had a few threads last day or two about DH and meals.....and last night about writing a note for him....well I didn't write the note - but
(I've copied and pasted from last nights thread as I really need some support right now, my best RL friend is away in Oxford today and I've already spent time on the phone to my parents and am now on my own)
I didn't write the note - decided to wait until this morning to talk about it and sort it properly - and oh yes it's sorted.
I'm currently in the middle of arranging to take the DS's to stay with my brother for a week or so in Edinburgh - I refuse to do things "his way" (in his words "My way") any longer - I've made a f*cking huge effort to sort things out in the last year (we nearly split up this time last year - but after a relate session things seemed to be getting better - and by the end of last year they seemed great - I had my temper under control, we were talking (and more) well. But apparently it would appear I've been wasting my time.
I've been told again this morning "his way or not at all"
After him telling me how "easy" it is to look after 3 DS's (7,4 and 8 months) on my own 5 days a week, and do all the housework, cooking, school run etc etc and my church commitments I threatened to go and stay with my parents for the week and leave him to sort it out and see how "easy" it was.
He told me to go then, but I don't trust him. I have a feeling that if I leave the kids with him for a week, not only will I be miserable as hell, but I fear he may either not let me back in the house on my return, or if when we split up use my week away against me and accuse me of abandonment. I can't take that risk - but I need to get away for a week or so to clear my head.
Called my parents (while he was still there in the room) but they can't put us all up, and understandibly it would be too much for my mum to cope with. However, she called my brother in Edinburgh, who then called me back and he's said we're welcome to stay with him for a bit.
I'm sure once I tell DH my plans he'll accuse me of "running off" with the kids - but I have every intention of coming back again after a week or so - I have church commitments, plus DS1's schooling to think about - don't want to start mucking around with that right now.
However, if it does come to splitting up, I'm afraid (unlike last year where I decided that I would stay in the same town) that I won't be staying round here. I want to make it work - but I can't make it work under "his" terms.
I've put so much time, effort and energy in the last 12 months (while being pg and having a young baby to contend with) towards trying to restore our relationship, but from our "dicussion" this morning it's entirely evident that not only has he been putting no effort in whatsoever, he also doesn't see the need to.
He's such a coward that when I asked him (after he'd asked me what I was going to do re going away) what he wanted me to do he said "I want the boys here with me", I asked where I fitted into that equation and he refused to say. Told me that it was "up to me" - I know it's up to me whether I stay or go - but he could at least have the balls to say whether he wants me here or not.
I just want to cry (well I have already) but YKWIM I honestly thought our relationship was improving - still not completely where it should have been (through both our faults) but felt like it was on the up and up.
He's tried to say that the "expensive crap" (well he didn't say that) mince was the issue here - but it runs a LOT deeper than that and I'm not sure I can put up with it any longer.