How to deal with man with small penis

[Doesitmatter83]

Sorry, the title is rubbish and doesn’t at all convey my feelings on this but here goes.

I have been seeing the most incredible man for the past three months. Physically, our relationship progressed quite slowly. It took quite a long time for him to kiss me and even longer to have sex and he explained to me that he feels very self conscious about sex and intimacy. He is late 30s so quite unusual I thought for that to still be an issue. Anyway, we eventually DTD and that’s when I found out that he has a very small penis. It is around 3.5 inches when erect, maybe marginally longer. I’m guessing the size based on the size of my hand but it’s not much bigger. It’s also small girth-wise - probably 3.5 inches again. I strongly suspect that this is the source of his insecurities and I totally understand why, as he is quite a lot smaller than average.

It is not a deal breaker. I love him. In fact, I’ve never been into big penises and I get cystitis very easily. If I am honest, I actually prefer smaller. When we have sex, I can orgasm through penetration, although I do have to clench my muscles quite a bit. If I don’t orgasm through penetration, he can use his fingers and he does. So pleasure wise, it’s not an issue at all.

What I am more worried about is how to handle the whole thing. He hasn’t brought it up but I suspect at some point he will. Should I pretend I don’t think it’s small/that I haven’t noticed (surely that would make me seem dishonest?)? Should I say that actually physically it’s perfect for me due to what I mentioned above (or will he think I am lying or get offended because I am admitting it is small?)? Should I say that size doesn’t matter to me (it doesn’t, unless it’s too big!)? I don’t want him to think that I am compromising or anything so I’m worried about saying that it doesn’t matter because he might think that I am just putting up with it. I have given him oral a few times and don’t shy away from touching it so hopefully that will also communicate to him that I have no issues with it.

If anyone else has been in this position, any advice is gratefully received.

I don’t see the problem. You like him, you’re having good sex, size isn’t an issue for you. I wouldn’t bring it up if he doesn’t. Why would you?

You're happy, he's happy - is there anything else to discuss?

On the outside chance he decides to discuss it surely you can say that you honestly prefer smaller + he's great at sex. Both of which appear to be true.

I don't like too big is a better way to phrase it, should you have to comment!!

Thanks for your replies! Ah, maybe I am overthinking it. I wasn’t planning on saying anything but I was just worried in case he decided to bring it up (although he hasn’t so far). Hopefully he never will.

That’s a good idea. Hopefully I won’t have to comment!

It doesn't have to be a big conversation. You're happy, he's happy. If he does start to be upset by it tell him he's doing a good job, and it doesn't matter to you.

I would just tell him it was a normal size, no need to be honest all the time

I’d just tell him he’s great in bed and his size is perfect for you. Both of which have the benefit of being true.

Thanks for the advice! I’m just worried about saying the wrong thing and I realise I am probably overthinking it.

Don’t mention it unless he asks.

If he does ask just tell him that he’s big enough to make you come and not so big that he hurts you - that way you are still telling the truth

If he brings it up then I'd probably just say that you're more than happy with it.

If it comes up I'd not say much other than you love his body, he's great in bed and you're completely happy with your sex life. Congratulations on finding love!

I don’t think you’re overthinking it. You’re being respectful & thoughtful around what can be a very (very!) sensitive issue for men.

Lots of good answers here op. If he for whatever reasons keeps asking turn it around and ask him about the size of your boobs. When he inevitably says they are perfect then just smile knowingly and give him a hug and a head wobble

Why say anything if you are ok with it?? just leave it and see if he says anything to you.

Thank you all for the advice! Just to clarify, I was definitely not going to bring it up myself - it was in case he did. It’s made me quite aware of all the penis-size references and jokes that are casually thrown around, including by friends of mine. It must be awful if you’re a less well endowed man as there is so much focus on it.
Ah well, I will just continue enjoying awesome sex with an even more awesome person!

I agree with all of the above! If he does ever mention it just say you love his penis and are having amazing sex x

It's not what you have it's how you use it, as the saying goes. One of the best for me was not the one most endowed xx

Its big enough to fill a pram, as they say.

I absolutely agree that penis size jokes seem to be acceptable still, even though they're awful. Shouldn't be ok in this day and age. Tbh I don't like the idea of labelling someone as 'too big' either - variety is the spice of life.

I disagree. What's the point if you can't even feel it ?

My quick thinking reply to any future on the spot conversion would be something along the lines of, its not about the size but how you use it and my dear you use it very well 🤗

I’ve been in this position and he brought it up and sounded very miserable about it. I lied. He cheered up a bit.

This.

If it comes up, I'd just say 'you have nothing to be insecure about, I really enjoy sex with you' and leave it at that. I wouldn't even reference size, I'd just focus on making sure he knows you're into the sex!