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Original poster

OLD: he asked for bull body pic

87 replies

lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:40

Hi Mumsnet, here is another online dating question...

I have been messaging a nice looking guy for a couple of weeks and we are talking about meeting up. The other night, when we were chatting on WhatsApp, we got into sharing more photographs of each other. It was good to see more of him and I sent him a few shots of myself. He got a bit flirty and we were joking lots anyway and he then asked for 'skin tight clothing body shot'. I was taken aback! He then joked about how he can't find the photo of him topless on a paddle board. We carried on joking.

Thoughts? I felt a bit ick. Otherwise he has been respectful and I have had fun chatting to him.

OP posts:
StrikeandRobin · 02/09/2022 21:41

That would put me right off tbh.

DatingDinosaur · 02/09/2022 21:42

Respect the ick.

He's only after a shag.

essex956 · 02/09/2022 21:43

I think he's probably worried about you being larger in real life than what he's already my been able to determine than what he's shared so far.

Depends how much of a red flag that is for you OP

Think if it was a sleazy thing he'd have asked for nudes

SpinningFloppa · 02/09/2022 21:44

He’s checking you are not fat, sorry but it is a thing where people hide how big they are by only showing face pics, sounds like he’s had it happen to him before

Smilingwithfangs · 02/09/2022 21:46

Size check
Not nice and suggests physical/sex/looks are of prime important to him.

would be a red flag to me but you do you

Original poster
lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:47

Makes sense, he did say that he was traumatised by his first ever date, who turned out to be at least 10 years older than she was. I'm not slim, I am curly and a little wobbly. My ex was awful about my body, so I am self conscious. Wonder if I should skip this date. I don't need another man disappointed with my (very normal) body.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:47

It's just how he asked for skin tight clothing that put me off...

OP posts:
Original poster
lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:48

*curvy

OP posts:
Anon778833 · 02/09/2022 21:50

I would skip it. How entitled to demand such a thing.

Googlecanthelpme · 02/09/2022 21:50

Depends.
when me and my DH were first messaging on Tinder we had some really random, weird and probably quite dark (humour wise) conversations. I could totally see me saying something like “right I’ll need a full body shot of you in a mankini” in the middle of a flirty banter conversation.
so it depends, if it flowed naturally in the context of the conversation and he hasn’t harped on about it or isn’t making lots of references to your body or innuendo etc then I might overlook it as an attempt at banter.
messaging is hard, things you think are funny or witty or flirty come out totally wrong and just sounds stupid when you read them back.

if you like him and he’s not shown any other red flags then it could be forgiven but if it’s part of a constant stream of innuendo then I couldn’t be bothered with that.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 02/09/2022 21:51

Oh God, I would skip that date. How dare he judge you before he's even met you?

QueSyrahSyrah · 02/09/2022 21:53

Only you can say if he was joking or not in the context of the conversation. I might have laughed and asked for a picture of him in a morph suit or something, see how he took it from there.

stopitleaveitgetdown · 02/09/2022 21:53

Oh gosh. I hate when it's going so well and they say some shit like that 👎🏽

Nomorefuckstogive · 02/09/2022 21:56

Sounds as though he was joking. Not funny, admittedly. I’d give him one more chance TBH.

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 21:56

Yeah I’m not sure, my male friend who is on line dating says he’s met loads of women who post images of ten years ago, heavy filtered and quire a few stones lighter; personally I think it’s better to be honest about what you look like up front and let him make a decision rather than try to hide it when he will see you on the first date. It’s wasting everyone’s time. I’m sure you look lovely so just be honest;

Original poster
lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:56

QueSyrahSyrah I did, I laughed and asked for a photo of him in tight clothing - and his reply was 'g-string on or off' which actually made me laugh! Then he said he couldn't find the ones of him doing sports without his top on. I explained I was only interested in his face and personality, and he jokingly responded 'face?? face?? how shallow! using me for my face!' I also found that amusing 😂He didn't push it after then...I sent a body pic of me in my gym gear. Not revealing or anything.

But it's made me wonder....

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 02/09/2022 22:02

My sisters a size 10 and when she was old she use to laugh at how many men complimented her for actually being slim and having full length body pictures up so I think a lot of men have experienced someone hiding how big they are (and I say this as a larger woman myself) I definitely think he just wants to see what you look like

stillvicarinatutu · 02/09/2022 22:02

Go on the date - you aren't committed to anything but you can't tell from a WhatsApp conversation.
See what he's like in real life and take it from there !

essex956 · 02/09/2022 22:03

Tbh I don't see why judging someone by their body is that different to judging them by their face.

Surely if you don't want someone shallow that's hung up on looks/bodies it's a bit cheeky to judge them in their facial appearance

I'd actually go as far as saying judging someone on their looks is harsher/more shallow as at least we all have a degree of control over our bodies

QueSyrahSyrah · 02/09/2022 22:03

Well it that context it doesn't sound like a dealbreaker to me, unless he keeps circling back to it and pushing the matter.

I went around the OLD carousel a lot before I met DH (online! There is hope Smile) and sometimes I've had awkward / weird conversations with people who've turned out to be great in real life, and vice versa of course.

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 22:06

lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:56

QueSyrahSyrah I did, I laughed and asked for a photo of him in tight clothing - and his reply was 'g-string on or off' which actually made me laugh! Then he said he couldn't find the ones of him doing sports without his top on. I explained I was only interested in his face and personality, and he jokingly responded 'face?? face?? how shallow! using me for my face!' I also found that amusing 😂He didn't push it after then...I sent a body pic of me in my gym gear. Not revealing or anything.

But it's made me wonder....

Honestly I think It’s ok. As a pp said. I think a lot of women, and men, try to hide what they Really look like, which is the most pointless thing ever. As if you meet them they will see you and it’s unlikely your scintillating personality is going to compensate on a first meeting. Men do it too. Lie about their age and post old pics. It’s crazy.

LemonDrop22 · 02/09/2022 22:12

my male friend who is on line dating says he’s met loads of women who post images of ten years ago, heavy filtered and quire a few stones lighter.

That goes both ways, you can assure him.

Silvercurtains · 02/09/2022 22:14

He’s asked you to do something that made you uncomfortable but you still sent him a full body photo of you in your gym wear. He wasn’t ‘traumatised’ by going on a date with someone who was older than she initially made out. I understand that people sometimes try to avoid being completely open about things they’re insecure about when first talking online which can be frustrating but it’s not an excuse to be unkind. What you don’t do is ask the other person to prove themselve worthy of your face to face time by sending you photo of their body. Be wary of this guy. There’s a good chance he’s going to end up like your ex and make you feel bad about your body.

GinnyJelly · 02/09/2022 22:17

Asking for a full length body shot is fine, people (of both sexes) might not be truthful about their size. But the fact that he asked for you in skin tight clothes is not ok in my book. He sounds grim.

DatingDinosaur · 02/09/2022 22:20

“I was taken aback!”
“I felt a bit ick”

These feelings are all that matters @lovecocopop

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