drink in long distance relationships

[upsetromeo]

In a long distance relationship, but I like a beer with mates watching football when ever in my hometown due to work. Im also studying distance learning so in term time I concentrate alot on that.
My partner lives miles away with her daughter (whom i have a good relationship with). Rarely drinks and I respect that so when im with her, unless we go out then im respectful.
When the Queen died, full of greif and knowing i had 2 week off work I had beers with my mates in my home town, still managing a good night out with my partner. On the way back from London for the funeral I asked her a question because I had a concern about her, and thats what you do in a relationship. Whats peoples opinions on this is the relationship worth saving, I think it is but i also cant see what is wrong with having a few beers with my mates watching football in my home town aslong as im up for work and im not risking my health

There must have been something that prompted your question about her mental health and without knowing what, it's difficult for anyone to say whether you were unreasonable.
You keep mentioning the drinking but that you don't drink with her, not often and if so, with your mates, or at home I presume.
Did she snap (but not fart) at you about your drinking and you then asked if she was a bit stressed, out of sorts, as she's usually tolerant of your drinking? If so, yes, you were out of order.

Right let me see if I can translate, I have small children so I'm used to trying to make sense of garbled nonsense.

You live somewhere very nice, you love going down the pub with your mates, and you absolutely love the Queen.

Sadly lost your grandparents, Queen kicks the bucket, you're so very upset that you go for some beers after the funeral.

Your girlfriend doesn't drink, and also doesn't have the same emotional attachment to Liz as you do.

You get trollied with the lads after saying your goodbyes to her maj, and ask her something about her mental health, whilst on a royally sad bender, and now don't understand why she's a bit miffed that you've got drunk and called her mental.

Am I in the right sort of area at least?

My advice based on the above would be -
Go down the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over.
Failing that, run it under a cold tap.

not at all right i went to London alone was coming back the next day after waiting for my train a few hours had a drink and food and asked her a question out of concern. She then snapped. I was neither trollied or having a go at her I asked a question that had been on my mind aweek

your posts are incoherent and she finds you understandably irritating when drinking (I imagine your communication style is somehow even worse than it is on this thread). you brought up her mental health out of the blue when drunk and you think this acceptable because you ‘love her’.

try Reddit

😂😂😂😂👏👏👏

OP, you’re really not making much sense. I expect she feels the same, if this is how you communicated. The Liz w nonsense would do my head in, if I were dating you. Well, I wouldn’t be dating a monarchist in the first place, but this excessive mourning is off-putting. Even factoring I’m the loss of your GPs. Sounds like you had more sense of loss over a rich old stranger, than your own GPs. Baffling.

You're not making a bit of sense.

For anyone to give you a decent answer we need to know:

How many is 'a few' drinks?

What did you actually say about her MH?

I won't even touch the gibberish about the Queen.

To be fair people on here are just seeing the Queen bit, if you read from the top i said this brought on greif for my grandparents. Not that the Queen meant more to me, I have not wanted to go into to much detail about her personal stuff. My communication skills with her are brilliant better then on this forum. Which I guess most people just want to gossip and think their better then others. Ive had some good bits off people reading between the lines.

😂

Wet paper towel held on it or a drink of water works wonders too, advice from every primary school teacher ever so must be right. 😉

OP, it appears you’re sensitive to a 96 year old woman that you didn’t know dying but have lacked any sort of sensitivity to your own partner. You must have known it was a sensitive question as you had thought about it before but had not asked. Sensitive questions are better asked with no drinking/tiredness from a day out involved. It makes me think you did it as some sort of attack on her as you didn’t like something she said, possibly about drinking.

I think it is perfectly possible to be triggered by the death of the Queen into grieving for a parent or grandparent and, I think, this is the reason for a lot of the apparently OTT grief we have seen on TV recently. However, dealing with this by getting steaming drunk isn't the answer and might have something to with the OP's girlfriends response.

We don't know what he said to her so we can't possibly say.

nothing wrong with a few drinks with friends. She needs to consider if she doesn’t want to he with someone who likes a drink. I don’t think it’s a big deal

@upsetromeo

My understanding is that -

You asked a question to your girlfriend regarding her mental health. She took offence.

Your girlfriend in turn questioned your drinking and you took offence.

It could be that your both coming from a place of genuine concern for each other, however when a raw nerve is touched - it can cause offence.

It’s whether you can move on from this positively.

Personally, from my experience - DP questioned my drinking and I initially reacted against it. However the seed was sown and I’ve dramatically reduced over time. I feel much better and can now see that I was drinking too much and am now grateful for his input.

Similarly your GF may have taken initial offence to your mental health question, but maybe your input will help over time to address the issue.

Okay I think I've got it.

Show this to your girlfriend please:

If you don't like drinking, don't get with someone who drinks.

Thank you.