How to relate to a woman who I think fancies DH

[jogonupthathill]

I know people might say don't stress it but I'm starting to get a bit anxious about how to relate to this woman.
Long story short, a woman who walks her dog at the same time we walk our dog.
I believe she's worked out the days DH walks the dog alone as she's always in the same vicinity at the same time when DH is alone, but never see her now when we are walking the dog together.
I think my problem started the first time I saw her she seemed over-familiar towards DH, like they had met before. They hadn't. I could tell from what he said to her about our dog.
From observing the way she is, I basically think she fancies him (sorry, not a stealth boast).
I've been thinking about arranging it so that I'm with him on a day he normally does the walk alone but how should I relate to her?

I was wondering that @Facecream but then I thought how likely it is that someone makes clear they are married in general conversation? If he hasn't seen a problem, is he likely to make it clear he is married, or change his walk times?

I ended up walking my dog at the same time / place as a nice chap a couple of years ago. During our chats it became apparent he was married and I was single.
Changed nothing in our chats. Say hello and chat for a few minutes when we see each other, either if his wife is there or not.
I think you are overthinking this or you don't trust your dh.

Equally she could be naturally over-familiar and make a concerted effort to avoid OP because OP's subconscious behaviour makes her uncomfortable

Wait, dog walking community or dogging community?

This is indeed very similar to a previous post about a woman walking her dog earlier and up the OP’s road on two specific mornings.
Who knew walking dogs was the way to suss out available husbands?
🙄
Poor woman is probably scared to say anything to you.
@ShaneTwane 🤣

I have focused on why I'm feeling this way. That is why I tried to explain it further up in the thread.
There's something different about this situation than any other dog-walking situation before. Bearing in mind we've been married years, and have met many dogs and their walkers, I've tried to critically analyse why I am feeling like this about this particular one

You haven’t, even though. Not even a tiny bit. You’ve avoided any questions and refused to engage with any posts that would cause you to analyse or explain. I find it really interesting when posters do this.

😂😂😂

Ah OP on another day you would have been advised to trust your gut

By some posters - and others would have said the same as they’re saying on here, which is she s probably picking up on the weird vibes the OP is giving off/so what if she fancies him, her DH is a grown man who can say no/etc.

she assumes I'm his casual girlfriend or something then get your husband to drop the word wife into his conversation just so she is very clear he is married.

Seems to me this could be one of two scenarios.
One, OP is neurotic or overthinking some coincidences.
Two, OP is observant and has noticed things.

What interests me more is that you noticed her being over-familiar the first time you saw her @jogonupthathill and that this was the first time your OH also saw her. Is it possible that this wasn't the first time he had spoken to her and he could have forgotten or he didn't want you to know they had spoken before?

OP you need a new hobby or some kind of new past time. Fantasising over whether your DH is going to have an affair with a stranger is a total waste of time and energy for everyone involved.

Cruel.
I don't think the OP is fantasising about him having an affair because she has categorically said he wouldn't cheat.
If it's a waste of time, why are you bothering to read it @Summerfun54321 ?!

I think you are overthinking it. I do relate , because recently I went through illness with some pretty big physical changes (temporary but I really did look like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards - no time or energy to care either!), and it was the first time, in many years of marriage that two people questioned our relationship - what we are to each each other "You're married? really? type of thing. People always assumed we were married before - similar age and attractiveness (both fairly average) . It made me wonder actually, if they expected my DH to be with someone better.

Anyway, I am going on about myself, sorry. If your relationship is good, and secure, you really shouldn't put any time into worrying about this (easier said than done I know). But you could drive yourself crazy by wondering about the intentions of strangers! And it really is a rabbit hole you want to avoid.

Sorry but I must have missed the post where you say your OH has a habit of falling over dick first into other random dog walkers, or where this woman has lassoed him to the nearest weeping willow and sexually harrassed the poor fella.

Or, if you're not concerned about your oh cheating and just her behaviour, the bit wheres she's frolicked naked in the daisies shouting 'come and get it big boy, juts tie the dogs up first'. Because even if she did, or whatever way she behaves, doesn't mean your OH wouldn't actually do anything wrong.

If you trust your partner, it doesn't matter how she acts, what she does etc, he will still not be interested

The dog-walking community is quite large where we are and like any community, tongues can wag, chinese whispers, etc.

But unless your DH is really obviously, visibly flirting with her then what would they say?

Man and woman caught in having conversation...

I think you need to get to the root of your anxiety on this. You say you trust him and also that it's definitely not due to insecurity.

So is it just that you're frightened that while he wouldn't cheat, he might match what you view as her over familiarity and then people would gossip about it?

You literally can’t stop anything happening between your DH and this woman, or any woman for that. The only person who can do that is your DH.

If you think your DH may be unfaithful, then you have a DH problem, not a problem with a(ny) random woman.

I think I've tried to answer all the questions. No, I don't think he would cheat with her. No, I'm not insecure. Yes, her behaviour has bothered me. The first time we met her she gave vibes that she had met him before and she wasn't interested in me. Of course it's possible she didn't like my vibes although I didn't think I was giving off bad vibes. I don't think it's possible he had met her before and forgotten.
Being generous, it is possible she is mistaken about who I am. Perhaps she's picked up misinformation about our relationship via other dog-walkers. This has happened before about our dog because there is the same type of dog nearby and sometimes they get confused. I'm not sure about the relationship status of the other owners.
I suppose bottom line is I haven't encountered this behaviour before so am struggling to understand it and so I get a bit jittery when I see her but I am probably overthinking.

Hi OP,

Personally I'd just go for the simplest option - next time you're with DH and you bump into her, say "Hiya, I'm jogon and this is my husband Brian*, what's your name?" Then you can have one of those conversations about how we all know each others' dogs' names but not the owner's name, etc etc. Job done.

*Might not be his actual name.

That is a brilliant idea @CarrieMoonbeams xx

I don’t want to be mean OP but this is an insecurity issue.
Break it down:
What did she say to make you think she was acting like she knew him from before?
Was it something she did?
Are you worried that she does already know him?
Maybe she does already know him - she might work in a shop or his favourite strip club..
Maybe he was more talkative with her and you weren’t because you thought she was acting a certain way.
Can you say what she actually did not what it seemed like?
Was she flirtatious?
Id find that hard to believe..
You do know what bothers you about him though you are probably not going to say what it is. Gut instinct can be right but there’s no point in pretending to a bunch of internet strangers that you don’t know why you are bothered by her.
She might be just the sort of person who talk to anyone who will talk back.
Or she’s death masquerading as a woman…
Spit it out - what did she actually do?

Things that have been said to you that you haven’t engaged with (some of this is from me, some from others):

• Why do you care if she fancies your DH? What are you anxious about, specifically? And why does someone possibly fancying him mean that you need to be present - what is it you’re worried will happen if you’re not?

• A woman who occasionally sees your husband fancying him isn’t a ‘situation’ to sort out. Unless you genuinely believe that your DH is up for shagging any woman who will give him the time of day (in which case, your relationship is the issue), what exactly is the problem? You haven’t said.

• If you’re uncomfortable with something, then talk to your husband. I’m not sure why that’s not the first thing you would do, as opposed to seeking ways to stake your claim in front of a stranger. Tell him how you’re feeling, admit it’s irrational (because it is) and have a chat about it.

• The only person who could make it “out of hand” is your DH if he decided to strike up an affair with her. If you trust him, there shouldn’t be a problem. You can’t stop people fancying him.

Jeez this is a bit of a mad one.

i don’t get why on earth it should matter even if she does fancy your DH? Surely it’s HIS actions and behaviours that matter? You say he won’t cheat so what else matters? How are you going to monitor every woman he comes into contact with? What about if he’s down Tesco doing a shop on his own, how are you gonna know the cashier doesn’t fancy him? It’s ridiculous.

you can’t stop her fancying him and any advances she may make - that’s down to your DH to put a stop to that and make it clear he is married and not interested but that’s even IF it happens?!

Why do you care?