How to relate to a woman who I think fancies DH

[jogonupthathill]

I know people might say don't stress it but I'm starting to get a bit anxious about how to relate to this woman.
Long story short, a woman who walks her dog at the same time we walk our dog.
I believe she's worked out the days DH walks the dog alone as she's always in the same vicinity at the same time when DH is alone, but never see her now when we are walking the dog together.
I think my problem started the first time I saw her she seemed over-familiar towards DH, like they had met before. They hadn't. I could tell from what he said to her about our dog.
From observing the way she is, I basically think she fancies him (sorry, not a stealth boast).
I've been thinking about arranging it so that I'm with him on a day he normally does the walk alone but how should I relate to her?

*there

I think I can tell the difference between friendliness and more. If she was naturally friendly, then she would be friendly towards me as well. She's not the same with me.

Maybe you don't come across as someone to be friendly towards. You certainly don't sound like it.

If my DP started being offish to someone I spoke to on the dog walk I'd be more inclined to go without him to avoid the awkward rudeness.

Just behave exactly like normal.

Are you the poster who thought she shouldn't have walked a certain route with him because she was a lone woman?

“I'm definitely not jealous or insecure”. Your post reads as if you are insecure. Have a think what it is about this situation that is maybe making you feel this way. Is it that she speaks to him not you? Don’t focus on her, (you don’t know her intentions) focus on why you are feeling and reacting this way.

You come across as deeply insecure and the whole Chinese whispers and it could get out of hand is just bewildering. Op you can’t go through life trying to judge if any woman fancies him and panicking like this.

either you trust him or not.

Op did you post about this before? This woman has a partner and you walked with him while she spoke to yours and you went into a whole jealous spiral. I am sure it’s you.

No, definitely not me. I've only ever seen this woman walking alone, although she does have a partner because DH mentioned it to me.

I have focused on why I'm feeling this way. That is why I tried to explain it further up in the thread.
There's something different about this situation than any other dog-walking situation before. Bearing in mind we've been married years, and have met many dogs and their walkers, I've tried to critically analyse why I am feeling like this about this particular one.
I think it is because I believe she must have got the wrong end of the stick about our relationship. She seems to act like he's available. It's just plain odd.
I genuinely do not think I'm being insecure, jealous, unreasonable, although I have questioned the rationality of the situation. Am I being rational? I think I am in regards to questioning why it has made me feel this way. But there might be an explanation I haven't considered. She might genuinely believe he is available.
I do not think he would cheat on me with her. But I am slightly concerned about her behaviour.

I'm not that poster @girlmom21 .
I think you are right and I shall try to act just like normal.

If she also has a partner, I would think you're being irrational.

Maybe you're unconsciously giving off 'unfriendly' vibes and she's responding to that?

If you're worried, suggest you chat to your DH. In a similar situation my partner would just make a mental note to be polite but not overly friendly to her. And as PP have said, just act normally. Try not to over think it either - if your DH is a decent guy you have nothing to worry about. She can fancy him all she likes, if that's the case, but it's not an issue if he doesn't reciprocate.

Try chatting to her and see what that's like.

I do not think he would cheat on me with her. But I am slightly concerned about her behaviour.

why if you trust him? I’m going to guess you perceive her as attractive so you feel threatened. Op if he’s going to cheat you following him around and being weird with women isn’t going to stop him.

You sound absolutely paranoid and very, very insecure. I don't see how you can trust your husband if you are this worked up about a woman who may or may not fancy him.

If you feel that the only way your H stays faithful is by you physically guarding him - I’d divorce now.

I was the 'OW' recently in a similar scenario. The husband, me and a bunch of others are volunteers, the wife not. The wife came and watched everything he did, including lifting the flap of a gazebo containing six people to ensure he wasn't canoodling anyone inside. I tried to chat with both of them together; and I introduced myself to her alone. She was very unfriendly. If only she knew I a) regard married men as having nothing to offer me; b) regard her husband as an imbecile.
But whatever. Presumably these husbands cannot be trusted.

I don't feel threatened in the sense of I think she's better than me or that he might cheat. I don't think she's attractive, just looks like a nice woman.
I am anxious about her behaviour, and her change in behaviour in timing her walks on the days I'm not there and being near the house on the days I'm not there. I drive a distinctive car so I think she has noticed my routine.
I know this sounds like I am insecure but I'm not.
It's all very well saying there isn't a problem if DH won't act on it, but her proximity just makes me anxious, I can't help that.
If it happens again next week, I'll talk to him about it.

I’d just be polite and friendly to her (I’d actually probably be quite amused by the whole thing) and if I thought DH was tempted to cheat I’d remind him that he’s married. If he was going to cheat he’d do it anyway, regardless of how I ‘related’ to her, and much as I love him, I would survive just fine.

I was wondering similar, maybe when she sees you walking the dog, for what ever reason she does have the vibe to stop and chat. Also she might have. Partner at home too..,, and if not and she thinks your husband is cute and likes a wee chat, I wouldn't worry about it, unless you think your husband will cheat. Just go out walking together sometime, hopefully you'll all bump in to each other, have a chat and that'll be it.

I don’t think you’re really reading and taking on the replies. You’ve spiralled so far down with anxiety, paranoia and insecurity it’s like she’s now an obsession and you’re tunnel visioned..

there is clearly more going on, no one suddenly behaves as you are, which makes me think you’ve a history of jealous/insecure/controlling/paranoid behaviour amd are not revealing it.

Someone asked my DH back to hers after a work drinks do when we were dating without realising I had come up behind them. I honestly didn't give it much further thought because I trust him and that's really all there is to it isn't it?

So what if she fancies your husband? What if she has timed her walks to see him alone, starts wearing more makeup and doing her hair, so what if she turned up wearing thigh length leather boots and a clingy dress? She could well start to do all those things and it's on your husband to have boundaries and decline any suggestion to "stop and get a coffee together" or whatever. As long as you trust your husband to be respectful and faithful you do not have a problem.

Unless you don't trust your DH this is a complete non-issue.

My friend that I'm off to visit in a moment, openly gawped at my DH and said, "wow! Is that your husband? He's rather nice isn't he?!" the first time she saw him. I just laughed (and felt rather proud, ridiculously I know, before anyone says it!).

I can understand why this is disconcerting

• I'm shocked at how rude some posters are on here. You've said that you believe he would make clear he's married, you obviously do trust him but sometimes someone crosses our paths and our sixth sense is triggered. I would trust your sixth sense you are probably right about this woman.

If you make sure you walk with him when he's usually alone, and she's around then your probably right and she's planned it that way. Be confident and make it clear you're married or together if you can.

Then you'll need to talk to him, tell him your suspicions about her, tell him for some reason this woman has bothered you. Hopefully he will be receptive, reassure you and have a laugh with you about it.

Hmm, I would be worried too, OP. She seems over familiar for no explainable reason and has changed her behavior so that she gets to see him alone. You think she has noticed yours and his routine. She is close by when you see her. She does not make eye contact with you and is not friendly to you but is to him. Reminds me of Joe Beck. Could be borderline stalking.

What does your DH think about it?
Why doesn’t he change the times he walks the dog alone?Cant he make it clear he is married?