Page 3 | How to deal with man with small penis

Doesitmatter83 · 2022-09-18T15:15:37+00:00

Sorry, the title is rubbish and doesn’t at all convey my feelings on this but here goes. I have been seeing the most incredible man for the past three months. Physically, our relationship progressed quite slowly. It took quite a long time for him to kiss me and even longer to have sex and he explained to me that he feels very self conscious about sex and intimacy. He is late 30s so quite unusual I thought for that to still be an issue. Anyway, we eventually DTD and that’s when I found out that he has a very small penis. It is around 3.5 inches when erect, maybe marginally longer. I’m guessing the size based on the size of my hand but it’s not much bigger. It’s also small girth-wise - probably 3.5 inches again. I strongly suspect that this is the source of his insecurities and I totally understand why, as he is quite a lot smaller than average. It is not a deal breaker. I love him. In fact, I’ve never been into big penises and I get cystitis very easily. If I am honest, I actually prefer smaller. When we have sex, I can orgasm through penetration, although I do have to clench my muscles quite a bit. If I don’t orgasm through penetration, he can use his fingers and he does. So pleasure wise, it’s not an issue at all. What I am more worried about is how to handle the whole thing. He hasn’t brought it up but I suspect at some point he will. Should I pretend I don’t think it’s small/that I haven’t noticed (surely that would make me seem dishonest?)? Should I say that actually physically it’s perfect for me due to what I mentioned above (or will he think I am lying or get offended because I am admitting it is small?)? Should I say that size doesn’t matter to me (it doesn’t, unless it’s too big!)? I don’t want him to think that I am compromising or anything so I’m worried about saying that it doesn’t matter because he might think that I am just putting up with it. I have given him oral a few times and don’t shy away from touching it so hopefully that will also communicate to him that I have no issues with it. If anyone else has been in this position, any advice is gratefully received.

Original poster

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 09:01

Plet · 19/09/2022 08:42

I've also had great sex with a much smaller than average man. He was my first so I had no idea that they're usually bigger than that. He must have known that he was pretty small but he never mentioned it. He was generally self conscious about his body though. Considering that we were both virgins when we met, the sex was amazing. I was pretty disappointed by subsequent partners - I thought all sex would be like that!

I wouldn't ever bring it up unless he does and then only say how much you enjoy having sex with him if he does. Never reference the size of his penis or say anything which seems like a comparison. Poor bloke must have been hearing comments about penis size all his life and worrying about it.

I'm quite concerned that my eldest is going to have an unusually small penis. It breaks my heart a bit to think about the comments he might get and the things he must have already heard.

Thanks for this! Yes, it must be absolutely excruciating to hear all this stuff if you’re a less well endowed man. I caught Naked Attraction on tv the other day and it’s just horrible the way that such huge emphasis is placed on size with nearly all the women claiming that they “love a big one”. You definitely don’t get the equivalent when it comes to boob size.
My bf is definitely self-conscious about his body. He has also mentioned that he was badly bullied at school. It makes me quite upset thinking about it. I hope that in the future, your DS will find a lovely partner who loves him for who he is and doesn’t buy into all this bullshit.

OP posts:

Bollindger · 19/09/2022 09:35

After you have a had a great night DTD, turn round to him kiss him and say this
OMG, you are so blooming good at making love, that was the best orgasm ever.
He may then mention how small his penis is and you can honestly say, does he hear you complaining.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/09/2022 09:46

Moltenpink · 18/09/2022 16:33

I would just tell him it was a normal size, no need to be honest all the time

Don’t do this - he knows it isn’t.

I don’t see any need to bring it up unless he does, in which case you can just say there’s nothing to worry about- you are really enjoying sex with him. If he specifically asks you about size, you can say you don’t like it too big, but I don’t think you need to go there unless he does.

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 19/09/2022 09:49

Do people stick debit cards up their faff?? 😳

Original poster

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 10:50

Bollindger · 19/09/2022 09:35

After you have a had a great night DTD, turn round to him kiss him and say this
OMG, you are so blooming good at making love, that was the best orgasm ever.
He may then mention how small his penis is and you can honestly say, does he hear you complaining.

Good plan!

OP posts:

Original poster

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 11:21

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/09/2022 09:46

Don’t do this - he knows it isn’t.

I don’t see any need to bring it up unless he does, in which case you can just say there’s nothing to worry about- you are really enjoying sex with him. If he specifically asks you about size, you can say you don’t like it too big, but I don’t think you need to go there unless he does.

Show quote history

Agree. If I tried to make out that he was normal, he’d know I was lying. Definitely not going to bring it up myself!

OP posts:

Original poster

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 11:22

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 19/09/2022 09:49

Do people stick debit cards up their faff?? 😳

😂 it appears so! I dread to think.

OP posts:

ScaredSceptic · 19/09/2022 13:28

My DH has a small penis. Obviously I noticed when we first slept together but didn't say anything. He later brought the subject up and told me how he'd always felt insecure about it.

I was able to (very truthfully) tell him that it wasn't important to me at all and that I was (am) very satisfied with our sex life. The fact is he's very generous and attentive in bed and the only man I've ever slept with who makes me orgasm every time (usually multiple times).

I really wouldn't follow the advice of people who have suggested pretending it's a "normal" size. That would be incredibly patronising IMHO, as your partner will know very well that he's small.

14 years on we are happily married and OH sometimes makes little jokes himself about his size as part of light-hearted banter between us (same as we might joke about my fat backside!), secure in the knowledge that it's just not an issue.

youarntaguest · 19/09/2022 14:49

YoSofi · 18/09/2022 18:23

She can feel it.

I would be concerned about any woman that couldn’t feel something 3.5 inches long and 3.5 inches thick inside of their vagina.

Barely

Hopeandlove · 19/09/2022 15:11

Catlover1970 · 18/09/2022 17:32

I agree with all of the above! If he does ever mention it just say you love his penis and are having amazing sex x

This and with joking around tell him yours does it for me etc and mean it

DonnaBanana · 19/09/2022 16:11

It must be awful if you’re a less well endowed man as there is so much focus on it

most men don’t show their knobs to each other. Try being a smaller breasted woman, there is no hiding that and all of society thinks big boobs are best

JangolinaPitt · 19/09/2022 16:28

OP you sound so kind -he is really lucky to have such a caring partner. My bf has similar insecurities and I didn’t understand at first why he was c so reluctant to have sex. He often refers to size so it is clearly on his mind but I say the same things as have been recommended to you - because luckily they happen to be true 😁

Original poster

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 16:52

most men don’t show their knobs to each other. Try being a smaller breasted woman, there is no hiding that and all of society thinks big boobs are best

well, I’d actually disagree slightly there. Men have urinals so in fact their genitals are more on public display than women’s. I think there is also a difference between penis size and breast size though in that breast size is wholly unrelated to a partner’s ability to receive sexual pleasure. A better comparison would be criticising women with loose vaginas which would rightly raise some eyebrows, whereas making penis size jokes seems totally fine. There are also many many women with small breasts who are considered extremely sexy/attractive (eg Sienna Miller, Natalie Portman, Florence Pugh) whereas male celebrities get roasted in kiss and tells if they aren’t well endowed (eg Peter Andre). Given that most models are small breasted, i wouldn’t even say that all of society thinks big breasts are best. I used to be flat chested for a long time so I know that insecurity but I think it’s still on another level from what a man with a small penis has to face.

OP posts:

Original poster

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 16:52

JangolinaPitt · 19/09/2022 16:28

OP you sound so kind -he is really lucky to have such a caring partner. My bf has similar insecurities and I didn’t understand at first why he was c so reluctant to have sex. He often refers to size so it is clearly on his mind but I say the same things as have been recommended to you - because luckily they happen to be true 😁

Thank you! Your bf sounds like he is very lucky too!

OP posts:

Original poster

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 16:53

ScaredSceptic · 19/09/2022 13:28

My DH has a small penis. Obviously I noticed when we first slept together but didn't say anything. He later brought the subject up and told me how he'd always felt insecure about it.

I was able to (very truthfully) tell him that it wasn't important to me at all and that I was (am) very satisfied with our sex life. The fact is he's very generous and attentive in bed and the only man I've ever slept with who makes me orgasm every time (usually multiple times).

I really wouldn't follow the advice of people who have suggested pretending it's a "normal" size. That would be incredibly patronising IMHO, as your partner will know very well that he's small.

14 years on we are happily married and OH sometimes makes little jokes himself about his size as part of light-hearted banter between us (same as we might joke about my fat backside!), secure in the knowledge that it's just not an issue.

Awww, this is lovely to hear. Totally agree that pretending he is normal is the wrong move. I’m so glad that you and your DH are so happy.

OP posts:

Justaname64 · 19/09/2022 19:43

Hi@Doesitmatter83 I could have written your post last year! I met an amazing guy who had a really tiny penis but tbh the sex was still some of the best I’ve ever had as I fancied him so much. Plus he was amazing at other things and as he was self-conscious he always made sure I was satisfied. It had really affected this guy growing up and in his 20s which like you made me really sad. I just always let it be known that I was very happy with our sex life and he did seem to relax about it.

Where abouts in the country are you? Would be funny if it was the same great guy! (I’m not with him now but nothing to do with his penis!)

AgnestaVipers · 19/09/2022 20:07

It doesn't have to be a big conversation, if it comes up.

Woodsie54 · 20/09/2022 06:43

Male view. It is a very personal subject to discuss penis size with a male. The same way it is difficult to say to a female you have a large vagina when there not be a great deal that can be done to change things either way.

Also in male toilets the last thing as far as I am concerned is to view other genitals whilst having a pee! It is discourteous to say the least.

What is it that they say it is not the ship but the motion in the ocean.

Maybe as a dicussion you could mention the use of a sex toy when having sex.

Good luck OP

Donotgogentle · 20/09/2022 07:12

Woodsie54 · 20/09/2022 06:43

Male view. It is a very personal subject to discuss penis size with a male. The same way it is difficult to say to a female you have a large vagina when there not be a great deal that can be done to change things either way.

Also in male toilets the last thing as far as I am concerned is to view other genitals whilst having a pee! It is discourteous to say the least.

What is it that they say it is not the ship but the motion in the ocean.

Maybe as a dicussion you could mention the use of a sex toy when having sex.

Good luck OP

Ffs. The op has been very clear she is more than happy with her partner’s penis size. Why would she want to mention the use of a sex toy when having sex.

If that’s a male view I’m not sure it’s a helpful one.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 09:24

picklemewalnuts · 18/09/2022 16:31

I don't like too big is a better way to phrase it, should you have to comment!!

FFS don’t say this , ^^ it’s drawing more attention to his insecurities.

if you enjoy having sex with him, just say it straight and truthfully .

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 09:27

Woodsie54 · 20/09/2022 06:43

Male view. It is a very personal subject to discuss penis size with a male. The same way it is difficult to say to a female you have a large vagina when there not be a great deal that can be done to change things either way.

Also in male toilets the last thing as far as I am concerned is to view other genitals whilst having a pee! It is discourteous to say the least.

What is it that they say it is not the ship but the motion in the ocean.

Maybe as a dicussion you could mention the use of a sex toy when having sex.

Good luck OP

Ignore this nonsense as well, if enjoy the sex, just enjoy it , no comments needed

whenithits · 20/09/2022 09:38

I don’t think it’s fair to make women feel as though they’re being shallow to prefer a larger penis, or to make them feel like there’s something wrong with their own body if they can’t particularly feel a smaller than average penis. The fact is for my own shape/confirmation, a larger penis feels better for me, as I have experienced larger and smaller/more slender ones and they just aren’t as good a errr… fit. It’s also interesting that I’ve been hurt more by a smaller penis - but maybe that was the person using it. And that’s just it, if he brings it up the only thing that matters is that he’s a good fit - for YOU op. and that you are both sexually compatible, just tell him whatever he seems to think he is the perfect fit for YOU and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 10:10

Doesitmatter83 · 19/09/2022 16:52

most men don’t show their knobs to each other. Try being a smaller breasted woman, there is no hiding that and all of society thinks big boobs are best

well, I’d actually disagree slightly there. Men have urinals so in fact their genitals are more on public display than women’s. I think there is also a difference between penis size and breast size though in that breast size is wholly unrelated to a partner’s ability to receive sexual pleasure. A better comparison would be criticising women with loose vaginas which would rightly raise some eyebrows, whereas making penis size jokes seems totally fine. There are also many many women with small breasts who are considered extremely sexy/attractive (eg Sienna Miller, Natalie Portman, Florence Pugh) whereas male celebrities get roasted in kiss and tells if they aren’t well endowed (eg Peter Andre). Given that most models are small breasted, i wouldn’t even say that all of society thinks big breasts are best. I used to be flat chested for a long time so I know that insecurity but I think it’s still on another level from what a man with a small penis has to face.

Men have urinals so in fact their genitals are more on public display than women’s

this is completely wrong You have clearly not been into a mens urinal recently, is not open troughs any more , grown men don’t wave their dicks around like school boys

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 10:17

I don’t think it’s fair to make women feel as though they’re being shallow to prefer a larger penis, or to make them feel like there’s something wrong with their own body if they can’t particularly feel a smaller than average penis

I don’t see anyone being made to feel shallow, but there is some really odd handwringing about the guys size, the OP has already said she like his size & the sex is good, it’s all a bit of non event ( in this instance)

Raul57 · 20/09/2022 10:17

It's often more of a problem for men. However, my wife was married, arranged married years ago to a man with a much small than average...

They made up in other ways. She was a virgin when she married, different culture different times, no internet etc etc.

When they divorced a couple of years later and then married me, she said
thoug size was not everything, it did make a big bifference between the previous three and the current one which is a lot bigger.

There are lots of things out there to make up for size but push come shove, it does matter when you've had a choice. Having said that, having a honest, caring loving, kind/etc OH can cover a lot of the shortfalls in that area

We are all different and only you can decide.