn website.

Why are you feeling this insecure in the relationship?

Original poster
Needahotwaterbottle · 26/09/2022 06:08

Ok, I agree with lots of what's been said so a few more thoughts....

I agree it's a random place to look for signs of his online activity- the reason I was on there was because he asked how to get onto Marketplace and we were looking at FB together and he clicked 'Shop' as he thought that was Marketplace and when the results popped up he casually but immediately took his phone away.

I also agree underwear models are tame stuff compared to porn but it's the fact it's in his recent shopping activity. My shopping activity has pictures of things like secondhand kids furniture. And guess what I buy...? And in response to the pp, it's not quite just an ad is it, it's a recommendation for him

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 26/09/2022 06:21

Oh DP had similar. He said he's never used Facebook marketplace - and I believe him because he's never bought anything from there that I know of and would never think to look there if he needed something - then asked me to look at mine and see what it was and seemed genuinely perplexed.

I think it's probably an algorithm set up for men.

Probably to promote the Facebook dating app thing when women dump their husbands for looking at underwear models Grin

Original poster
Needahotwaterbottle · 26/09/2022 06:36

Yes I did wonder if it's just because his phone knows he's a man. It's also not just about what you look at on fB- my recommendations seem based on that but also stuff from other sites (eg trainers). Aargh, I know I'm insecure and that I wouldn't even question this if I 100% trusted him.

OP posts:
DosCervezas · 26/09/2022 07:35

FBs algorithms aren't perfect. I often remove bingo and gambling adverts, which it says I am the demographic for when I click ' why am I seeing this'. I am actually against gambling. But if your level of trust is that you need to check up on these things then something isn't right. I would be working out why you feel the need to check.

DosCervezas · 26/09/2022 07:41

If you click block advert, it then gives you options, one is ' why am I seeing this'. It might say something like based on websites you visit or based on what you have bought from these websites, or maybe just you are the age/ profile/ demographic or something for this product. That feature might shed light.

booboo24 · 26/09/2022 08:28

I have these too Op and have never shopped them, maybe someone else has looked at a site they're on in the house? Or, maybe it's just picked something up, for instance, we were discussing Alton towers over the weekend, I'm suddenly getting ads for Alton Towers, we didn't Google it at all so it must have spied on us!!!!

DosCervezas · 26/09/2022 08:42

We're all going to get them now we're discussing this on here!

icelollycraving · 26/09/2022 08:49

I’ve just looked at mine, lots of dressers/cabinets. Also underwear and roller boots (not in same ad). I don’t think I’ve ever looked at roller boots as Ds has no interest. The underwear was generic. I wouldn’t worry.

Original poster
Needahotwaterbottle · 26/09/2022 09:09

Thank you all- I wanted to be told I was probably over-reacting and I'm feeling that's the case now. Appreciate all your comments x

OP posts:
Aprilx · 26/09/2022 10:12

I can’t find a shop section. I have found a marketplace section but there is no mention of “for you” in there. Where are you looking OP? I was going to check mine to see what pops up.

SallyWD · 26/09/2022 10:19

Oh wow I noticed exactly the same in my husband's Facebook in the marketplace section! He was scrolling down and one of the images was a lady in lingerie! I d

SallyWD · 26/09/2022 10:21

Pressed send too soon! I didn't say anything and I really don't think he's been purchasing escorts or anything (he's always at home!). Either he's looked at a sexy image or it's just because he's a man. I'm genuinely not worried about it.

Midnights · 26/09/2022 10:26

I've never looked at the shop section until now - mines showing roller skates (I can't do this and haven't searched for it ever), a giant wooden boat for a child's playground (I don't have DC and haven't ever googled this), and some horrendous slightly inappropriate looking dresses (definitely didn't google) 😂 it seems to be random - perhaps age and Facebook profile based?

Tohaveandtohold · 26/09/2022 10:52

I’ve just looked at the shop section and there are things I may like and shop for like clothes but there lots of random things like Saree’s, equestrian shoes, well I can say I’ve never bought or searched for something like these. There’s some baby items which I might have searched for some years ago but not recently so unsure how the Facebook algorithm works

Bookworm20 · 26/09/2022 12:02

Aprilx · 26/09/2022 10:12

I can’t find a shop section. I have found a marketplace section but there is no mention of “for you” in there. Where are you looking OP? I was going to check mine to see what pops up.

I can't find it either, was intriged to have a look. Where abouts is it?