How to relate to a woman who I think fancies DH

jogonupthathill · 2022-09-03T09:08:15+00:00

I know people might say don't stress it but I'm starting to get a bit anxious about how to relate to this woman. Long story short, a woman who walks her dog at the same time we walk our dog. I believe she's worked out the days DH walks the dog alone as she's always in the same vicinity at the same time when DH is alone, but never see her now when we are walking the dog together. I think my problem started the first time I saw her she seemed over-familiar towards DH, like they had met before. They hadn't. I could tell from what he said to her about our dog. From observing the way she is, I basically think she fancies him (sorry, not a stealth boast). I've been thinking about arranging it so that I'm with him on a day he normally does the walk alone but how should I relate to her?

J0y · 03/09/2022 10:09

is he the type to be so flattered by somebody making it clear they fancied him that he'd ''have to'' act on it?

Allelbowsandtoes · 03/09/2022 10:10

What do you mean when you say relate to her? Are you trying to be matey with her or suss her out or what?

Personally I wouldn't bother, I'd just bring it up with DP and probably have a laugh about it together.

Original poster

jogonupthathill · 03/09/2022 10:23

J0y · 03/09/2022 10:09

is he the type to be so flattered by somebody making it clear they fancied him that he'd ''have to'' act on it?

No. I think he would make it clear he was married. I've no doubt it would be tempting, but not sure that would be the case with this woman - she's not his 'type'.

OP posts:

Original poster

jogonupthathill · 03/09/2022 10:27

Allelbowsandtoes · 03/09/2022 10:10

What do you mean when you say relate to her? Are you trying to be matey with her or suss her out or what?

Personally I wouldn't bother, I'd just bring it up with DP and probably have a laugh about it together.

When I say relate to her I just mean how to be if she's not making eye contact with me, talking to him rather than to us. Like she doesn't know who I am, but she knows who he is. I feel like I cannot be 'normal' because I have doubts about her in the back of my mind.
Yes, I would like to suss her out.

OP posts:

Fladdermus · 03/09/2022 10:36

I wouldn't relate to her at all. I'd position myself between her and my DH, hold his hand if possible, and keep having private conversations with him 'do you remember the time we ...' and totally freeze her out. Or I'd just tell my DH who'd them be absolutely terrified and avoid her like the plague.

Cherchezlaspice · 03/09/2022 10:41

Why do you care if she fancies your DH? What are you anxious about, specifically? And why does someone possibly fancying him mean that you need to be present - what is it you’re worried will happen if you’re not?

I assume that lots of people fancy my DH, he’s good looking and a very nice man. It’s not something that ever occurred to me to be anxious about, if I’m honest.

monicagellerbing · 03/09/2022 10:42

@Fladdermus are you 12?

Cherchezlaspice · 03/09/2022 10:43

I'd position myself between her and my DH, hold his hand if possible, and keep having private conversations with him 'do you remember the time we ...' and totally freeze her out

Seriously? 😂 OP, please don’t do this.

Dumblebum · 03/09/2022 10:43

Can’t imagine giving a shit about this. So what if someone fancies him. Are you a really jealous and insecure person`? If you think he will cheat deal with him. If you don’t. Who gives a fuck if she fancies him.

Fladdermus · 03/09/2022 10:44

monicagellerbing · 03/09/2022 10:42

@Fladdermus are you 12?

Yes I am. I'm a 12 year old with zero tolerance of predatory women making a play for other women's husbands. The OP owes her nothing.

Dumblebum · 03/09/2022 10:44

Fladdermus · 03/09/2022 10:36

I wouldn't relate to her at all. I'd position myself between her and my DH, hold his hand if possible, and keep having private conversations with him 'do you remember the time we ...' and totally freeze her out. Or I'd just tell my DH who'd them be absolutely terrified and avoid her like the plague.

Oh god. How teenage cringe 😂

Original poster

jogonupthathill · 03/09/2022 10:46

Cherchezlaspice · 03/09/2022 10:41

Why do you care if she fancies your DH? What are you anxious about, specifically? And why does someone possibly fancying him mean that you need to be present - what is it you’re worried will happen if you’re not?

I assume that lots of people fancy my DH, he’s good looking and a very nice man. It’s not something that ever occurred to me to be anxious about, if I’m honest.

Good point. I suppose I feel anxious about how they are together when they stop and chat when I'm not there. I get the feeling that she's got the wrong end of the stick or that she assumes I'm his casual girlfriend or something. I know it's irrational but that's just the way it makes me feel. I feel it would be better if I had the opportunity to be with him so that I could indirectly put the record straight for her but unsure how to go about it. The holding hands thing is a good idea. Bottom line is, I'm asking myself is it one of those situations that could get out of hand further down the line so best to sort it out early?

OP posts:

Windbeneathmybingowings · 03/09/2022 10:47

Just be a bold and confident woman in her presence.

Do not follow the previous advice of trying to fight her for him.

SheWoreYellow · 03/09/2022 10:48

How do you know she’s there when he’s alone, if you’re not there?

Id possibly move things about a bit just to be annoying. I mean, yes, walk the dog with him.

WildFlowerBees · 03/09/2022 10:49

What has your dh said when you've explained her presence makes you uncomfortable?

TedMullins · 03/09/2022 10:50

The only person who could make it “out of hand” is your DH if he decided to strike up an affair with her. If you trust him, there shouldn’t be a problem. You can’t stop people fancying him. Maybe she doesn’t even fancy him and is just friendly, it’s quite normal for dog owners to stop and chat.

Original poster

jogonupthathill · 03/09/2022 10:52

Dumblebum · 03/09/2022 10:43

Can’t imagine giving a shit about this. So what if someone fancies him. Are you a really jealous and insecure person`? If you think he will cheat deal with him. If you don’t. Who gives a fuck if she fancies him.

I'm definitely not jealous or insecure.
I want to avoid any potentially awkward or difficult situations.
The dog-walking community is quite large where we are and like any community, tongues can wag, chinese whispers, etc.
I don't want to be one of those women who are like hands-off, he's my man. But at the same time I am convinced she's under a false apprehension.

OP posts:

Cherchezlaspice · 03/09/2022 10:54

jogonupthathill · 03/09/2022 10:46

Good point. I suppose I feel anxious about how they are together when they stop and chat when I'm not there. I get the feeling that she's got the wrong end of the stick or that she assumes I'm his casual girlfriend or something. I know it's irrational but that's just the way it makes me feel. I feel it would be better if I had the opportunity to be with him so that I could indirectly put the record straight for her but unsure how to go about it. The holding hands thing is a good idea. Bottom line is, I'm asking myself is it one of those situations that could get out of hand further down the line so best to sort it out early?

Show quote history

What is the situation, exactly? As there doesn’t seem to be one. A woman who occasionally sees your husband fancying him isn’t a ‘situation’ to sort out. Unless you genuinely believe that your DH is up for shagging any woman who will give him the time of day (in which case, your relationship is the issue), what exactly is the problem? You haven’t said.

If you’re uncomfortable with something, then talk to your husband. I’m not sure why that’s not the first thing you would do, as opposed to seeking ways to stake your claim in front of a stranger. Tell him how you’re feeling, admit it’s irrational (because it is) and have a chat about it.

Also, the holding hands suggestion was not me!

blankittyblank · 03/09/2022 10:54

I also can't see the issue. Either your trust your husband or you don't. If you do then no issue. If you don't then you have bigger things to worry about.

donquixotedelamancha · 03/09/2022 10:55

Bottom line is, I'm asking myself is it one of those situations that could get out of hand further down the line so best to sort it out early?

It can only get out of hand if she asks him out and he says yes.

You are reading a huge amount into a minor interaction. If your DH has given you cause to be so jealous then you need to address what he's doing.

If he's never cheated on you then you have a problem. You are disrespecting him and making yourself worry. Start by talking to your husband about your feelings.

Original poster

jogonupthathill · 03/09/2022 10:55

TedMullins · 03/09/2022 10:50

The only person who could make it “out of hand” is your DH if he decided to strike up an affair with her. If you trust him, there shouldn’t be a problem. You can’t stop people fancying him. Maybe she doesn’t even fancy him and is just friendly, it’s quite normal for dog owners to stop and chat.

I've had dogs for years so I am really familiar with how it works in the dog community. That is why this one stands out for me.
I think I can tell the difference between friendliness and more. If she was naturally friendly, then she would be friendly towards me as well. She's not the same with me.

OP posts:

Fladdermus · 03/09/2022 10:58

People are jumping on the first, tongue in cheeck part of my post and ignoring the final part (bit early to fully engage in critical thinking). The bit that says talk to your husband OP. If you're not happy with the situation talk to him, it's his response that matters.

Cherchezlaspice · 03/09/2022 10:58

jogonupthathill · 03/09/2022 10:55

I've had dogs for years so I am really familiar with how it works in the dog community. That is why this one stands out for me.
I think I can tell the difference between friendliness and more. If she was naturally friendly, then she would be friendly towards me as well. She's not the same with me.

Show quote history

So what, though? You’re responding to posts but don’t seem to actually be taking in what they’re saying.

The only person who could make it “out of hand” is your DH if he decided to strike up an affair with her. If you trust him, there shouldn’t be a problem. You can’t stop people fancying him still holds. Everything else is irrelevant.

Josette77 · 03/09/2022 11:00

So you think your dh might cheat?

mattressspring · 03/09/2022 11:04

When I say relate to her I just mean how to be if she's not making eye contact with me, talking to him rather than to us. Like she doesn't know who I am, but she knows who he is.

You are massively overthinking a nothing. Who considers a random stranger and whether they might make eye contact

I feel like I cannot be 'normal' because I have doubts about her in the back of my mind.

What doubts do you have about her? That's some level of crazy to be having 'doubts' about someone you don't even know. What is their to 'doubt'