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Original poster

I cancelled our holiday last minute because of this “joke” - did I overreact?

137 replies

Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:37

I’ve been dating this guy for 5ish months. We met through work.

We see each other regularly and I’ve met his friends. He suggested we go on holiday a few weeks back and we’re meant to be going this Friday.

In the past he’s made “jokes” about other women being interested in him that we work with - just stupid stuff as well like his brother is coming to visit him to see what tinder is like where we live Hmm I told him he it was immature and stupid and he stopped doing it.

then the other night he was at my house. After we’d had sex I said something along the lines of how long it has been since I last had sex (as we’ve not seen each other for a week). He replied

him: “I had sex yesterday”
me: “oh right. Who with?”
him: “myself”

I literally couldn’t believe it, like what the fuck. I asked him to leave and he just said he was joking and he hasn’t been with anyone else. I still asked him to leave and text him saying I don’t want to go on holiday anymore. He keeps texting me saying it was a joke, he was telling me he’d had a wank and that’s it.

one friend told me if he was actually sleeping with someone else he wouldn’t risk making jokes about it & it sounds as if he’s trying to get a raise out of me.

im not too sure what to do really - I do like him, but I am insecure and the “jokes” don’t help. I feel awful that he’s lost all the holiday money, but I just feel like how can I go if I have even a slight suspicion he’s cheated??

OP posts:
Original poster
Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:52

Seems I have overreacted.

A week ago he left me half way through a conversation to say he was “texting his girls back on tinder”

A week prior to that there was an empty condom packet on his bedside drawer even though we don’t use condoms (as we’ve assumed exclusivity).. he said he’d used it for a “posh wank”

He won’t let me follow him on social media, and he goes away with his friends and doesn’t text me for days on end??

it was the final straw for me.

I am in my 30s, he’s in his late 20s. Holiday was a few hundred pounds, and I’ve sent him my half

OP posts:
Veenah · 22/09/2022 13:52

It's completely fine if his sense of humour is not to your taste, but this was a complete overreaction.

Boxofsockss · 22/09/2022 13:52

Really? You think him having a wank is cheating lol. I think 99% of men do this so if you’re after one that doesn’t, good luck. Otherwise I’d say stop being pedantic and let him have his silly jokes.

LovinglifeAF · 22/09/2022 13:52

NCFT0922 · 22/09/2022 13:43

Neither of you sound old enough to be going abroad without your parents. Grow up, the pair of you.

This!

Bloody hell

WildfellAnne · 22/09/2022 13:52

You way overreacted. I can’t believe you cancelled your holiday over this.

toddlingtortoise · 22/09/2022 13:53

He hasn't cheated, he had a wank like most blokes do. I think he's better off out of this, you're mad and completely overreacted

My partner frequently tells me how irresistible he is and how all the 25 year olds are falling over themselves for him. I pointed out that it's highly unlikely many 25 years are hanging around waiting for a 50 year old with a dad bod to whisk them off their feet. He still lives in his little illusion. BTW this is all tongue in cheek, but I just laugh at him.

Original poster
Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:53

Doingprettywellthanks · 22/09/2022 13:49

Everything, from the people to the conversations, in this scenario is childish, a bit sordid and well, gross.

Let’s be honest - this holiday will have been cheap as chips, soaked in booze and drama and ended up in an screaming match outside the park caravan at 3am

😂 It was a trip to Scotland in a cottage, he doesn’t drink for religious reasons.

OP posts:
wackamole · 22/09/2022 13:53

(I'm assuming this is supposed to be an exclusive/monogamous relationship and you've both explicetly committed to that.)

If the bad jokes themselves are a dealbreaker, or the fact that you've asked him to stop making them and think he's intentionally continued and his apologies are insincere, then by all means end the relationship. The holiday is a bit irrelevant. (Personally, I wouldn't like the "so and so fancies me" jokes as they're disrepectful to his/your colleagues, but would probably just classify the masturbation one as a random bad joke.)

If you are actually thinking he's cheated, it sounds like you don't trust him at all and probably shouldn't be having sex with him, but you should have been able to figure that out without the "joke".

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/09/2022 13:53

A week prior to that there was an empty condom packet on his bedside drawer even though we don’t use condoms (as we’ve assumed exclusivity).. he said he’d used it for a “posh wank”

He won’t let me follow him on social media, and he goes away with his friends and doesn’t text me for days on end??

I think this is the more pertinent information than him having made a lame joke. Had you mentioned this in your first post, the responses would have been different.

GG1986 · 22/09/2022 13:54

Wow immature on both sides! It was a crappy joke, but to tell him to leave and not going on holiday with him is just crazy!

LovinglifeAF · 22/09/2022 13:54

He’s plainly had sex with someone else when you found the condom wrapper. I’d have dumped him then tbh

SoldierBoy · 22/09/2022 13:54

Talk about an absolute drip feedHmm

LovinglifeAF · 22/09/2022 13:55

SoldierBoy · 22/09/2022 13:54

Talk about an absolute drip feedHmm

quite. So annoying

Cameleongirl · 22/09/2022 13:56

He sounds really immature, his jokes are so unfunny. I couldn’t listen to this drivel, tbh, I’d bin him if I were you!

giveovernate · 22/09/2022 13:56

Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:52

Seems I have overreacted.

A week ago he left me half way through a conversation to say he was “texting his girls back on tinder”

A week prior to that there was an empty condom packet on his bedside drawer even though we don’t use condoms (as we’ve assumed exclusivity).. he said he’d used it for a “posh wank”

He won’t let me follow him on social media, and he goes away with his friends and doesn’t text me for days on end??

it was the final straw for me.

I am in my 30s, he’s in his late 20s. Holiday was a few hundred pounds, and I’ve sent him my half

And you didn't mention this in your first post because...........?

Doingprettywellthanks · 22/09/2022 13:57

Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:52

Seems I have overreacted.

A week ago he left me half way through a conversation to say he was “texting his girls back on tinder”

A week prior to that there was an empty condom packet on his bedside drawer even though we don’t use condoms (as we’ve assumed exclusivity).. he said he’d used it for a “posh wank”

He won’t let me follow him on social media, and he goes away with his friends and doesn’t text me for days on end??

it was the final straw for me.

I am in my 30s, he’s in his late 20s. Holiday was a few hundred pounds, and I’ve sent him my half

Please put my mind at rest that no one has children in this scenario

SassyPants87 · 22/09/2022 13:57

It was a lame joke and you definitely overreacted. Sounds like the two of you aren’t compatible if a few silly jokes are going to fuel your insecurities.

Original poster
Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:57

giveovernate · 22/09/2022 13:56

And you didn't mention this in your first post because...........?

Show quote history

Because I just wanted to know what people thought of this specific event. I’ve been called nuts by a lot of different men, and just wondered if anyone else would have found the specific joke he made to be weird

OP posts:
SatInTheCorner · 22/09/2022 13:57

If all your information was in your first post you would have got different responses.

His 'humour' would be a massive turn off to me.

The condom wrapper - would be over for me in such a short relationship (if it was a linger relationship I'd be bothered to find out the story behind it).

He's a twat.

Lostoldusername · 22/09/2022 13:57

Total over reaction on your part! He sounds a bit immature but you've really gone to the extreme with this and I'd be expecting you to pay me the money back that I lost if it was me.

PitifulPrincess · 22/09/2022 13:58

You both sound incredibly immature

Why aren't you using condoms with someone you've been dating for only 5 months?!

Original poster
Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:58

PitifulPrincess · 22/09/2022 13:58

You both sound incredibly immature

Why aren't you using condoms with someone you've been dating for only 5 months?!

Because we both had STI checks & agreed to use no condoms. I have an implant

OP posts:
Doingprettywellthanks · 22/09/2022 13:59

giveovernate · 22/09/2022 13:56

And you didn't mention this in your first post because...........?

Show quote history

Because the responses weren’t what she wanted ie YANBU

So gotta add some fiction to turn it the way you want it

Suprima · 22/09/2022 13:59

Liqouriceglaze · 22/09/2022 13:52

Seems I have overreacted.

A week ago he left me half way through a conversation to say he was “texting his girls back on tinder”

A week prior to that there was an empty condom packet on his bedside drawer even though we don’t use condoms (as we’ve assumed exclusivity).. he said he’d used it for a “posh wank”

He won’t let me follow him on social media, and he goes away with his friends and doesn’t text me for days on end??

it was the final straw for me.

I am in my 30s, he’s in his late 20s. Holiday was a few hundred pounds, and I’ve sent him my half

This man is not a catch. Why on earth are you even persevering with him?

he is an immature fuckwit who clearly isn’t that into you. Bin him off rather than booking holidays with
him

christ alive - raise your bar

Doingprettywellthanks · 22/09/2022 13:59

I’ve been called nuts by a lot of different men,

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