Men who think their opinion is the definitive one

[mintywinter]

I'm on OLD just now but what I've noticed is that there seem to be quite a few men who act like their opinion on something is the authority. I don't want to agree on everything or argue about things, but I do want an equal partner who realises we might both have an opinion on things. Just wondering if anyone else had encountered this really. It could be that it's men of a certain age (late 40s/early to mid 50s) It's really off-putting.

😂…….. but actually that was an important point I think and not just the facts for facts sake ie fact battle

Most people are opinionated. You've only got to look in AIBU to read thousands of women arguing the toss about things they think are 100% gospel.

It's a human trait and the internet forum is proof positive that we're all guilty of expressing opinions, some more forcefully than others. Even on this thread you have one woman expressing a difference of opinion and another telling her that her opinion is wrong because her experience is more prevalent.

The difference seems to me to be layered. They say opinions are like assholes. I guess that's true but the main thrust of this thread is that male assholes are more overbearing!

But you're right about 1918. Many men didn't have a vote and I'm sure there was some solidarity between men and women but has no doubt been lost in the noise.

@Lunar270 absolutely, and I’ve certainly been infoblasted/mansplained at by women plenty of times. But it’s usually been a bit different and certainly less common.

A weird and maybe related/parallel phenomenon in men is hero worship. Awaiting the downloading of knowledge from mighty men. It’s really weird.
In full knowledge that I’m going to make myself sound like a twat, I am a large and imposing man, and my line of work is almost comically “manly”, and putting these two things together I have found that, not often but sometimes, the reaction I get from other men is they can become quite dewey eyed and gushing, fawning. Of course all I want is for them to fuck off because like any sane person I hate my job and the only reason I look like a monster is an accident of birth, and without these two defining characteristics Id probably be legally required to wear a Noddy cap. But I think a lot of men, even the deadly blowhards, are very insecure in their position in society. They feel a need to delineate or assert an idea of manliness, or to find some kind of Jordan Peterson type leader to at least articulate it form them, if only in an abstract way.
None of which is any help to redressing the abundance of bellends of the male sex.
Anyway bla bla bla, enough about me. Wasn’t the Queen’s funeral lovely?

This post, just after you said 'let's leave it there, neither of us has anything to gain from it.'

OK. I'm leaving it there, as you suggested, as I've got clear boundaries that state that I don't discuss things with people who put words in my mouth, and I don't waste my time with people who show themselves to be idiots or disrespectful to myself or others. That covers any further questions you might like to ask me about men, or any points I made on the thread.

I'm sure you'll enjoy having the last word, though, and making a criticism of me or asking me a further question.

Not RTFT.
Why is it that only women are bossy, and only men do mansplaining?

I think a lot of it is due to society expecting girls to be nice and boys to be tough.

Yup. It's the way we view it, like when men look serious it's assumed they're thinking about something, and when women look serious, it's 'resting bitch face'.

Obviously that doesn't cover the whole story, but it's definitely an element.

@Watchkeys
i responded after saying let’s peace it because I saw your question which I felt was polite and fair AFTER I wrote that
its a shame you feel the need to name call rather than address issues

Men do it more than women, - Fact
Men have a different way of speaking, - Fact
Men are more likely to be more competitive than women - Opinion, for discussion
Men talk over each other, are impatient and will interrupt and jump into a conversation if the other one pauses. - FACT
It is about winning, and many of us had that taught to us since we were very young.
Opinions please.

Well spotted, Toobs!

And Talon01, credit for putting your hand up.

I think it goes deeper than ‘winning ‘ I think it also involves who is seen as having power and authority In society it’s also about respect ….. or rather , a lack of respect

It doesn't matter what it is or is not. Male or female or other. Old or young.

When anyone thinks their basically informed "opinion" is correct over all indisputable fact it illustrates a very tedious to be around character trait.

With so many facts there isn't much room for opinions!

I've no idea about winning and can't recall ever being taught that ever. But maybe that's why I don't seem to fit the 'mould'.

I went on a management course many moons ago, which wasn't gendered but had a big segment dedicated to speaking over people, as it's so prevalent in society. I don't think many people get taught how to listen to others at all. It's very natural to think of an important contribution to the discussion and to butt in, in fear of missing your chance. It's quite possible men do this more although I experience it quite evenly. I'm really conscious about it and the value of letting people finish what they're saying. It undermines and leads people to feel less valued. Thankfully the kinds of meetings I have at work are highly civilised so this rarely happens. Socially I spend more time with women and it happens a lot so is difficult for me to get any real perspective.

Men do it more than women, - Fact

No idea, most of the men I interact with value my opinion.

Men have a different way of speaking, - Fact

Surely you mean women have a different way of speaking.

Men are more likely to be more competitive than women - Opinion, for discussion

Don't think so, I've worked mainly with women in an organisation encouraging women to succeed and they were pretty competitive.

Men talk over each other, are impatient and will interrupt and jump into a conversation if the other one pauses. - FACT

This is true of women, many don't even wait for a pause to interrupt and will move to a different conversation having stated their opinion. I have actually reprimanded someone for telling me I was wrong and she was right then walking off. (She was wrong and it was important).

It is about winning, and many of us had that taught to us since we were very young.

I think the days of the 'quiet' woman have been gone for some time but it helps serve a purpose to keep the idea going. There are many women (young and not so young) who are out to succeed.

Socially I spend more time with women and it happens a lot so is difficult for me to get any real perspective.

When I'm out with my husband and our friends conversation tends to be fairly linear, we each talk to the topic and are all talking about the same things.

When I go out with my female friends there can be three or four conversations going on at the same time with everyone dipping in and out as the time passes.

Not their fathers too?

Always a woman's fault.

@BigFatLiar

you seemed to have lots to answer to others but won’t answer my question

you earlier posted that you blame the mothers for men being this way

I asked yih why it’s the mothers faults and not the fathers . That seems hugely mysogynistic.
why is mens behaviour , womens faults ?

yes it’s strange isn’t it
I have just asked @BigFatLiar for the second time about this comment

Isn't it because more single parents tend to be women? Also, we still live in an era (hopefully the tail end) where women do most of the parenting.

I'm in my 50's and was raised by my mum (no father present). My wife's parents are still together but dad worked away a lot and didn't do much parenting anyway. I think a lot of boomer parents were like this.

That's definitely a multi tasking thing!

Interesting though now you mention it and you're right that this seems to happen as you describe.

If we live in an era where women do the most parenting shouldn’t we then be blaming the fathers for not taking in the responsibility for parenting their children and being absent fathers ????
Surely fathers such as the one you dddctibr are failing hugely and not teaching their sons good values but being like that ???

What you're essentially saying is that women do most of the parenting while men are more able to opt out, so it's women's fault if men behave badly as adults... meaning at every point in that cycle women are to blame and men don't have to be accountable?

Let's challenge that way of thinking and label it as pure sexism and misogyny, which it is, rather than saying 'I blame the mothers' like PP did.

Exactly …

@wellhelloitsme @Fbunny

We always blame 'the men' but most of the time its women who are primary carers for children. In lots of post you'll find people saying that they've raised their sons to be respectful and decent but they fail to understand that to everyone else their son is just another man. Lets face it on here dads are dead beats or absent so hardly a major factor.

When I was younger I was bullied at school, it was miserable. When I started work I worked in an office full of women, mostly similar age. It was awful, I seemed to have a sign on me in my younger years saying 'bully me'. I could be sitting writing all women are bullies but i know they're not. Some are, many aren't.

I just find these type of discussions wierd as my experience is often different. Of course I bow to your greater experience when you say its not the mother but the fathers who are the major influence on children (actually thats true for us as he was their main carer).

It was actually a light hearted comment meant to draw your attention to the fact that these terrible men are someones sons, possibly yours and changing their behaviour starts at home. Doesn't help though if despite trying your best your son is going to have it reinforrced that he is a man so is a bad person from outset.

It doesn't help that I've worked mainly in predominantly female areas and all these bad 'male' aspects described are just as prevelant. (ok you're not likely to be raped at work but I have had to deal with a couple of physical fights between women).

Duality is the issue, at the heart of this. So any blaming of women or men is perpetuating the problem.

We all need to stay away from people who disrespect us. With that, disrespectful people will end up alone, and may or may not learn to treat others better. The mess will not be perpetuated.

Tricky one. Just speaking for myself, I'm not sure if I'd have had such determination to be a good dad if I'd have known mine. He was obviously a prick in all respects so would have rubbed off if he were around to teach me anything. As it was, I had a blank sheet of paper so count my blessings!

But yes, I agree that children need balance and parenting from mum and dad. If mum is doing all the parenting then ultimately it's her values that are being passed down, hence the blame, but it's definitely more nuanced than that IMO so you're right.