drink in long distance relationships

[upsetromeo]

In a long distance relationship, but I like a beer with mates watching football when ever in my hometown due to work. Im also studying distance learning so in term time I concentrate alot on that.
My partner lives miles away with her daughter (whom i have a good relationship with). Rarely drinks and I respect that so when im with her, unless we go out then im respectful.
When the Queen died, full of greif and knowing i had 2 week off work I had beers with my mates in my home town, still managing a good night out with my partner. On the way back from London for the funeral I asked her a question because I had a concern about her, and thats what you do in a relationship. Whats peoples opinions on this is the relationship worth saving, I think it is but i also cant see what is wrong with having a few beers with my mates watching football in my home town aslong as im up for work and im not risking my health

Do you feel that you have communicated clearly on this thread?

OP with kindness, it's clear from this thread that you struggle with communication clearly and that's likely a big part of the issue in your relationship.

Have you had issues with communication in relationships before?

Are you able to share with us the way you phrased / worded your concern with her?

At the moment it's very unclear what actually happened / what was said and without that information nobody can tell you if you were unreasonable which means all we can tell you is that you don't communicate clearly.

I have a feeling there was some missing punctuation in there (in addition to the obvious lack of coherence)

‘My concerned question was, as ive found out from earlier posts, bad timing.‘

Still none the wiser what he actually said.

I just can't work out your age OP, anything from 20 to 60 is my best guess.

I think 28

😂

😂

Hi OP - so was her issue with you that you asked her a very personal question about her MH while you were slightly inebriated and she took offence? Or is that isolated incident a red herring and your girlfriend has an issue with you drinking at any time, on the basis that she doesn't drink and that maybe doesn't like being around other people who are drinking?

Not 100% clear on this but reading between the lines.... you asked her a sensitive question - she wasn't happy about the question and retaliated by implying you have an issue with alcohol? Is that right,? It could just be she didn't like ther question, you hit a raw nerve she hit one back? All sounds a bit tit for tat, tbh.
Are there any real underlying issues on both parts?

personal I think I hit a nerve asking a personal question, that was on my mind for a week, yes id had a few drinks and asked her. My timing was bad and she reacted in a way id never expected. She has asked me questions about stuff before as she cares. I seriously think if I didnt asked her id be wrong.

We have a different level of drinking but we go out together and have now over 2.5yrs come to know each others levels and respect them. But as I said earlier I study distence learning and with work I only have more then a few when I off work

There’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks, by yourself, with friends, work colleagues, whatever. No one should be controlling anyone else’s behaviour, even if they are concerned about it (goes both ways).Dh and I lived a long haul flight from each other while dating and both regularly went out and also had drinks at home. Totally normal. But if you aren’t compatible, you aren’t compatible.

I hope your verbal communication is better than your written, as if it's not, this is likely to be the cause of your issues🙄

Are you currently drunk, by any chance?

I seriously think if I didnt asked her id be wrong.

So you felt an overwhelming need to ask her about her MH, she reacted by saying that you have a drink problem?

Maybe she has a history of a past relationship (family/friend) with a heavy drinker and it could be (unreasonably) making her nervous around your drinking which, if I have followed correctly, she doesn't usually experience as you drink with your friends. Just reassure her that it was a one off.

"But as I said earlier I study distence learning and with work I only have more then a few when I off work."

That completely clears it up op. You only have more than a few so definitely not drinking too much. And you study distance learning, which further proves your point.

Are your messages to her this cryptic?

What actually happened? In what way did you express concern about her mental health? They're a huge difference between 'you acted psychotic last night' too 'I'm just checking you're ok as you seem a bit low'.

Did your grieving for the Queen get in the way of plans you had with her? Even as a royalist a piss up because you're 'full of grief' for a woman you didn't know personally is a poor excuse.

my greif for the Queen, triggered greif for my grandparents.

Ive asked on here to get honest view off people. Ive tried not to get too personal about her health as its personal. Sorry if that comes out mumbo jumbo. Im just someone who is concern about the woman he loves

🙄😆

Hi @upsetromeo - it's difficult to give an opinion without understanding what the facts are. You (out of concern for her) questioned her mental health. Whether or not she overreacted in response really depends both on the nature of your question and how drunk you were at the time.

I think you should just leave it all alone.

Drinking mental health queen and funerals. All alone. Leave be. Queen. Royal Queen.

Hope that makes sense OP.

Well this is interesting

I haven’t laughed this hard at a MN thread in a long time, thank you everybody

whats so funny lucy?

Im genuine I hope to god you never feel like this? worried about someone you love and trying to find answers

🤣🤣🤣

How did you end up asking on MN @upsetromeo ? It seems an odd venue for your issue. You might do better on a reddit board for blokes or something.

I don't think you're going to get the support you want/need here.