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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Toilet habit... ? insensitive or overreacting

76 replies

beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:26

Help! (Sensitive issue so please be kind)
My husband has started approaching me as soon as I leave the bathroom asking if I have sprayed it. When I say yes, and I have, he has proceeded to go in with spray and leave it there. I have always had bowel trouble and never from any relationships had any question or behaviour like this. The window is always open. When I told him it is hurtful he told me to grow up.
Am I being over sensitive or is this unreasonable behaviour?

OP posts:
NellesVilla · 10/09/2022 11:24

What a cunt your husband is.

I can’t believe he shames you for something that is natural and out of your control. How dare he?! Everyone needs to take a dump, and no, it generally doesn’t smell of roses unfortunately…for everyone.

I can’t imagine anything worse than this and so grateful to live alone. I thought it was your husband making the stink at first and it reminded me of the disgusting mess men and children make in the toilet- skid marks and pebble dashing everywhere! Again, so happy to live alone.

LTB.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/09/2022 11:29

Spraying the toilet every time you use it? That is not great ecologically. I'd not be happy with a man who cared so little for the environment.
Is there a window or extractor fan in there?

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/09/2022 11:31

Time to get tough..
Laugh at his dick and say can he not take a joke....

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 10/09/2022 12:20

He is being a cunt, he knows he is humiliating you and he likes it. I would be leaving but I would shit in his shoe before I go.

theemmadilemma · 10/09/2022 12:26

He's getting off on this. Probably the power to make you feel shit.

DH has bowl issues sometimes. We have 2 loos. Why would I choose to walk straight in the one he's just come out of? I naturally head to the other one for both our comfort.

plantsareglorious · 10/09/2022 12:52

He sounds like a horrible bastard. Making you feel embarrassed and awful is not the behaviour you should accept from a friend let alone a partner.

Pinkdelight3 · 10/09/2022 12:55

He sounds like an arse, but you can't categorically say it doesn't smell. You won't have the same sensitivity to it and some people have stronger sense of smell than others. Mine is way stronger than my family's and living with three men (DH and 2 DSs) can be quite a trial, even with open bathroom windows, spray and match striking. So he's not necessarily wrong to be struggling with it, but he's handling it badly and blaming you when it's not your fault. Doesn't bode well for the relationship.

CatsandFish · 10/09/2022 14:54

When he takes the spray in there, you should tell HIM to grow up and stop being over-dramatic. After all he is the one running after you with the spray bottle like a loon.

He is being disrespectful and rude, which is abusive. I would tell him he needs to change or you'll consider leaving him.

Sally99 · 10/09/2022 15:08

If you've got 3 loos put a lock on yours and keep the key for your use only. Sorry but you H (he's not a DH at all) sound a nasty piece of work

IrishSee · 10/09/2022 15:14

Light a match for a few seconds, gets rid of any smell straight away. Then tell your DH to piss off.

Grumpusaurus · 10/09/2022 22:01

I'd fart in his general direction and tell him his mother hailed from the Rodentia family but then I do not have a lot of patience for controlling men...

C0rnflake · 10/09/2022 22:12

He sounds like a dick

Pixiedust1234 · 10/09/2022 22:18

My DH can stink the entire house out. Strangely enough the only room that doesn't smell is the toilet room Confused

Deux · 10/09/2022 22:18

Matildahoney · 10/09/2022 10:33

Light a match after you've been, gets rid of the smell

I was just about to suggest this. Keep a box of matches in the bathroom. It really works.

allboysherebutme · 10/09/2022 22:36

Maybe allocate yourself one bathroom and tell him it's yours so he has no need to go in there. X

ginghamstarfish · 10/09/2022 22:48

Why on earth don't you each have a bathroom to yourself? It does seem odd though, more understandable if you were in a tiny flat with one bathroom.

LuckyLil · 11/09/2022 09:46

Thing is you can't really"smell" yourself when you've been. My partner really stinks the bathroom out sometimes and I spray it because it's just not very nice walking I to it after he's been at times. I do it discreetly but I have asked him to spray after. Can't say I see that as controlling. If it was the other way round I'd spray anyway without being asked.

Original poster
beccabee33 · 11/09/2022 10:53

We have three bathrooms. The window is always open, the bathroom is sprayed and domestos is sprayed in the toilet. There is no need to go in straight after and put an additional spray bottle on the floor without spraying it?

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 11/09/2022 12:41

OP, when did this start? You say you've always had bowel problems so presumably he is used to you using the toilet more frequently/with a bit more odour, since the start of your relationship?

It's really odd that he's doing this and a bit unsettling. Have you recently made any life changes that could potentially isolate you such as changing jobs, moving in together/away from family, getting pregnant?

Isaidnoalready · 11/09/2022 12:55

beccabee33 · 11/09/2022 10:53

We have three bathrooms. The window is always open, the bathroom is sprayed and domestos is sprayed in the toilet. There is no need to go in straight after and put an additional spray bottle on the floor without spraying it?

Sorry? He just puts the bottle there without spraying and leaves?

Brigante9 · 11/09/2022 16:07

He’s bullying you. Tell him it stops and he has to use a different bathroom which he is responsible for cleaning.

layladomino · 12/09/2022 10:16

It sounds as though he's doing this to make you feel bad.

Accusing you of not being able to take a joke - where's the joke???
Telling you to 'grow up' - what a horrible thing to say to someone he's meant to love.
What is he like in the rest of life? Does he show you love and respect and support? Do you feel like equal partners?

moistmingemist · 12/09/2022 10:28

Designate one of the bathrooms as yours and tell him not to use it.

Watchkeys · 12/09/2022 10:44

moistmingemist · 12/09/2022 10:28

Designate one of the bathrooms as yours and tell him not to use it.

How's that going to work when he doesn't listen to her or care how she feels?

Scott72 · 15/09/2022 05:47

As an experiment, go into the toilet, wait a couple of minutes, flush the toilet and leave - all without doing anything. If he goes through his normal routine, you now know he's just doing it to mess with you. If you tell him this and he accuses you of lying, you know you're unfortunately stuck with a nasty gaslighting piece of work.