Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Toilet habit... ? insensitive or overreacting

76 replies

beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 08:26

Help! (Sensitive issue so please be kind)
My husband has started approaching me as soon as I leave the bathroom asking if I have sprayed it. When I say yes, and I have, he has proceeded to go in with spray and leave it there. I have always had bowel trouble and never from any relationships had any question or behaviour like this. The window is always open. When I told him it is hurtful he told me to grow up.
Am I being over sensitive or is this unreasonable behaviour?

OP posts:
Funkyslippers · 10/09/2022 09:37

And what does he do if you say you haven't sprayed it?!

icelollycraving · 10/09/2022 09:41

How fucking odd.
I’d be tempted to bloody spray him.
I always ask Ds if he’s flushed/washed his hands but he’s a bit of a grubby urchin. An adult doing this is odd. Give him a taste of his own medicine? Be outside the loo in a hazmat next time he goes.

Slushycuppa · 10/09/2022 09:44

Is he one of these weird men who think women don't shit and smell?

My DH and I joke about each other's poo smelling, but we give as good as we get IYSWIM.

Midlifemusings · 10/09/2022 09:47

Maybe he actually has some obsessive contamination thoughts. Do other types of contiminants or smells bother him or are this concerns solely isolated to your bowel movements?

Original poster
beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 09:54

He won't accept that this is hurting me. Keeps saying take a joke amd throwing things in my face.

OP posts:
Droo · 10/09/2022 09:56

Can he not use one of the other toilets?

icelollycraving · 10/09/2022 09:57

Throwing things in your face? Like actual things or accusations?

nex18 · 10/09/2022 09:58

Shit stinks, the smell permeating the whole house is unnecessary. So clean the loo and put the lid down, spray, open the window and close the door. If you’re doing this, it’s on him, if you’re not, then start.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 10/09/2022 10:05

I initially thought maybe you're not spraying enough, because my OH doesn't. But the saying it's a joke is really worrying. A person who continuously makes a joke which is upsetting someone else is not someone to stay with.

oviraptor21 · 10/09/2022 10:08

beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 09:54

He won't accept that this is hurting me. Keeps saying take a joke amd throwing things in my face.

In that case he needs gone.

Isaidnoalready · 10/09/2022 10:09

Slight derail here but have your tried prebiotic? I have ibs and noticed while uit does bugger all for my symptoms it does take away the smell

That and vipoo

Back to the point again what happens if you say no need I didn't go? I was just cleaning it?

RosieRoww · 10/09/2022 10:11

Op , you must feel like a walking on the eggshells with him.

Watchkeys · 10/09/2022 10:12

beccabee33 · 10/09/2022 09:54

He won't accept that this is hurting me. Keeps saying take a joke amd throwing things in my face.

Does he generally respect you if your feelings are hurt? Does he generally apologise if he does something that you're not happy with?

WonderingWanda · 10/09/2022 10:14

Op I think this sounds quite controlling, maybe not in an intentionally abusive way but a person who is unable to be flexible.in their thinking. I couldn't live like that. We don't clean our toilets after every use and to be honest if my dh or my kids forget to open a window and squirt the airfreshener after using the toilet it's annoying but I wouldn't police their behaviour. I would be wary of his behaviour as I think it could escalate to other aspects of your life. If you plan to have children he will struggle as they generally don't conform to very strict rules and routines.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/09/2022 10:26

Tell him you can disguise your medical issue but he will always be a cunt...

Guiltypleasures001 · 10/09/2022 10:31

Controversial
Are you sure it's not because he likes the smell ?

Matildahoney · 10/09/2022 10:33

Light a match after you've been, gets rid of the smell

LadyEloise1 · 10/09/2022 10:40

Why does he wait outside when you're on the loo when there are 2 other toilets in the house ?
Most odd behaviour.

Marineboy67 · 10/09/2022 10:47

For Christ's sake he sounds like a complete twat. Everyone's shit stinks it's a fact of life. What an utter horrible idiot making an issue out of it. Take his toothbrush and clean under the toilet rim with it and put it back in the glass. This is what my girlfriend done to her ex husband when he treated her like shit for years. Don't put up with it or he'll just continue to embarrass and upset you.

Watchkeys · 10/09/2022 10:52

Marineboy67 · 10/09/2022 10:47

For Christ's sake he sounds like a complete twat. Everyone's shit stinks it's a fact of life. What an utter horrible idiot making an issue out of it. Take his toothbrush and clean under the toilet rim with it and put it back in the glass. This is what my girlfriend done to her ex husband when he treated her like shit for years. Don't put up with it or he'll just continue to embarrass and upset you.

Absolutely no need for OP to stoop to do anything nasty to him. If people aren't nice, stay away from them. There's no need for retaliation, and it's not a healthy mindset.

Cas112 · 10/09/2022 10:52

Just say no and stop doing it

Tell him what's the need in you spraying when he's going to go in and do it anyway, sure he will soon stop

Pollydon · 10/09/2022 10:56

" cant take a joke " = doesnt put up and shut up about my nasty comments.
He is not a nice man.

AleynEivlys · 10/09/2022 11:14

He's a total moron, but if you want something that works, have you tried Poo-Pourri? Rather twee, annoying name I know, but the product is surprisingly effective.

It's basically an essential oil blend that you spray in the toilet bowl before you use the toilet, and it creates a film on the water surface so that the aroma of whatever goes under isn't able to escape.

Might be worth a try?

ShirleyJackson · 10/09/2022 11:17

There’s one massive shit stain you need to get rid of, and it’s not in your bathroom.

wellhelloitsme · 10/09/2022 11:18

@Marineboy67

Take his toothbrush and clean under the toilet rim with it and put it back in the glass

What a fucking psychotic thing to suggest.