Attending funeral

[Frankie81a]

BIL had died funeral is at 10am I live 160 miles away and have to drive on two notorious traffic motorways M1 M25 It is not really feasible to have to leave about 5 am on the morning to get there which then means travelling the day before.
After the funeral there is the wake which if having a few drinks means another stop over.
Would it be awful if I did not go and watched the video link instead I do not want to let my sister down. But feel two days out for a funeral and my other half having to take time off work is making me have doubts about going. All the rest of the family live local to the funeral. Feel a bit miffed that it was booked so early in the morning knowing I was the only one needing to make the long journey. What would you do ??

I'd think nothing of setting off at 5am and not drinking shock horror, no alcohol! to support my sibling at their spouses funeral.

Anything less tells them they aren't important enough for you to support and will not be forgotten.

You go to the funeral and not drink. I did this at my dfs funeral. It was very emotional and didn’t want to drink.

Drive the previous day and stay in a bed get hotel. You can drive home after the wake. No need to drink or stay the extra night

How selfish of BIL to die and inconvenience you. Don't go - that'll teach him.

Unless there is historic bad blood between you and your sister, I can't believe that you think these relatively minor concerns are too much for you to put aside in order to support your sister at her husband's funeral. Book a taxi/Uber if you really can't face the drive or the idea of going without a drink.

I would cross continents to support my brother if his wife died. 160 miles and one night off the sauce is trivial.

But perhaps your relationship with your sister is different and she will understand.

A 5am start isn't a big deal. Many people have to do that for work every day. I'd happily do it for a funeral (or a holiday!). You can easily get home the same day. Surely you can manage without alcohol for one day?!

This one has really got me 😅🤣 surely you move heaven and earth to be there!
I can’t imagine any circumstances that would prevent me from being there to support my sister unless I was physically unable to make the journey.

My DH drives 500miles each way just to be home Saturday morning to Sunday evening to spend more time with our DS if he gets an unexpected free weekend during work (he usually works away for a few weeks).

Set off early and don’t drink at the wake?
Drive the evening before, stay over so you don’t have to be up as early, don’t drink at the wake?
Set off early, drink at the wake and stay that night?
And can you not go without DH if necessary if he is unable to get time off work?

Loads of options!!

You have to go.

I would drive down the evening before, just after dinner. Stay over with family and drive home after the wake - don’t drink alcohol at the wake.

Me too. I cannot believe you actually typed that you’re annoyed they didn’t think of you when booking the time?! Are you always this selfish? You’re making excuses and you know you are.

Get up early and don't drink. Why would it take 5 hours to drive 160 miles on motorways ?

For God's sake, go.

This is not about you (or shouldn't be).

You don't need to drink if you have to return home that night, but you being around a bit longer might be a support to your sister?

160 miles really isn't far!

Yabu.

Drive at 5am, or go day before. Can have soft drink at wake and come home in the afternoon/evening.

I would be very upset if my sister offered to watch video link to avoid a big drive or one overnight stay.

It's not actually about you and your convenience - which you appear to have overlooked. Pull yourself together and step up for your sister.

Sorry but doubt 1 persons long drive was any concern at the time of booking funeral. You often dont get many options as its not like you are planning it years in advance. Getting up early 1 day and not drinking (or if you want to drink stopping 1 night) is hardly a big hardship.

What would you do ??

I’d walk 160 miles over burning coals if I had to

And the whole funeral should have apparently been planned around the life of someone who's willing to not even attend.

Video links are for people too unwell to travel/ people who are abroad. Not a sibling who is capable of traveling but just doesn't want to.

Good grief what have I read, your sister had lost their husband and all you can think about is the inconvenience of driving and a one night hotel stay.

I hope this thread has given you some insight into how terrible your attitude is. Support your grieving relative, no matter what it takes.

I would go I wouldn't care how long it took me.

When my dd died My 5 siblings dropped everything to be by my side.

My best friend cut short her holiday and came home.
You never forget these things.

This cannot be real. Nobody is this self centered and selfish surely?

I am so glad so many are saying they would attend no matter what. My mother chose not to attend DH's funeral despite me trying to make it easy for her to get there. She cannot understand why I am still hurt by her actions five months on.

Christ it's all about you isn't it

I'm really assuming you aren't close at all to your sister. I am struggling to believe you are making a fuss about this tbh.

Jesus. I would be so hurt if my sister said she wasn't coming to my husband's funeral as it's a long drive and she doesn't want to take time off or not drink. This cannot be real.

Also, if organising my husband's funeral I wouldn't give a second's thought to what time my sibling would have to leave that morning. Probably because I would presume that they would be there the night before to give support, but I'm in Ireland and funerals are different here.

I cannot believe this post is real. Who actually thinks like this

Go.