Men who think their opinion is the definitive one

[mintywinter]

I'm on OLD just now but what I've noticed is that there seem to be quite a few men who act like their opinion on something is the authority. I don't want to agree on everything or argue about things, but I do want an equal partner who realises we might both have an opinion on things. Just wondering if anyone else had encountered this really. It could be that it's men of a certain age (late 40s/early to mid 50s) It's really off-putting.

i so t recall anyone saying it was just the fathers fault ????
what they did was challenge that it’s just the mothers faults
the fact that most children are raised by mothers only highlights how are daily are men are for not taking responsibility for their children . So is really an argument that Works against your claim that it’s mothers who are to blame.
it takes two to create a child . If the child goes amiss because one parent is absent and the other shirks their responsibility , BOTH are to blame. . In fact many would say the absent parent more to blame as they don’t even try
at the end of the day - the only people responsibly for mens bad behaviour is MEN

And once again… unfortunately we don’t live in a fantasy utopia where we can interact only with pure hearts
our lives are complex or societies are complex and the very nature of our existence means we will meet many different types of people

@BigFatLiar

Sorry to hear about your experience being bullied, it sounds horrible.

Of course I bow to your greater experience when you say its not the mother but the fathers who are the major influence on children (actually thats true for us as he was their main carer).

But you've misunderstood my meaning. I didn't say mothers bear no responsibility and I didn't say fathers are the major influence on children, because I don't believe either of those things.

If you'd have said 'I blame the parents' I wouldn't have taken issue with that.

It was simply the fact you singled out mums and entirely omitted fathers that I took issue with and felt was sexist.

Saying women aren't solely to blame isn't the same as saying only men are to blame. I mean the former, I don't mean the latter.

For the record I'm not blaming anyone, despite my own mother and my MIL being terrible mothers.

What I do find quite fascinating though is how we as individuals parent and how much of our upbringing flows down.

My MIL is an interesting example. She was one of four and the only daughter. All brothers went to university and were paid for. She wasn't allowed or wasn't financed as she was expected to marry. All brothers were treated better, differently and with greater regard. MIL hated her upbringing, understandably. Yet when she had kids of her own, decided to parent exactly the same way. My BIL is golden balls etc etc.

My wife hates this about her upbringing too but has chosen to undo all the BS that she experienced.

In my case, my mum was violent in the extreme and didn't actually parent at all. I've chosen not to be anything like my mum and have opted for loving, gentle, nurturing etc.

How is it that some of us can change but others not? What is it that differentiates us and are we to blame for perpetuating cycles of behaviour like misogyny, racism, favouritism etc.

I would not like anyone I was conversing with to speak over me or explain something to me like I'm a toddler. Whether they be male or female.
If I was aware of this on OLD I would definitely avoid that man.
As to whether men do this more than women, I don't know because I've never done/read any research.
My own experience has been that it has been men who have done/tried to talk over me.
When I was younger I may not have stood up for myself if the man was in a position of power (boss, boyfriend)
Now I will definitely challenge this behaviour (if safe to do so).

but Is it a tricky one whether mothers are responsible for mens bad behaviour if dads are shit dads
I don’t think so

Besides … there comes a point in everyone’s life where they can’t just blame parents and have to take responsibility for how they behave towards people they meet
men are not exempt from this .

Refer to my musing a few posts above.

Women definitely aren't responsible for shit dads. But as parents we are individually responsible for imparting our values onto our children IMO.

In isolation I'm fully responsible for any values, opinions or guidance I pass on to my kids, irrespective of whether my wife is there to provide an alternate or similar view.

So I do believe that a mother can responsible for the way a child is raised. But no parent is fully responsible as we are individuals with ability to think critically and to adopt our own value systems (again see above musings). Therefore bad behaviour is down to the individual behaving badly.

@lunar I don’t believe any one parent is responsible for the way a child is raised in the a sense of another because that parents a sense plays a huge role in how that child is raised
how can the remaining parent take the full responsibility . That assumes the Andes ne if the other parent does not impact the child .
i do understand that ib your situation yoh said yoh father may have had a negative impact . However he still Carries part of the responsibility of how you were ultimately raised in thag he did not it was not capable of providing a positive father for you
teo parents conceive , two people are responsible for how that child is raised …. Whether they opt out or are not there or are just plain crap parents doesn’t remove them of that responsibly

i do however agree with your final sentence absolutely

Sorry typos … * that assumes the absence of the other parent

‘In isolation I'm fully responsible for any values, opinions or guidance I pass on to my kids, irrespective of whether my wife is there to provide an alternate or similar view.‘

yet if your wife doesn’t take on her share of the responsibility for how the children are raised she is very much impacting how they are raised … impacting what balance or varied views may be presented etc

@wellhelloitsme
If you'd have said 'I blame the parents' I wouldn't have taken issue with that.

I only blamed the mothers because it's almost entirely a female forum and it's a reference to the occasions where they're saying 'men are xxxx' but my son isn't. Their son may be lovely but to everyone else he's just another man. It's all getting a bit too serious for a simple comment, we just need to remember that in making generalisations there are individuals at the back.