Does your DH make your life easier?

[MentionItAll]

Just that really, would you say your DH/DP whatever made your life easier? Do you expect them to?
Or do you think you would you find everything easier to manage without them around? And in what way?

No, he didn't. He made it much harder. I'm now a single mum and things are so much easier!! Even when life is hard, I know it would be more difficult with him around.

Practically no. Unfortunately he is half a job Bob, so I often have to complete tasks that he's wandered away from. He doesn't do it deliberately, he just isn't a natural starter/finisher. I know he works hard to change this... just hasn't quite mastered it yet. I find this frustrating, but equally he says that if I'd left it, he would eventually have finished it. We butt heads over this.

Emotionally he makes my life 100% easier. He is calm, I am fiery. He makes me happier. As such, we tolerate each other's failings in other areas.

Much easier. When he is away for a couple of days with work i am absolutely knackered. He works full time, I work 4 days, we have a cleaner and i do majority of childcare/activities/child related mental load. BUT he does more daily housework than me - laundry, dishes, tidying, bins, gardening, DIY, shopping. I don't know how women with useless husbands do it all (unless they are a full time housewife/SAHM with no kids or kids age 5+!)

Yes he did. He was the breadwinner, took care of our household expenses, investments etc, cooked at weekends, was a very tidy person, was extremely patient and good humoured.
He wasn't an angel by any means, and there were certainly things I do not miss about him, but my life was all the more richer for him being in it.

Neither of my husbands engaged in housework or child, they were lazy, selfish and my job was to facilitate their hobbies basically.
Neither of them had a job half the time.
I ditched them both and now I live alone and it's much easier.
I don't know where some men get off thinking I'm their housekeeper and their bank.

Yes and no. He tries. I suspect he has ADHD. It can feel at times like I have another child especially when he can’t focus. For example he will try to help with the housework but will end up doing a lot of different things with nothing actually completed.

Yes, he retired in Jan .. so now does housework, washing, shopping, cooking etc. it’s marvellous - I WFH, so come out of my office to a tidy house & a cooked meal

Yes. He pulls his weight and does his share.

We are both terrible at cooking together though and know not to enter the kitchen while the other is in there.

I could have written this, except I haven't managed to work up to asking for an assessment yet. My DH essentially does all the stuff I struggle with and still manages to appreciate the (in my view minimal) stuff I do for him and see us as equal contributors, which is generous of him to say the least!

Yes, we're a team. I wish he took on a bit more domestically, we have somewhat slipped into typical gender roles (I do most cooking, food shopping, childcare, he does most DIY, gardening, and works longer hours). But we are also at a weird transition point where I'm just going back to work after a very long maternity leave so I'm hoping that will adjust back somewhat. But overall, he makes my life easier by doing loads of admin and chores at the weekend (of the DIY kind mostly, but still needs doing), making my life more fun (e.g. booking holidays, organising social events), and being a great dad. He's also very willing to take on more chores even if I sometimes have to ask him rather than him 'seeing' they need to be done. He also financially makes my life easier - we're both very high earners but I like the fact I'm not the main breadwinner so we have more options if I want to go part time, become a SAHM etc.

Way easier. He is a very high earner, so I don’t need to worry about money. Takes massive pressure off - I work pt in a job I really enjoy and have time to focus on what I want to do. Trade off is I do most the house stuff but don’t mind and he isn’t too fussed if I’m feeling lazy and leave everything a mess for a bit. He’s an active dad when around too.

No. Definitely not.

Yes. He's the breadwinner, does a good chunk of house shiz and is a very loving and responsible father.

partner does nothing around the house except cook for DC every other night, drive DC to school and cooks for us all on a sat night. I literally do everything else and i work FT and have a second job. My day is: I get DC up and ready for school, sort school bits out including uniforms and cleaning shoes etc, I make beds, empty dishwasher so its ready to re-load during the day, sort washing, start work at 8.30 (usually WFH, at this point partner gets up out of bed), I have quick 30 mins lunch which is my own time, I do snacks for DC when they are home from school (I'm still working) sort water bottles (empty and fill with hot water to wash out and leave to air over night so they don't smell), having made sure the kitchen is stocked with food, ( I do weekly shop), I then go to work 5.30pm - 8pm, home to tidy up kitchen from dinner (never done to a decent standard by partner), have time with DC, do baths (if needed), then bed myself

My ex-H absolutely did not. He didn't work, he didn't clean, he didn't walk the dog, he didn't shop, he didn't cook, he didn't take DD to appointments... he did school runs. Without him I have more money, less laundry, less crazy dietary requirements to meet, less stress and DD and I are so much more peaceful. Fair price to pay for picking up some school runs!

My new DP (not live in) fixes stuff for me, helps with errands, cooks his share, fills the dishwasher, dog sits and is generally a help to my life. He is also FAR less demanding and expecting of me doing everything to suit him.

Yes, we're a team. I've been away for a course for 3 days now and everything is ticking over smoothly at home. He does 90+% of the meal planning, shopping and cooking, plus he does at least 50% of laundry and other household tasks. He supports me, listens to me, tells me I'm great, and tells me to make sure I take time for myself.

Yes, but that's why I married him.

I wouldn't keep trying to change someone. If you've said what the problem is, and they've ignored it that's because they don't care. I wouldn't marry someone who didn't care about me.

Yes definitely - he feels like a partner in the true sense of the word. I'd find it very hard parenting while working full time without him, we share all the duties between us. That doesn't mean he doesn't annoy or exasperate me at times of course - and I'm sure I do him too, we've been together a long time after all.

@NotLactoseFree - It sounds like one of your issues was that he would not clean to your standards. But why are your standards the only acceptable standards? Professional cleaners can't meet them either.
What if you were cooking pasta for dinner and your husband decreed that only fresh pasta was acceptable from now on?

Gosh VesselFinder. Your post could have been mine. I too am awaiting ADHD assessment.

In some ways he makes things more difficult but in other ways he makes my life much, much easier so it’s not a problem to overlook the rest.
But I am neurodiverse and I probably make his life harder and much more interesting.

In some ways but not others. I imagine he feels the same about me.

He does housework, school runs, parenting and all the cooking so definitely makes my life easier!!

We are divorcing. What I have come to realise as a result of the process is that everything is much harder for his involvement.

I’ve had some time to reflect on just what hard work he is and how, when I thought the relationship was great, it was merely because I didn’t have to balance H-related effort with other things. Or, for some of the time, I assumed it was circumstantial and that it would balance out over time. instead, when I needed help or support (of any kind at all) from him, he made everything a million times harder.

Being in my own is hard - financially, practically. But it’s not as hard as feeling like I’m still doing everything and having to fight against someone else just to get through the day. It’s not as hard when I can make decisions based on the children and me, and not have to run through scenario planning and risk mitigation procedures because he’s such bloody hard work.

It’s definitely much better being able to just have a relationship with my sons without my H passing comment, criticising everything and sulking because he’s not the centre of attention. And even better is not that dreadful feeling that it shouldn’t be this hard. That a man who loved me and cared about me wouldn’t make my life so difficult.

I can just accept that he has been a terrible husband and partner and it would never have worked. I’ve reached the point where he still seems to think that the issue is merely the specific thing that caused the separation (and that I’m dreadful and unwilling to compromise). Because he can’t accept that in not living with him, I’ve learned that the problem was much wider and more systemic than that particular manifestation. The problem is that he is actually a nightmare.

A relationship should be a partnership where you both contribute and enhance each other’s lives (taken across the piece - there will be times where one needs more
and gives less for various reasons). If that doesn’t describe your relationship, no wonder you’re wondering things like ‘do other people feel their husband makes their life easier?’

What you need to work out is if this is just a temporary thing, or a long term pattern.

if it is a longer term pattern, then it’s worth thinking about what’s driving it. Is it merely he’s gotten comfortable and lazy so you end up with the entire mental loads and most of the physical load too? Or does he actually, intentionally, do things to make life harder for you?

There’s a difference in kind between it being harder because he’s not pulling his weight, and it being harder because he is doing things that make things much harder for you.

Where do you feel your marriage is sitting?