drink in long distance relationships

[upsetromeo]

In a long distance relationship, but I like a beer with mates watching football when ever in my hometown due to work. Im also studying distance learning so in term time I concentrate alot on that.
My partner lives miles away with her daughter (whom i have a good relationship with). Rarely drinks and I respect that so when im with her, unless we go out then im respectful.
When the Queen died, full of greif and knowing i had 2 week off work I had beers with my mates in my home town, still managing a good night out with my partner. On the way back from London for the funeral I asked her a question because I had a concern about her, and thats what you do in a relationship. Whats peoples opinions on this is the relationship worth saving, I think it is but i also cant see what is wrong with having a few beers with my mates watching football in my home town aslong as im up for work and im not risking my health

I think you’ve missed out some of your post.

what’s the issue?

what question did you ask her on your way back from London? What was your concern for her?

Not sure we're getting the whole story here OP.

Not totally sure what happened from your post, and what you are asking - is it that your partner doesn’t like you drinking? If so, that sounds controlling to me if you are just having a few beers, ie it’s not excessive (which it doesn’t sound like it is). Basically you have a job, friends, and studying part time as well, and like a few beers on occasion? Sounds all good to me and if your partner has an issue maybe you need to discuss it.

Of course you should be able to have some beers with friends without being frowned upon.

That's cut and dried.

The only thing that isn't is what question you asked her, and what was her response?

The question was personal about her health and her reaction to my concern was an over reaction, which has caused me more concern

But what does that have to do with you drinking?

are you drunk now?

did you comment on her weight and disguise it as a health concern?

no and im not drunk now.
Im trying to respect her on a personal issue

Based on this thread I think you should definitely drink less.

why as I have tried to keep a personal issue offline and without going into to much person detail

I not drunk since I got back from the Queen funeral and back to work tomorrow I wont be drinking today

I'll spell it out for you

You expressed concern over her health - sone aspect of which she can control

She expressed the same right back at you and your don't like it ?

Maybe I have not seen it like that
Im coming on here to get other opinions as I dont wish to be in an echochamber

Does she have a problem with you drinking OP?

What did she reply when you sent her the message about her health?

How does your drinking impact her? Does it change your behaviour? Do you argue? Do you cancel seeing her due to hangovers? Do you get so drunk you out yourself in danger?

None of that makes sense OP. You’ll need to be clearer

Lots of info missing here op.

Your thread title and the start of your post refers to drinking.

You then tell us that after you'd been drinking away your grief for the queen (really?!) you asked your GF a question about her health, and she "overreacted" but you haven't told us in what way.

What does her reaction have to do with your drinking?

She doesnt like drinking which I respect, but when ive finished work I dont see a problem. In my opinion she has a negitive image of me when im drinking and thinks im worse then i am, I dont get into fights, not been arrested. I just say my point of view which is natural me without drink. I go to about three pubs and just watch sport. Id rather go out for a meal with her.

This happened i had 2 weeks off work in my home town and had drinks with mates, then ask a question about her mental health due to stuff she has said before. I have never judged her mental health before and only asked as I have a genuine concern. Thats what an adult relationship is about. She replied very defensive and kicked off with a total change of peesonality

I have never not met her due to a hang over. Yes there has been time when one of us have let the other down due to other reasons.

Well either you're remembering things very differently to the reality of the situation and overreacting, or she's doing so.

Either way this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship if your communication is this tense and you're so incompatible that you having a couple of drinks with friends is a massive issue. Or you change more than you think when tipsy / drunk and she doesn't like the drinking version of you.

As I say, either way this isn't a healthy and happy dynamic.

Couple of beers in your home time with mates to watch football is totally reasonable

Using your grief for the passing of the queen as an excuse to go out drinking with your mates seems a bit of a stretch IMO

Was it a drunken message you sent that may have upset or offended her?

Were you drunk when you asked about her mental health? How did you phrase it?

What did you ask about her MH and how did you phrase it? It's a very sensitive topic to discuss for a lot of people and they may react defensively. If you have genuine concerns about this and she reacted by saying she thinks you have a problem with your drinking then try not to conflate the two as a quid pro quo, try and have 2 separate discussions.

She doesnt like drinking which I respect, but when ive finished work I dont see a problem. In my opinion she has a negitive image of me when im drinking and thinks im worse then i am, I dont get into fights, not been arrested. I just say my point of view which is natural me without drink. I go to about three pubs and just watch sport.

You could work out how many units you have each week (a lot of people will underestimate that, so it's worth working out on this site www.drinkaware.co.uk/tools/unit-and-calorie-calculator .) If you get your units under 14 a week if they aren't already, then she's not all that warranted in her concern.

Having said that we're not supposed to binge drink either. So try and keep it at 3 pints or less at a time www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/drinking-habits-and-behaviours/binge-drinking . One way to let yourself feel more like your having the beers you like without going over units, might be to have shandy, -half beer and half something else. If they do it as definitely half, that means you can have 6 of them. Or just stick to 3 of your normal pints, maybe alternating with soft drinks if you like.

Are your home town, your home and your partner's home in 3 different places OP?

Who did you go to HM's funeral with?

It's quite a big lifestyle difference between a regular pub goer and a non drinker. I am in the former category and would find it awkward being in relationship with teetotaller.