Does your DH make your life easier?

[MentionItAll]

Just that really, would you say your DH/DP whatever made your life easier? Do you expect them to?
Or do you think you would you find everything easier to manage without them around? And in what way?

I hope you get it sorted out. Following through on this stuff is hard. Sometimes you get stuck and keep going even though the situation is crap because the effort and disruption involved in making a change feels a bit overwhelming. (And by you I most definitely mean me there!).

I’m glad you’ve got your sister to support you. It can get better. Genuinely.

I tried to answer this yesterday to someone else with a long post. But in essence, it came down to us both WANTING to work through it and both being willing to do the work and perhaps more importantly, to listen and accept the other one's point of view. I'd say that DH did even more of this than I did as a lot of the resentment and frustration was on my side and required him to make changes, but it wasn't all him at all and I also had to do my part.

In real life, I think that this process is something that DH and I are not the only couple to have gone through - I'm aware of a few friends who have done it at some point to some level including one couple who are in the midst of it and doing the work and starting to see the results. But sadly, on MN I see a lot of threads where it's clear that at least one member of the couple (usually the man) doesn't want to make the effort (or doesn't think it's necessary) and so things don't change.

I used to say ex was a great dad… he really really really wasn’t.

DH is a great dad, he takes an interest in our DC, both our shared DC & my older DC who are not his biological DC. He went out of his way to research places DD could get work experience (she needs it for her university application), she was floundering and crying he rolled his sleeves up and sorted it out.

He plays with the little ones, organises their activities and takes them there and back, packs all their kit etc, ensures their laundry is done for school and irons the small fiddly school shirts. Does all the school runs because I can’t drive (yet). Does every single early morning because he’s the one who wakes early.

if I died I would know he’d take care of the DC.
with ex i was terrified when I had a cancer scare, as I could not possibly have left my DC in his ‘care’ he’d have caused them harm.

DH is a loving husband but the above makes him a fantastic dad. My older DC have changed their surnames to his, my eldest told me she wishes he was her real dad.

I think the best thing about him is that he’s never said I couldn’t rescue cats, I’ve called him in tears because we’ve been asked to take on a waif with a terrible heartbreaking story. He’s always agreed. We’re well known in our neighbourhood and the vets as the mad cat family.

at some point we’re going to move into a large house and open an animal sanctuary. We’ll have to as our current house has no more space left for pets.

Yes absolutely my husband makes my life better and easier. We are a great team together and work together to sort out day to day things like chores and children. We both support each other in our work life too.

Not only that but he's my best friend and good at sex!

No. He makes it much harder. Which is why he doesn't live here anymore.

No, it's harder. But I love her and her children. The hard parts are mostly down to mental health, mostly anxiety. I feel guilty typing it, but it's true. I know I make her life easier, and I'm glad I can help her. I do have some down days though.

@MentionItAll my DP makes my life better/easier in every way imaginable. He’s a very capable person just very good at getting things done and problem solving. He’s also very caring, and enjoys making me happy.
However, it wasn’t necessarily 100% like that all the time before. I used to find him difficult sometimes, maybe even wilfully so, I used to think he was pretty quick to leave me to my own devices and not help out with things, and if he didn’t do things they way/to the standard I thought they should be done- I took it a bit personally (as in, I assumed he was doing a careless job out of protest and just to annoy me).
What changed was I got some very good advice: basically -to not expect anything (almost at all), but to be very grateful for any kindness or effort shown by him, big or small. I was also advised to accept whatever sort of help was on offer, on his terms, and to not try and control the outcomes too much. I rarely criticise him about anything tbh. I realised that he was really capable and liked helping me, but only found it rewarding if it was really appreciated, was never expected and he wasn’t undermined while doing it. Meanwhile I usually mainly just provide emotional support, I mean I try to do my fair share but he just sort of gets things done and I get out of his way.
Not sure that would work in every case- probably not, but I was pretty surprised how things changed, I’ve never looked back, and we’re both much happier (I think, I have been anyway).