If you met someone who took on your dc as their own…

[Tyuii]

Please tell me about it?

dc 1 has a rubbish dad. We broke up in pregnancy and he’s been an awful dad too, patchy etc. I’m definitely NOT looking for a replacement dad, but I would like to settle down as I’m 37. I worry nobody will love and care for dc like I do and I can’t imagine sharing my life with someone who doesn’t embrace that, even if we had more dc in future.

Just be nice to hear if this ever happens.

This is a lovely thread to read. Makes a massive contrast to so many of the step-parenting threads which are just really sad and make my heart ache for the kids caught up in it. So good to know there are people like this out there.

My son was 8 months when I met my partner through a mutual friend. I had been completely on my own through pregnancy/section/small baby until then. He's five now and my partner is still amazing with him. I have a lovely stepdad also.

My husband took my daughter on as his own from the age of 3. She’s 8 now, calls him daddy and they love each other very much. We also have a son together. It’s very possible and it’s what you should strive for. The step parent board on here breaks my heart.

My dd has just graduated, she wanted me and her stepdad there, nobody else. She doesn't call him Dad but calls him ' her second favourite parent'
She's 22 and describes him as being everything a Dad should be.
Dh loves her in a way that amazes me. He has worked tirelessly to provide for her, is a supportive and involved parent and treats her better than many of my friends husbands treat their own dc!

We've never had a child of our own, something I was insistent about from the moment we got serious and something that I think has made a huge difference to how close and loving their relationship is.

I did. He does everything for them that a dad does as a family unit, along with our child together. I can't tell you he loves them exactly as he loves our child but he's very fond of them and loving towards them.

My husbands late father was the best step dad to his half brother.
His step son visited every day, they did the same career, they even had the same facial expressions as each other.
He wasn't a perfect man in every way but he treated all his kids the same.
Honestly there are plenty of men around that can do it. Don't set your sights too low OP XX

DH has been stepdad to my oldest DD for more than 14 years now. We also have a DD between us. DD is still in sporadic contact with her 'real' Dad but ultimately regards DH as her Dad (although she calls him by his first name) and he refers to her as his daughter. He's helping to financially support her at university and will be driving her there when she goes. They have a really lovely relationship.

My Father in Law did this for DH.
He was the first boyf of MIL's that a little DH ever liked.
He told FIL aged 6 that he should propose to his mum & get him a little bro.
FIL did just that.
DH doesn't call anyone else "Dad"
😊

My boyfriend is a better father to my children then their actual dad. They absolutely adore him and he makes such an effort

he’s also ten years younger than me! There are defo men out there who will step up to this role

My husband took on my 2 eldest Children who at the time were both under 2. Husband never had kids before, no family kids for him to have a clue.

We have a DC of our own now a good few years down the line.

My eldest ones have categorically stated if husband and I ever split, they don't want me or their 'real' dad, they want to stay with DH 🤣

Absolutely. Met when youngest was 18m. Don't give up hope.

👍👍

Thanks for these replies! Feel a lot better.

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can I asked where you found these men? I have dabbled with online dating but find it quite depressing! I don’t live in a city so wouldn’t really meet someone in a shop etc.

My own father is a horrible abusive man, DD1s father is very selfish, never worked etc.

When DD was little I focused on myself (and her), i met a lovely man who completely adored us.

We are now married in our own home and have a child together. My eldest is now a teen (was 6 when we met) and we are a lovely family. He honestly loves her like his own.

They are some awesome men out there op, my advice would be to take it slow. We dated for 2 years, moved in after 4, had our baby after 6 years etc.

Work. So id known him a while before getting together.

@Tyuii I did all the online dating and looking back it was horrendous.

I had to take an evening job as couldn't afford childcare on my own, I met my now husband as he lived at the pub I worked at (probably majorly outing but who cares). To this day I still think if my parents hadn't agreed to having my kids a couple of nights a week, there's no way I could have taken the job and wouldn't have met him as he fiercely detests online dating.

I firmly believe it happens when pure not looking. Yes I'm cringing when I say it but I feel it's true!

@Tyuii
My husbands mum met his dad in a pub, it was 35 years ago though.
It helped he had a son as well, and she treated his son the same as the rest of the kids.
They acted as one cohesive family unit, none of this " his kids " or " my kids".
Also my best friends step dad treats her like his own. He refers to her as " my daughter " ....walking her down the aisle with her bio dad at her wedding. Her mum was a nurse and met him treating his diabetes in hospital . Her mum never forced the relationship and let the bond grow naturally.

My friend mentioned above has so many loving step parents and in laws she's worried about having the time to support them all when they're old .... haha. Apparently the only downside. She's got eight parents / step parents / in laws / step in laws as well as a couple of grandparents !!!

I clean for a lady that has a blended family and also clean her mum and stepdad's house. They are just the nicest family ever, so much love and respect for one another. She told me how she escaped from her abusive ex partner, with a small dc in tow, and it was her stepdad that came to get her out-of the house and warn off the ex. She then remarried an amazing man and had 2 more children and they've been together over 20 years.

Not me, but my mum. I'm as certain as I possibly can be that he loves me as his own and as much as he does my younger sister, who is his own. In 34 years of knowing him (since I was 4), I haven't once seen or felt any evidence to the contrary. Maybe he's an award-winning actor but I don't think so. He and my mum split up over a decade ago and, despite living overseas, he is by far the most loving and attentive grandparent my kids have. He's utterly enthralled by them.

I'm not saying he's ten a penny or you'll definitely find this. But what you're asking is entirely possible.

My son is as much my husbands as he is mine, he is a fantastic Papa to him. Obviously it builds over time, it doesn’t develop as quickly as it does with a legal parent. My son was three when we met, my husband didn’t have children or any real experience of them, so it was a big learning curve for him at first. We now have a daughter together, you can see he loves them both the same and enjoys raising both of them. I’m very grateful that I found him.

StepMum rather than Dad but yes - I love my step-daughters as though they were my own, it's a slightly different love to my bio daughter but though different just as strong. I love being there for all their major milestones - and we are at the wedding and engagement milestones now.

I worry about them when they are on long road trips, or on holiday. I think about them during the day and day dream about what Christmas presents I want to get them this year.

I tell them I love them. It feels amazing when they tell me they love me too.

I think this makes them more amazing to be honest. My dad is exactly the same

Not me personally but I have several family members and friends that it’s worked out for.

DB calls his DSS Son, he’s my nephew and my parents are his grandparents. He still has his shit bio dad but he loves my DB and they would do anything for each other.

DCousin has a partner that’s always loved and been there for her children, again shit bio dad. Her DCs call him Dad and his parents grandad and Nan etc.

BIL adores his DSD, they hang out, go to football, my children call her their cousin, she’s treat like any other grandchild.

Friend now has a family of 6 DCs hers, her DPs & joint, she adore her DSCs & her DP is the same with her DCs.

It can definitely work out with the right person.

I have been very lucky. I absolutely chose the best DH who has been a wonderful father to my first child and later to our children as a couple.
As a single Mum before I met him, I dated a single Dad. I found it really hard, it's not for everyone.

Yes sure, I love my step kids and do a lot for them (if I do say so myself).