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Original poster

OLD: he asked for bull body pic

87 replies

lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:40

Hi Mumsnet, here is another online dating question...

I have been messaging a nice looking guy for a couple of weeks and we are talking about meeting up. The other night, when we were chatting on WhatsApp, we got into sharing more photographs of each other. It was good to see more of him and I sent him a few shots of myself. He got a bit flirty and we were joking lots anyway and he then asked for 'skin tight clothing body shot'. I was taken aback! He then joked about how he can't find the photo of him topless on a paddle board. We carried on joking.

Thoughts? I felt a bit ick. Otherwise he has been respectful and I have had fun chatting to him.

OP posts:
Iliveonahill · 02/09/2022 22:30

I was on OLD for a while. Men lie about their height. I got fed up meeting men who had lied. So I started asking them to confirm their height before I went on a date. It was the lying that irritated me.

Original poster
lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 22:36

Men lie about their age as well. The number of profiles I see of 50-70 year old men, claiming to be 30-40 is grim

OP posts:
Cas112 · 02/09/2022 23:32

It's defo to see if your fat

forgotoldusername · 03/09/2022 04:29

That's why I always put two full photos of me on my dating profile (not in tight clothes I hasten to add). I am a size 8 and want someone not large. Why is this shallow? I work out, watch what I eat and really really care about being slim. I want someone who's the same. Conversely, I don't particularly care about height.

OP, I think you should go on the date and see with this one. These are preferences and there's nothing bad in wanting someone matching your physical preferences

Kenny69 · 03/09/2022 06:53

Cas112 · 02/09/2022 23:32

It's defo to see if your fat

Yep,

Redqueenheart · 03/09/2022 07:02

It would make me uncomfortable and I would not meet him.

I assume you have more than enough pictures on your dating profile and that it how you chose to represent yourself. You should not feel pushed into sending more images.

He sounds like he is a bit too obsessed about appearances and the ''skin tight'' thing was creepy.

KatherineJaneway · 03/09/2022 07:10

It is to check what size you are. We all use flattering pictures of ourselves and he wants to check that the pics you have sent are representative of how you currently look. Size matters to some people.

dammit88 · 03/09/2022 07:12

I think it was an attempt at being flirty in the context you have described and if he makes you laugh which he seems to id give him a chance (funny is important to me!)

forgotoldusername · 03/09/2022 07:13

@Redqueenheart many people only put face photos online and not full body. I used to think that was because they were fat. I honestly think it's disingenuous and that's probably why he asked for full body pics.

OP, do you have full body photos on your profile?

Christmasiscominghohoho · 03/09/2022 07:37

He wants to see how fat/thin you are.

Shellingbynight · 03/09/2022 07:52

It sounds fine to me in the context of the conversation you were having. I agree it's a size check and that seems fair enough to me, no different to a height or age check. If you get a generally good vibe from him, meet him and take it from there.

JoanCandy · 03/09/2022 09:06

Shellingbynight · 03/09/2022 07:52

It sounds fine to me in the context of the conversation you were having. I agree it's a size check and that seems fair enough to me, no different to a height or age check. If you get a generally good vibe from him, meet him and take it from there.

I agree with this response and I think it’s ok to check out someone’s ‘look’, if you like. It doesn’t mean he’s obsessed by body size / shape or shallow because he may prefer a particular body type.

Dogtooth · 03/09/2022 09:32

@forgotoldusername it's shallow because you're writing people off based on their weight.

The 'I watch what I eat' comment makes it sound like you think all fat people are lazy and stupid. Say if you had to take medication that made you put on a few stone, would you feel differently?

Sanpellogrino99 · 03/09/2022 09:37

Avoid
Entitled perverted behaviour

LampLighter414 · 03/09/2022 09:52

I think it’s a reasonable ask to see a full body pic. Lots of people have photos cropped in to face only or selfies only showing edges of shoulders, neck and head. Reality is many men and women would happily dismiss someone if they look too overweight for their liking in photos, it’s just preference.

LampLighter414 · 03/09/2022 09:55

People who think it unreasonable I imagine mostly have their own self esteem issues and do not want to show a full body photo. The thing is, it’s a vicious cycle - if you don’t include full body on profile you’ll find you get matches/conversations and when you do later show a full body photo or meet in person they may be uninterested, you feel let down and it knocks your confidence further. If you do include it in the first place then at least you anyone matching you and actively chatting to you knows what you look like and is fine with it! And less likely to let you down or ghost further down the line when they have met you or seen you on video call or whatever.

Wouldloveanother · 03/09/2022 09:57

SpinningFloppa · 02/09/2022 21:44

He’s checking you are not fat, sorry but it is a thing where people hide how big they are by only showing face pics, sounds like he’s had it happen to him before

This.

I don’t think a full length photo is a big ask, the skin tight clothing request is a bit 🤢 but he is checking he would be attracted to your figure and it’s worth the effort of a face to face date.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/09/2022 10:02

In the context of the chat it sounds fine to me but yeah, lots of people put only head shots, pictures from years ago etc also heavily filtered pics if my friends are anything to go by

I'd go and see what you think. It's just one date and he makes you laugh 🤷‍♀️

VintageVest · 03/09/2022 10:02

It's the skin tight clothing part that's a bit pervy. I'd be put off too, unless you had got to that point where you are having a bit of saucy banter and it's clear he is just being cheeky as part of that. From the feeling it gave you, it was quite a misplaced commen.

It is reasonable to want to know what someone looks like before you go to the trouble of arranging a meet up though. Maybe adding a couple of recent full body shots to your profile would be a good idea.

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 03/09/2022 10:11

I think it’s fine. He’s not asking for nudes. He’s obviously attracted to a certain body size. I’d rather be sure I’m physically attracted to a person before going an a date wouldn’t you?

forgotoldusername · 03/09/2022 10:13

@Dogtooth I don't care how fat or slim people in general are. I know it would never ever ever work for me. I am very active and being slim in my 50s is not easy but yes I exercise every single day, even when I had covid and felt under the weather I did my daily exercise routine. Do I associate being fat with eating too much or being lazy? I honestly do but 95% of the time that's the case. So I would have not swiped right on someone without full body photos because I would assume they are fat. To me,being athletic and slim reflects many things not only wanting to look good but a general frame of mind of strength and persistence. Sorry I know this can't be said but this is the truth for me. I am sorry if it doesn't work for you, but I'm slim and the man I met online is athletic (not a body builder as I don't like that either)

Iliveonahill · 03/09/2022 11:52

In the old days we would meet potential partners in a pub or at work. We would size them up, smile, chat and if we physically liked what we saw we would go on a date.

that generally doesn’t happen now and we have OLD. Of course it’s reasonable to ask for a full size recent photo. Otherwise we are wasting both of our times if we do not find them attractive. With dating, we can be as choosy, fussy, size ist, height ist and ageist as we want. I’ve seen profiles from men that state they only like big boobs. That’s not my type of man and I wouldn’t engage with them but he has as much right to say that as I have to say no short men. In this case the bloke is interested inbody shape. That’s fine. I think he made a joke of it but ultimately it’s his choice to ask and your choice to respond or engage.

unless you have done OLD you really have no idea what it is like. It’s like going into a shop and picking items off a shelf based on if you like the look of them or not. But is it any worse than clubs and pubs in the 80s and 90s when groups of men would rank you as you walked past?

lowmoodadvice · 03/09/2022 14:42

Whooaaa! He has sent me a few more pics of himself, and he has slided one in there that clearly reflects what he looks like now, rather than 10-15 years ago! He is super, super wrinky, and looks considerably older. It looks like I have been played!

Hopeandlove · 03/09/2022 14:48

Any I know that do this get this in response and then block.

OLD: he asked for bull body pic
CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 03/09/2022 14:54

Your description of the fuller conversation makes me think I'd give the benefit of the doubt, sounds vibe appropriate for the tone of the chat. And it's text, so easy to misjudge.
Your reaction could be because it triggered a response which your ex 's behaviour justified but is actually not relevant to this guy.
So for me it would be keep my wits about me but don't write him off yet.