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Original poster

OLD: he asked for bull body pic

87 replies

lovecocopop · 02/09/2022 21:40

Hi Mumsnet, here is another online dating question...

I have been messaging a nice looking guy for a couple of weeks and we are talking about meeting up. The other night, when we were chatting on WhatsApp, we got into sharing more photographs of each other. It was good to see more of him and I sent him a few shots of myself. He got a bit flirty and we were joking lots anyway and he then asked for 'skin tight clothing body shot'. I was taken aback! He then joked about how he can't find the photo of him topless on a paddle board. We carried on joking.

Thoughts? I felt a bit ick. Otherwise he has been respectful and I have had fun chatting to him.

OP posts:
Annabananna1 · 03/09/2022 14:55

I'd want to see a blokes figure before arranging a date. A recent full length pic seems reasonable.

lowmoodadvice · 03/09/2022 14:56

Annabananna1 do you ask for it him to be tight clothed in the photo?

TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz · 03/09/2022 15:11

Shellingbynight · 03/09/2022 07:52

It sounds fine to me in the context of the conversation you were having. I agree it's a size check and that seems fair enough to me, no different to a height or age check. If you get a generally good vibe from him, meet him and take it from there.

Totally agree.

And there’s so much deception in OLD that people are understandably cautious about having all the facts.

lowmoodadvice · 03/09/2022 15:19

TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz yes his latest photo shows deception on his side!

TheFlyingFox · 03/09/2022 15:24

LampLighter414 · 03/09/2022 09:55

People who think it unreasonable I imagine mostly have their own self esteem issues and do not want to show a full body photo. The thing is, it’s a vicious cycle - if you don’t include full body on profile you’ll find you get matches/conversations and when you do later show a full body photo or meet in person they may be uninterested, you feel let down and it knocks your confidence further. If you do include it in the first place then at least you anyone matching you and actively chatting to you knows what you look like and is fine with it! And less likely to let you down or ghost further down the line when they have met you or seen you on video call or whatever.

You think wrong then. I'm a competitive athlete - I run the 800m and 1500m, and I wouldn't send a "skin tight clothing body shot" to a stranger online. Mainly because its often the slippery slope to asking for nudes. And if you need it explained to you why thats a bad idea, then theres no help for you. I would expect anyone I was talking to online to be able to work out for themselves that someone with my sporting hobbies wouldn't be too overweight for them.

Gosh, how fussy are these very ordinary men? Do they turn down a woman because she is a slim size 12 but not a 10? Imagine if women were fussy, because to be honest, most men are out of shape when you compare them against competitive athletes, even the ones who "go down the gym" - mainly because their legs never do any work other than posing in front of the mirror.

Even so, I can see the point in asking for a full body shot, but the "skin tight clothing" bit is just a little too coercive. Its not classy either. Some of us don't possess skin tight clothing other than sports gear, so thats a whole odd little imaginary world he is living in there that seems to revolve around a certain taste for very specific clothing.

I'd tell him to get lost.

1994girl · 03/09/2022 15:30

Bin him off, red flags right there.

holidaynightmare · 03/09/2022 16:01

My friend is a size 22-24 and is on various OLD sites and from her head shots you cannot tell and she's had about 5/6 dates and people haven't wanted to see her again and some guy asked for a full length photo and the same once they'd seen the photo

As I said to her some people want a curvier girl some want a stick

mathanxiety · 03/09/2022 16:12

YYY @Sanpellogrino99

Entitled and perverted with bells on.

When men get to a certain age and still think the women who will be interested in them should be slim it tells you all you need to know about them.

They have notions about themselves.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2022 16:14

@TheFlyingFox EXCELLENT POST.

mistermagpie · 03/09/2022 16:36

It's the skin tight clothing bit that makes me cringe. Also, in fairness, the thing about him 'paddle boarding with his top off' would make me roll my eyes.

I do think it's fine to ask for a full length photo I guess, although I would never actually do it personally because frankly it's a bit rude. Then again I'm old fashioned and actually think personality is the most important thing.

IheartJKRowling · 03/09/2022 16:37

holidaynightmare · 03/09/2022 16:01

My friend is a size 22-24 and is on various OLD sites and from her head shots you cannot tell and she's had about 5/6 dates and people haven't wanted to see her again and some guy asked for a full length photo and the same once they'd seen the photo

As I said to her some people want a curvier girl some want a stick

My friend is exactly the same right down to the size and she can't understand when men don't want a second date. She lying by omission about her size but lots of men like curvier women and if she was honest she could be meeting men who are attracted to a curvy woman.

I think he's checking to see if he thinks your size/shape is one he finds attractive. I don't think it's red flag for someone to want to see more than your face before they meet you. If you don't like how he asked tell him that. The point of OLD is to find someone you fancy.

I always included a full length pic and an untouched one without any make up on when I was OLD otherwise you end up in a situation like one of those estate agent photos where the house looks lovely from one angle but when you turn up to view there's a 100ft giant electricity pylon in the garden that wasn't mentioned in the advert 🙄

LimboLass · 03/09/2022 16:57

Perhaps he only finds slim women attractive.

LampLighter414 · 03/09/2022 17:01

holidaynightmare · 03/09/2022 16:01

My friend is a size 22-24 and is on various OLD sites and from her head shots you cannot tell and she's had about 5/6 dates and people haven't wanted to see her again and some guy asked for a full length photo and the same once they'd seen the photo

As I said to her some people want a curvier girl some want a stick

Yep I think she’d be better off putting a clear fully body photo on her profile because then at least anyone she talks she will know doesn’t mind and won’t scarper once they see another pic or use lack of attraction (if any are blunt/tactless enough to not give a nicer excuse) as a reason not to have a 2nd date.

LampLighter414 · 03/09/2022 17:03

TheFlyingFox · 03/09/2022 15:24

You think wrong then. I'm a competitive athlete - I run the 800m and 1500m, and I wouldn't send a "skin tight clothing body shot" to a stranger online. Mainly because its often the slippery slope to asking for nudes. And if you need it explained to you why thats a bad idea, then theres no help for you. I would expect anyone I was talking to online to be able to work out for themselves that someone with my sporting hobbies wouldn't be too overweight for them.

Gosh, how fussy are these very ordinary men? Do they turn down a woman because she is a slim size 12 but not a 10? Imagine if women were fussy, because to be honest, most men are out of shape when you compare them against competitive athletes, even the ones who "go down the gym" - mainly because their legs never do any work other than posing in front of the mirror.

Even so, I can see the point in asking for a full body shot, but the "skin tight clothing" bit is just a little too coercive. Its not classy either. Some of us don't possess skin tight clothing other than sports gear, so thats a whole odd little imaginary world he is living in there that seems to revolve around a certain taste for very specific clothing.

I'd tell him to get lost.

Show quote history

Fair enough about the skin tight part which I never addressed in my original post. But some commenters here find the suggestion of a full body pic in general wrong.

TheFlyingFox · 03/09/2022 17:04

LampLighter414 · 03/09/2022 17:01

Yep I think she’d be better off putting a clear fully body photo on her profile because then at least anyone she talks she will know doesn’t mind and won’t scarper once they see another pic or use lack of attraction (if any are blunt/tactless enough to not give a nicer excuse) as a reason not to have a 2nd date.

Show quote history

I doubt it would still be good enough for this man. He wants a "skin tight clothing" photo, not just a full length one. He is oddly specific, and thats very rude for someone you have never met. No-one needs "skin-tight clothing" to determine whether another person is slim or not. What it will show is whether anyone carries any excess weight, even a pound or so on their stomach or thighs or not or is naturally a slim ectomorph.

It sounds more like a porn audition than a potential date, and if you accede to this oddly controlling demand, then you will no doubt be letting yourself in for more oddly controlling demands.

I'm really surprised that so many people see nothing wrong with the "skin tight clothing" request from a complete stranger.

TheFlyingFox · 03/09/2022 17:05

Cross posted simulatenously LampLighter!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/09/2022 17:30

I'm confused now , @lowmoodadvice are you the op with a different name?

TheLighthouse23 · 03/09/2022 17:37

Its a bit of a creep thing to say, but my guess is that he probably is just worried you are a bit porky and might have covered it up with loose clothing in the pics.
So he's trying to make sure you have a nice body before he meets and wastes both your time if you were overweight.
I don't think he's asking because he is after a free sexy photo.. hes probably trying not to seem rude by asking straight out if you're overweight. I would send a fully dressed but tight fitting outfit photo

SwissRole123 · 03/09/2022 17:42

For the love of Christ, a decent respectful man does not behave like this. How can you not see this for yourself? If a man asks for a naughty pic and he's been your decent husband for a decade fine click away. If he's some random you haven't even met he's a WRONGUN through and through.

Musti · 03/09/2022 17:43

I immediately ditched men who asked me that. There is a gamble that I may not look like my picture (even though I did and I wasn’t overweight) but so what. If you’re enjoying chatting to each other who cares? I don’t want to date anyone so shallow.

Kenny69 · 03/09/2022 17:44

I would expect anyone I was talking to online to be able to work out for themselves that someone with my sporting hobbies wouldn't be too overweight for them.

This is a slightly pointless statement if the OP has not stated they are a competitive athlete, if the OP might just state hobbies as going to the theatre or something like that,

mistermagpie · 03/09/2022 17:44

TheLighthouse23 · 03/09/2022 17:37

Its a bit of a creep thing to say, but my guess is that he probably is just worried you are a bit porky and might have covered it up with loose clothing in the pics.
So he's trying to make sure you have a nice body before he meets and wastes both your time if you were overweight.
I don't think he's asking because he is after a free sexy photo.. hes probably trying not to seem rude by asking straight out if you're overweight. I would send a fully dressed but tight fitting outfit photo

But honestly, any amount of fatness that can be covered up in loose clothing can't be very much. How skinny do people need to be that 'skin tight clothing' is required for inspection?

TheLighthouse23 · 03/09/2022 17:49

essex956 · 02/09/2022 22:03

Tbh I don't see why judging someone by their body is that different to judging them by their face.

Surely if you don't want someone shallow that's hung up on looks/bodies it's a bit cheeky to judge them in their facial appearance

I'd actually go as far as saying judging someone on their looks is harsher/more shallow as at least we all have a degree of control over our bodies

Its not is it?? I was surprised OP thinks he's shallow for not wanting a fat bird but she is only interested in his personality... And FACE!

Both are physical appearances. I think it's more shallow to be concerned with someone's face (which they cannot change) than wanting a slim partner (which can be controlled by exercise and healthy eating)

I think it's perfectly reasonable to want a slim attractive partner. Of course personality is important but I think the saying is true: The 2 rules of dating are 1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive. 😂

Cruisebabe1 · 03/09/2022 18:05

DatingDinosaur · 02/09/2022 21:42

Respect the ick.

He's only after a shag.

This

Silvercurtains · 03/09/2022 21:00

So he’s asked you for a skin tight full length photo to check how overweight you are and he’s using old photos where he looks very different and just slipped in one where he’s older and wrinkly? I think you need to get rid of this one. He’s not a nice guy. Are you still going to meet up with him?