Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating partner

104 replies

Olivasand · 05/09/2022 23:34

I have just found out this evening that my fiance has cheated on me. I did ask him before this but he denied it. I have had my suspicions for a while and have just seen the texts sent confirming my fears.He doesn't yet know that I know. I have her number but don't know how to approach this. I feel heartbroken.
Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 06/09/2022 20:44

Olivasand · 06/09/2022 18:24

Thank you all for your messages.. It has been an extremely stressful day. I confronted him this morning, and he denied it.. He said he asked her if he could send her messages to wind me up, so he could prove I look at his phone. Does anyone believe that??

I would forward their messages to her husband and not say a word. So the douche called you “evil cunt” right? Own it. Next step: change your locks and leave all his shyte on a suitcase outside your door. Let him go and move in with his married lover lol 😂

Original poster
Olivasand · 06/09/2022 20:46

redbluegreenwhite · 06/09/2022 20:32

please block him now OP. look how much support you have here. Keep us all updated.

Thank you all so much. I feel your support.xxx

OP posts:
Technophobic · 06/09/2022 20:47

Block him.

Original poster
Olivasand · 06/09/2022 20:49

Sandra1984 · 06/09/2022 20:44

I would forward their messages to her husband and not say a word. So the douche called you “evil cunt” right? Own it. Next step: change your locks and leave all his shyte on a suitcase outside your door. Let him go and move in with his married lover lol 😂

Show quote history

I have always tried to see the good in people first. I am a good person. All I ever probably did wrong was ask for a hug which I very rarely got.

OP posts:
Camparispritzandcrisps · 06/09/2022 21:15

You've shown some amazing strength in kicking this absolute tosser out. You're a good person who deserves so much better than him - well done on showing him that!

If you haven't already, take a look at the Chump Lady blog - it's a great resource for people dealing with the fallout from cheating partners with a really supportive community of people who've come out the other side. It's not for everyone, but it's really helped me.

ChumpLady

sagalooshoe · 06/09/2022 21:33

There's nothing wrong with asking for a hug. Nothing at all. Hugs are the best! You deserve a great hug from a lovely person. You will never feel safe and comfortable in the arms of this horrible man.

Nizzles · 06/09/2022 21:36

I’m going through a horrible break up now too so I know what it’s like, it’s damn hard. You are a good person and don’t let him make you think otherwise, he’s the one with the nasty, cheating side to him who doesn’t like to be reminded that actually he is the c@&t here.

Even if you don’t feel strong, you are...as you’ve made the right step in chucking him out with his tall stories. He can stew on his failings now. Keep it that way and keep posting here for support 💕

Original poster
Olivasand · 06/09/2022 21:50

Nizzles · 06/09/2022 21:36

I’m going through a horrible break up now too so I know what it’s like, it’s damn hard. You are a good person and don’t let him make you think otherwise, he’s the one with the nasty, cheating side to him who doesn’t like to be reminded that actually he is the c@&t here.

Even if you don’t feel strong, you are...as you’ve made the right step in chucking him out with his tall stories. He can stew on his failings now. Keep it that way and keep posting here for support 💕

Thank you, it took every ounce of something in me today to tell him to leave.. He tell me that he hasn't had sex with her whilst he has been with me. That it was years ago. Regardless, sending messages saying you want to fuck them and when reminded that he was in a relationship, his reply was "Fuck that" I want you.
But I am told that this isn't cheating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Olivasand · 06/09/2022 21:52

Olivasand · 06/09/2022 21:50

Thank you, it took every ounce of something in me today to tell him to leave.. He tell me that he hasn't had sex with her whilst he has been with me. That it was years ago. Regardless, sending messages saying you want to fuck them and when reminded that he was in a relationship, his reply was "Fuck that" I want you.
But I am told that this isn't cheating.

Show quote history

And I am sorry to hear you are going through a break up. I am sending you best wishes, and the knowledge of knowing your pain xx

OP posts:
Whysolong7 · 06/09/2022 21:59

You have done the right thing, I know exactly how hard it is but you won’t be sorry in the long term - post marriage post kids this would be really, really hard.. he would 100% have done this again. And then lied about it again.

drinkfeck · 06/09/2022 22:13

Hey. Just checking in to see how you're doing

So glad you've kicked the scumbag out. I know it wasn't easy. But I promise you will look back one day and realise it was a lucky escape.

Have you blocked him? He will persist. My experience of narcs is that they won't stop till they decide it's over. That's why I really recommend blocking. It takes it out of their control.

You're in charge of you. Be strong. And decide you don't allow life suckers, cheaters and general arseholes in to your life.

Seeinglightthroughallhisbullshit · 06/09/2022 22:16

You have taken power back and with it gained self esteem by making such a powerful choice to be a survivor not a victim.. of a low life cheating skank. You deserve so much more and hopefully one day can look back and realise what a very lucky escape you had. Do not for one second consider letting him charm/ worm/ crawl back. He showed you who and what he is: an immature disgusting vile cheating little man who will never change.

Respect @Olivasand and onwards and upwards.

allboysherebutme · 06/09/2022 22:24

Change the locks leave his bags outside, he's not worth your time, he's trying to blame you for his shitty behaviour. X

Buildingthefuture · 07/09/2022 06:06

Well done op! I’m cheering you on, you have been very strong. But, keep going. Don’t let this manipulative tosser attempt to weasel his way back in. Messages to wind you up??? Tell him you were born at night not last night!!! You do sound like a good person and he just…..isn’t. Why waste anymore time on someone who simply doesn’t deserve you? Onwards, towards a better future without this deadweight dragging you down xx

2catsandhappy · 07/09/2022 07:12

If you are not ready yet to block him on your phone, please change his contact name to 'Cheating liar'

Original poster
Olivasand · 07/09/2022 08:02

Thank you for your support xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Olivasand · 07/09/2022 08:08

sagalooshoe · 06/09/2022 21:33

There's nothing wrong with asking for a hug. Nothing at all. Hugs are the best! You deserve a great hug from a lovely person. You will never feel safe and comfortable in the arms of this horrible man.

There wasn't much affection, and I missed that.

OP posts:
newbiename · 07/09/2022 08:21

You need to block him, otherwise he'll try and worm his way back in.
Apart from the cheating he sounds awful.
You'll get through this.

doitwithlove · 07/09/2022 08:41

Definitely block him, that way you know he cannot contact you with his excuses.

IsJohnReadyToMakeAComeback · 07/09/2022 09:10

You will get over this OP, stay strong and don't engage with him. Do not trust anything that comes out of him mouth - you already know he's a lier.

Sandra1984 · 07/09/2022 09:17

Olivasand · 07/09/2022 08:08

There wasn't much affection, and I missed that.

Show quote history

He lied, he cheated, was incredibly abusive, put you down constantly, was not affectionate and had no money.

And you were with this jewel because?

Original poster
Olivasand · 07/09/2022 20:23

Sandra1984 · 07/09/2022 09:17

He lied, he cheated, was incredibly abusive, put you down constantly, was not affectionate and had no money.

And you were with this jewel because?

Show quote history

I am really struggling today. He has blamed me. And now I am questioning myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Olivasand · 07/09/2022 20:25

Every part of me is telling me to reach out to him and say yes come back, I understand why you acted like you did. I feel like I have lost part of myself.

OP posts:
drinkfeck · 07/09/2022 20:32

What do you miss?

He wasn't affectionate. He lied. He cheated.

Do you not think you will be happier without that in your life?

I'm just trying to help. We've all been there. But I think deep down you know he's a shit. So what keeps you hanging?

A lot of people have a fear of abandonment or of being alone. Could it be this? Or a feeling you're not worth anything better?

I again encourage the counselling. To help you unpick this.

Sandra1984 · 07/09/2022 20:39

Olivasand · 07/09/2022 20:25

Every part of me is telling me to reach out to him and say yes come back, I understand why you acted like you did. I feel like I have lost part of myself.

After this looser is gone I know you’ll find a man who is kind, treats you with respect and gives you lots of hugs. (He’s out there waiting for you to get rid of this looser). Every time you feel like taking back this jerk you’re pushing mr nice guy away. The sooner you go no contact the sooner you will heal and be ready for a healthy relationship.Think of the good things waiting ahead.