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Original poster

Please help me write a "divorce" letter to my sister

105 replies

Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 10:11

I wrote about it the other day, but after a massive fallout (that she has since apologised but that's by the by) I just want to go separate ways from my sister. I don't hate her, but I think my life would be better if I never had to see her again. Unfortunately we still have to manage our parents' estate which is the main tricky part about this. Any help in what to put in said letter is really welcome.

OP posts:
Threelittlelambs · 05/09/2022 10:18

Actions speak louder than words.

Grin and bear the estate work and walk away. You don’t have to take calls or respond to text messages. I wouldn’t write a letter.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/09/2022 10:19

How long until you finish sorting out your parents estate?

Nopetryagain · 05/09/2022 10:19

Please don’t write a letter, that sounds dramatic and unnecessary.

Frolicinameadow · 05/09/2022 10:22

Why write a letter? Remove yourself from her life. She doesn’t need written notice, she’s not a tenant in your life.

Original poster
Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 10:25

Well they're still alive, so there's that. But my DM put the family business in my name when I was 18/19 to protect it from my father's imminent prosecution. That actually only happened 20 years later. However, it has to be sold one day, but there's no agreement on who would keep the proceedings or how should they be split. The house my DM lives in is co-owned by my sister and myself (to avoid inheritance tax)

OP posts:
Yesthatismychildsigh · 05/09/2022 10:25

Writing a letter just seems immature, attention seeking, passive aggressive and looking for trouble/drama. Just finish sorting the estate and drop contact, like an adult.

goldfinchonthelawn · 05/09/2022 10:26

I agree. Sort out the estate in a businesslike manner and then just cut ties, or reduce them in a way that works for you.

Don't write a letter. Sorting out a family estate is an extremely emotional time and tempers run high and people don't behave at their best, or can overreact to minor issues. Take the very long view. If you have, generally got on, then just distance yourself for as long as you need and get back in touch when you are ready. IMO, unless someone is actually malign - a bully, violent, a narcissist or an addict, then it's better to keep on speaking terms with family members even if they are a bit difficult. No one is perfect.

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2022 10:27

No need for dramatic letter writing
Just be professional and deal with necessary matters only then go nc

gingertoast · 05/09/2022 10:28

The only purpose a letter would serve is to create drama and more contact. Ascertain your mothers wishes for her estate, get will written accordingly and carry on with your life

Original poster
Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 10:28

No I don't get along with her (haven't had for the past 15+ years). She's called me a thief, money grabber, and dated my bully (who made my life miserable).

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 05/09/2022 10:45

Don't send a letter, you're just opening an unnecessary correspondence and will create drama. Just ignore and avoid.

If you feel the need to write a letter to get it off your chest, do it and then burn it.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 05/09/2022 10:50

Stop!

No matter what your sister is like you are doing this to yourself - with the full help of your parents. You haven't taken anything, she is angry/scared that you might.

The obvious thing to do is to ignore her and, when the time comes, split everything 50:50, isn't it?

Or sell the house 50: 50 and run away with the business, presuming it is worth anything. At which point you will have proved her to be right!

But you aren't at that point yet. So next time she says anything to your face tell her to grow up and walk away!

Don't write a letter, she will weaponise whatever you write.

Chin up and try hard to rethink your relationship with her. She is childish, you are being the adult. Your parents obviously agree or why lodge their business in your name?

Hbh17 · 05/09/2022 10:50

Just deal with the business issues if and when they arise and otherwise stay away from her - you will both be happier.

Original poster
Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 10:50

Unfortunately I feel like my sister will still look to have a relationship. Don't understand why she's so stubborn but it is what it is.

OP posts:
GoneWithTheWine1 · 05/09/2022 10:51

Don't write a letter that's just immature and purposely trying to cause drama. One could argue your just as bad as her.

Just deal with the issues as they rise and stay away.

Lilithslove · 05/09/2022 10:51

Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 10:25

Well they're still alive, so there's that. But my DM put the family business in my name when I was 18/19 to protect it from my father's imminent prosecution. That actually only happened 20 years later. However, it has to be sold one day, but there's no agreement on who would keep the proceedings or how should they be split. The house my DM lives in is co-owned by my sister and myself (to avoid inheritance tax)

Could you try and get some kind of legal agreement in place now so that when the time comes you aren't dealing with this on top of grieving your parents?

I agree with other posters that a letter seems a bit unnecessary and might end up creating more drama than it it worth.

Original poster
Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 10:53

Quite frankly I can't remember why it was me as opposed to her. Unfortunately we live in different countries and our parents live in a third one, so meeting is never a matte of just a few hours.

OP posts:
WaveyHair · 05/09/2022 10:55

Deal with your family's estate as best you can. If you write a letter it will just turn into something she can fling back at you. You never know when you might have to deal with her again.

Just go low key communication- answer only what needs to be answered and just drop all other forms of contact.

Original poster
Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 10:57

Not really. It was agreed that to understand how the business had to be split I had to visit my dad in prison, but at the same time that's not really a priority of mine. My DMs house could be potentially solved if I sold another property I own and give my sister her half (that is if she agrees). However I do use that rental income, so it wouldn't be my #1 choice. Or I just give everything to my sister and never talk/see her again. Which at this point I'm almost happy to.

OP posts:
CPL593H · 05/09/2022 11:06

There is no need to write a letter to inflame things further. When the time comes to sort this out, get a solicitor to handle it and channel everything through them. It will cost but if the situation is that untenable for you, it will be worth it. In the meantime, you are not being forced at gunpoint to meet her.

Original poster
Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 11:07

No I've never been forced at gunpoint but I've always had the "but it's such a shame" from my DM and partially my DH (although he had never met her).

OP posts:
ilyx · 05/09/2022 11:07

Yesthatismychildsigh · 05/09/2022 10:25

Writing a letter just seems immature, attention seeking, passive aggressive and looking for trouble/drama. Just finish sorting the estate and drop contact, like an adult.

Yes exactly. Don’t have a relationship with her but just be civil.

Fraaahnces · 05/09/2022 11:09

Just go really LC and wait until after your parents eventually pass and their estate is wound up. Block her then

sistersisterIDonotmissyou · 05/09/2022 11:13

@Namechangefail123 I wouldn't write her a letter. I am in a similar situation with my sister. Without the estate stuff.
She has been awful to me my whole life. She ruined my hen, she tried to cause trouble at my wedding, she caused trouble after it. She treats my kids so badly and I was so good to hers until I had mine and she showed us who she was with how she treated them.
5 years ago I just stopped contacting her.

If I meet her at my parents house I'm polite but distant. I don't initiate any contact and nor does she. She deleted me from her social media. Suits me fine. She adds nothing to my life. I wouldn't choose her as a friend and she has no place in my life.

The relief is immense. My world is a better, happier, more pleasant place without her in it. It is the best thing I've ever done for myself. There was no drama, no conversation about it, we are civil when it's necessary and we are no contact 99% of the time. She lives 15 minutes away and has never been in my house. I haven't seen her in over a year. It's bliss.

CPL593H · 05/09/2022 11:14

Namechangefail123 · 05/09/2022 11:07

No I've never been forced at gunpoint but I've always had the "but it's such a shame" from my DM and partially my DH (although he had never met her).

Then you have to find ways of applying clear and consistent boundaries that work for you, although they may not coincide with what other people "think" you should be doing.