Either that or the long term relationship he envisages is one where OP is entirely dependent on him for shelter for her and her dependent children.
Which, on balance, is worse!
I was once a single mum in a council flat (on an estate that was considered extremely undesirable and has now been demolished) now, 25 years on I own my own modest house outright, no mortgage.
I had to relocate from South to North to do it but my landlord/the council paid me to relinquish the property and covered moving costs and I had some years of private renting in between, which was doable because I was somewhere without the high costs and churn over of London private renters and I don’t regret my decision to give up my life long tenancy but the difference is I did it as part of a long term plan that involved no one but me and my babies and I had my eyes on a prize that would benefit my babies and me. OPs being swept into her dickhead partner’s plan that will benefit no one but him (and maybe their shared daughter in 30/40 years time when he dies but dickhead will probably have knocked up another woman and perhaps even married her by then leaving OPs child without the benefit of an inheritance 😬)
@Josephina14 the thing with benefits (and crikey knows they aren’t generous) is that there are extra bits and bobs that will give you some space in the budget. Help with school meals & reduced prices on school trips and subsidised after school clubs and activities (these will hopefully make it viable to work when you are physically able to do so) opticians vouchers, dental costs, free prescriptions etc. If he’ll leave you without enough to buy milk let alone a haircut I doubt he’ll pay for spectacles or the dentist - he will impact on your ability to properly care for yourself and that will have a knock on impact on your daughters.
if you are currently poorly enough not to be able to work you might even get PIP (which is usually awarded for a few years at a time and isn’t means tested so won’t be automatically taken away as you go back to work).
But really, the main thing that will allow you to live in reasonable security as a single mum is that secure tenancy. Private rents are stupidly high and landlords can ask you to leave at the end of a 6 or 12 month tenancy even if you are a model tenant and having to move every year or two costs a fortune, uses loads of mental labour and is unsettling and discombobulating with children. It can also seriously fuck with school catchments (many schools have done away with sibling priority for anything except a tie break scenario) or the simple logistics of getting kids to the same school from a new address.
if your partner is actually a partner he will understand your unwillingness to jettison housing security for your girls at a time when you are unable to buy together as equals - if he can afford a property as the sole mortgage owner he can still move out and buy and you can continue to be in a live out relationship and revisit in future when you are back in work and can qualify for a joint mortgage (at that point you’d have options such as selling and buying afresh together or talking to a mortgage broker/instructing a conveyancing solicitor to work out the best way for you to become a joint owner of his existing property).
But something tells me that if you say to him ‘I think it would be best if I stay here with the girls while you buy and we revisit living together again in 3-5 years time when I will be able to get a mortgage and we can have a more equitable relationship and shared property rights that reflect that equitable relationship’ he’s gonna have a massive fucking strop because he WANTS an unequal relationship as not only would he benefit financially from you being more or less the same as a lodger in his house (only without the dignity of your own bed, let alone your own room!) he also benefits from the power dynamic of you needing to keep him sweet or face homelessness for you and your children.
worse case scenario he kicks you and eldest out and then drags you through the courts claiming he should have residential parent status for youngest child because YOU ARE HOMELESS!
which would mean he gets the child benefit payment and you’d be liable for PAYING HIM MAINTENANCE.
(and knobhead men will do this purely for the power trip, even though they don’t actually want to be the main carer of their kids)
I can’t help but feel suspicious that he wants to buy now, when you are in the least financially equitable position that you have ever been in during the course of your relationship - it feels like a trap to me - please don’t walk into it!
A decent man would either suggest you get a quick marriage for the purposes of legal security/inheritance rights before he buys the house (can be two witnesses and 15 minutes in the registry office = less than £200 and the house will then be a marriage asset) or would be consulting with a solicitor about how to put you on the deeds/mortgage with him as the only earner or he would suggest he saves as you can manage as a household towards a bigger deposit, with the plan of buying as soon as you’ve been back in work long enough to take out a mortgage together.
That he is doing none of the above and is instead leaving you to accrue credit card debt for milk suggests he is anything but decent.
Kick him out. Claim benefits. Depending on the age of your kids you’ll probably get free milk via healthy start or whatever it’s called nowadays (I vaguely remember ending up with way free more milk than it was humanly possible to get home on the bus, let alone drink! Enough to tip the buggy backwards 🙈)
we’re all here posting more or less the same things because we want the best for you and your girls* please listen to us? ❤️
oh, and when he inevitably huffs out of the door because you’ve foiled his plan to control you, change the locks asap and for pities sake DON’T AGREE TO 50/50 - offer him the standard every other weekend and one weekday evening and let him take you to court if he wants more when he’s living in his new house and not just back sulking in his mother’s basement bedsit.
YOU’VE GOT THIS!