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Original poster

How to deal with man with small penis

99 replies

Doesitmatter83 · 18/09/2022 16:15

Sorry, the title is rubbish and doesn’t at all convey my feelings on this but here goes.

I have been seeing the most incredible man for the past three months. Physically, our relationship progressed quite slowly. It took quite a long time for him to kiss me and even longer to have sex and he explained to me that he feels very self conscious about sex and intimacy. He is late 30s so quite unusual I thought for that to still be an issue. Anyway, we eventually DTD and that’s when I found out that he has a very small penis. It is around 3.5 inches when erect, maybe marginally longer. I’m guessing the size based on the size of my hand but it’s not much bigger. It’s also small girth-wise - probably 3.5 inches again. I strongly suspect that this is the source of his insecurities and I totally understand why, as he is quite a lot smaller than average.

It is not a deal breaker. I love him. In fact, I’ve never been into big penises and I get cystitis very easily. If I am honest, I actually prefer smaller. When we have sex, I can orgasm through penetration, although I do have to clench my muscles quite a bit. If I don’t orgasm through penetration, he can use his fingers and he does. So pleasure wise, it’s not an issue at all.

What I am more worried about is how to handle the whole thing. He hasn’t brought it up but I suspect at some point he will. Should I pretend I don’t think it’s small/that I haven’t noticed (surely that would make me seem dishonest?)? Should I say that actually physically it’s perfect for me due to what I mentioned above (or will he think I am lying or get offended because I am admitting it is small?)? Should I say that size doesn’t matter to me (it doesn’t, unless it’s too big!)? I don’t want him to think that I am compromising or anything so I’m worried about saying that it doesn’t matter because he might think that I am just putting up with it. I have given him oral a few times and don’t shy away from touching it so hopefully that will also communicate to him that I have no issues with it.

If anyone else has been in this position, any advice is gratefully received.

OP posts:
Raul57 · 20/09/2022 10:19

ScaredSceptic · 19/09/2022 13:28

My DH has a small penis. Obviously I noticed when we first slept together but didn't say anything. He later brought the subject up and told me how he'd always felt insecure about it.

I was able to (very truthfully) tell him that it wasn't important to me at all and that I was (am) very satisfied with our sex life. The fact is he's very generous and attentive in bed and the only man I've ever slept with who makes me orgasm every time (usually multiple times).

I really wouldn't follow the advice of people who have suggested pretending it's a "normal" size. That would be incredibly patronising IMHO, as your partner will know very well that he's small.

14 years on we are happily married and OH sometimes makes little jokes himself about his size as part of light-hearted banter between us (same as we might joke about my fat backside!), secure in the knowledge that it's just not an issue.

Excellent post. "pretending" same as ying is not right for any good relationship.

Re size, especially these days men are no stupid and know that size, a certain min size does matter.

Best to be open and honest and take it from there.

Raul57 · 20/09/2022 10:22

Donotgogentle · 20/09/2022 07:12

Ffs. The op has been very clear she is more than happy with her partner’s penis size. Why would she want to mention the use of a sex toy when having sex.

If that’s a male view I’m not sure it’s a helpful one.

Show quote history

A "male view" from a male, most males to my knowledge love that kind of thing. We are all different ie males/females we all like and dislike different things. There was nothing wrong in what the other poster said.

whenithits · 20/09/2022 10:40

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 10:17

I don’t think it’s fair to make women feel as though they’re being shallow to prefer a larger penis, or to make them feel like there’s something wrong with their own body if they can’t particularly feel a smaller than average penis

I don’t see anyone being made to feel shallow, but there is some really odd handwringing about the guys size, the OP has already said she like his size & the sex is good, it’s all a bit of non event ( in this instance)

it was really to the remark that there’d be some concern if a woman couldn’t feel a smaller penis, - maybe some women really can’t (like barely) due to their own shape. I agree the whole point of the thread is she’s anxious what to say if he happens to bring it up, and being honest is probably best I.e. “it’s a perfect fit for me and our sex life is great so there is no problem here” .. but idk I’m not a guy 🤷‍♀️

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 10:40

DonnaBanana · 19/09/2022 16:11

It must be awful if you’re a less well endowed man as there is so much focus on it

most men don’t show their knobs to each other. Try being a smaller breasted woman, there is no hiding that and all of society thinks big boobs are best

I’m not sure this is completely true, some elements of society might think big boobs are best, but this lots of focus these days ( for both genders), to be slim and trim these days

Donotgogentle · 20/09/2022 11:32

Raul57 · 20/09/2022 10:22

A "male view" from a male, most males to my knowledge love that kind of thing. We are all different ie males/females we all like and dislike different things. There was nothing wrong in what the other poster said.

Show quote history

Yeah - the op wasn’t asking anyone for advice on her sex life, she was asking how to approach a conversation about penis size.

Suggesting a sex toy in that context could well make her partner feel something is missing. There isn’t. Phallocentric BS.

Raul57 · 20/09/2022 11:35

Donotgogentle · 20/09/2022 11:32

Yeah - the op wasn’t asking anyone for advice on her sex life, she was asking how to approach a conversation about penis size.

Suggesting a sex toy in that context could well make her partner feel something is missing. There isn’t. Phallocentric BS.

Show quote history

I still stand by what the other poster said and I still feel they were not wrong.
We will agree to disagree.

Donotgogentle · 20/09/2022 11:36

Yeah - maybe stick to what the op is asking about rather than mansplaining sex.

Raul57 · 20/09/2022 11:51

Donotgogentle · 20/09/2022 11:36

Yeah - maybe stick to what the op is asking about rather than mansplaining sex.

Yeah, stick to the facts mate EG I only supported what the other poster stated and I don't know how you know they are a male!
I tried to be nice to you but you threw it back in my face.
This thread like all is here as OP needs help and the fact is one you have not grasped ie people have different views and it is up to the OP to accept/disagree etc etc

OP - Good luck.

Donotgogentle · 20/09/2022 12:00

Poster said they were male.

Original poster
Doesitmatter83 · 20/09/2022 13:33

Thanks for the tips. I don’t think I will bring the sex toy thing up 😂
As others have pointed out, I don’t have an issue with his size - it’s just that I am pretty sure that his size is at the root of his insecurities and I would absolutely hate to accidentally make it worse for him or reinforce his insecurity.

OP posts:
Raul57 · 20/09/2022 14:05

Doesitmatter83 · 20/09/2022 13:33

Thanks for the tips. I don’t think I will bring the sex toy thing up 😂
As others have pointed out, I don’t have an issue with his size - it’s just that I am pretty sure that his size is at the root of his insecurities and I would absolutely hate to accidentally make it worse for him or reinforce his insecurity.

Ok, your choice.
However, as you both get more settled, tell him for you it does not matter and a good man/woman is the whole package and that his package as your OH is a 10/10 for you
Good luck :)

PussGirl · 20/09/2022 14:24

I don't like anything too long crashing into my ovaries. Current DP is average when erect but hates the fact that he is a "grower", so quite small when flaccid - I love the transformation myself!

ExP was very small & we had great sex - he used to joke about it a bit as he was self-conscious, but it was never a problem.

myrealnamesdicksmall · 20/09/2022 23:40

I just wanted to say thanks for putting this discussion on the internet and respect to your amazing partner for building a nice relationship despite feeling bad about his penis.

If I was single I wouldn't dare chat up a woman only to end up with a massive disappointment with the size of a penis :-) Never mind the sort of heartache another relationship fail would give everyone. There must be tons of great guys who dismiss themselves needlessly because of some silly childhood shaming stuff. I know I did yet sex with my partener was so mindblowing that for years - the best years - I thought I must have had more energy going through it that it was built for. Maybe she just had a small fanny and were lucky or maybe she was so subtle being nice about it that I forgot to feel bad till the internet happened and she could stay up late with porn :-). Thanks for the thread

One post said a small penis undermined a mans ability to give woman sexaul pleasure. As one of these men I have to say i am really soory aout that. That hadn't occured to me. I had just told myself that the prevelance of porn made visual impact trump feeling. I honestly thought that if people connected enough to make love sexual pleasure was an energy they built together. Personally, I don't think I could actually be so open or offer that sort of touch to build that now - I wish I just had a big cock.:-)

Imagine what it is like when a really sexaully attractive woman ( to me anyway ) is looking very invitingly at you and you probaly could reasonably suggest going for a drink etc., when you just bump into each other when she was loosley on your mind right then and you both have time and everything about the world is summer and sweet and you have just been paid but you know if you did get that close physically in the end you would only disappoint her with your smallness. d'oh.

Seadad · 21/09/2022 00:06

In your case OP - and without a shadow of doubt- I'd say honesty is the best policy. Obviously be mindful and tactful- but ultimately, everything you have expressed here should be more than enough to reassure your partner that he need not feel insecure.

The only thorn might be that he knows you to be kind and caring and may therefore be unsure that you are not being candid. So with that in mind - I'd say live what you have expressed here about your feelings and experience. When words are backed up by deeds they are convincing.

MrAgonyAunt · 22/09/2022 12:19

Just skimmed through this, yes it may it is a load of bs but if you wish then read

A member is important to men like me but if one is lacking and thankfully I am not but like most men dream about it bigger, you need the whole pack ie member, love, caring, reasining, love, respect, etc, etc

www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-11238285/Men-big-penises-trimmed-pubic-hair-seen-extroverted-study-finds.html

outtheshowernow · 22/09/2022 22:27

whenithits · 20/09/2022 09:38

I don’t think it’s fair to make women feel as though they’re being shallow to prefer a larger penis, or to make them feel like there’s something wrong with their own body if they can’t particularly feel a smaller than average penis. The fact is for my own shape/confirmation, a larger penis feels better for me, as I have experienced larger and smaller/more slender ones and they just aren’t as good a errr… fit. It’s also interesting that I’ve been hurt more by a smaller penis - but maybe that was the person using it. And that’s just it, if he brings it up the only thing that matters is that he’s a good fit - for YOU op. and that you are both sexually compatible, just tell him whatever he seems to think he is the perfect fit for YOU and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

She probably would have just a few more inches though !

Celia24 · 22/09/2022 23:07

Hi OP - I'd go with what you suggested, saying he is the perfect length for you, that you can orgasm and love your sex life together etc.

I once loved a man with a small penis. He avoided getting naked for ages - then after the first time we had sex he brought up his small penis and the fact he felt he'd never pleasure me properly. I loved him and I came pretty much all the time. It wasn't an issue for me but the issue for him never quite went away. All you can do is reassure him.

No point in pretending he isn't small - while you don't need to bring it up I don't think lies are the way forward if he does discuss it

repetitioncompulsion · 23/09/2022 19:39

Have been in this position twice . If he brings up that he thinks it is small, act confused and like you have no idea what he is talking about. If he pushes you on how it compares size wise say you’ve seen smaller and bigger; makes no difference. It has worked twice for me and has a positive effect

kamilarandon · 23/09/2022 20:28

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Rubygarnar420 · 23/09/2022 20:45

Small penises are fantastic! Let's end societal stereotypes #slay

Ladykiller · 21/11/2022 09:24

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PearPickingPorky · 21/11/2022 10:06

This was a good thread until the men and bots arrived. Just shows how little some men understand about women.

Glad you've met someone fantastic whom you also have great sex with, OP. Long may it continue!

JillyOg75 · 19/12/2023 20:06

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GinnyJelly · 19/12/2023 22:01

Debit card dick is definitely a thing. But how about concentrating on his personality rather than this? If he is kind and a good person, that’s the most important thing.

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