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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Toilet habit... ? insensitive or overreacting

76 replies

beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:26

Help! (Sensitive issue so please be kind)
My husband has started approaching me as soon as I leave the bathroom asking if I have sprayed it. When I say yes, and I have, he has proceeded to go in with spray and leave it there. I have always had bowel trouble and never from any relationships had any question or behaviour like this. The window is always open. When I told him it is hurtful he told me to grow up.
Am I being over sensitive or is this unreasonable behaviour?

OP posts:
dudsville · 10/09/2022 08:30

I can see that this might be a sensitive issue for you. I also wonder whether its the same for him in that the smell might be hard for him.

Original poster
beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:31

We have 3 bathrooms and you cannot smell from outside the door. We have no kids in the house also

OP posts:
hedgehogscrossing · 10/09/2022 08:32

I would find this annoying and a bit odd, unless you live in a studio apartment and don't open windows/spray. But you do, so why can't he leave you to it?

Original poster
beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:32

We have 3 bathrooms and you cannot smell from outside the door. We have no kids in the house also

OP posts:
tulips27 · 10/09/2022 08:33

What do you mean "he goes in with spray", sorry? Do you mean he does it again?

Georgeskitchen · 10/09/2022 08:34

No your not overreacting. He doesn't sound a very nice person tbh. Everyone needs to empty their bowels. Does his shit smell of roses?

WafflesOrIceCream · 10/09/2022 08:35

He's being unreasonable!Why would you even ask someone that when they come out of the bathroom?! Next time just tell him to grow up!As an adult you would know to leave the window open and use the spray so your husband should not be going in like that after you to use the spray!

Original poster
beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:35

He just goes in with toilet cleaner spray or air freshner and leaves it there.. I have already sprayed and window open. I clean all bathrooms and they are always spotless unless he uses it funny enough.

OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 10/09/2022 08:37

My husband manages to produce the most foul smelling poo. He says he can’t smell it probably because he was in the room when he produced it. If he doesn’t spray sufficiently it can stink the whole house out and we have a large house.

KangarooKenny · 10/09/2022 08:37

Sounds controlling, in a way, to me. There’s no need for him to go in, he’s doing it because he can, and to shame you.

Workinghardeveryday · 10/09/2022 08:37

What strange behaviour.

Is he super clean in other areas, I am thinking some sort of ocd?

Gunpowder · 10/09/2022 08:38

I would tell him his behaviour is hurtful and insensitive. If he doesn’t change after that this would be a deal breaker for me, especially as you don’t have children together.

Original poster
beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:39

He is a little ocd with the hoover but that is it. I clean the house and it is always spotless.

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 10/09/2022 08:58

He would hate me then as I have crohns and a bag. I can literally clear a room
I wouldn't care about the spraying it's the being there just after you have come out that would upset me. Everyone smells it doesn't need drawing attention too.

Darbs76 · 10/09/2022 09:00

Let him know you don’t like it when he does that. Tell him to use a different toilet if he doesn’t like the smell. If he suggesting the smell is coming into other rooms in the house? Closing the door and opening the window should be sufficient, and if you’ve got 3 toilets for 2 people there’s no reason he should go in there at all

Watchkeys · 10/09/2022 09:23

When I told him it is hurtful he told me to grow up

This is your problem. Doesn't matter whether it's about the bathroom or anything else. How is he usually when you feel something differently to how he feels it? Telling you to 'grow up' is so dismissive. Really not behaviour that would be shown in a healthy relationship. He's basically saying he's right and only a child would think otherwise.

Does he normally listen to and respect your feelings, OP?

Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 09:26

Watchkeys · 10/09/2022 09:23

When I told him it is hurtful he told me to grow up

This is your problem. Doesn't matter whether it's about the bathroom or anything else. How is he usually when you feel something differently to how he feels it? Telling you to 'grow up' is so dismissive. Really not behaviour that would be shown in a healthy relationship. He's basically saying he's right and only a child would think otherwise.

Does he normally listen to and respect your feelings, OP?

Exactly this.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/09/2022 09:29

Why not appoint each of you 1 loo? When his is rank he can't blame you or expect you to clean it.
Win bloody win.
We have a big family holiday and asign a men only loo!!

sidewayswalking · 10/09/2022 09:29

beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:39

He is a little ocd with the hoover but that is it. I clean the house and it is always spotless.

A little ocd Hmm

Come on OP, do better.

EllietheElephanti · 10/09/2022 09:31

No it doesnt sound very nice unless you're prone to leaving the door open (like my DH does) and stinking the house out in which case I'd understand

Watchkeys · 10/09/2022 09:32

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/09/2022 09:29

Why not appoint each of you 1 loo? When his is rank he can't blame you or expect you to clean it.
Win bloody win.
We have a big family holiday and asign a men only loo!!

Because he's putting himself in charge. That's the problem. If he was listening to OP and respecting what she said, she wouldn't have any need to post here.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/09/2022 09:35

Well when he loses that power and moves on to something else the op may have to realise he needs gone.... He isn't nice op.

Twiglets1 · 10/09/2022 09:35

He sounds awful- why doesn’t he just use another toilet if he needs to go in immediately after you?
Very unkind behaviour.

Watchkeys · 10/09/2022 09:35

EllietheElephanti · 10/09/2022 09:31

No it doesnt sound very nice unless you're prone to leaving the door open (like my DH does) and stinking the house out in which case I'd understand

It still wouldn't be ok to tell your spouse to 'grow up' though. If you can't talk it through and reach an understanding together, something's up communication wise, and the actual issue is a symptom rather than the problem.

TitInATrance · 10/09/2022 09:35

Ask him what he wants you to do differently. If there isn’t anything he will have to accept he’s BU.