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Relationships

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Original poster

Do I go to wedding with new boyfriend (ex will be there )?

78 replies

reidemay · 28/08/2022 09:57

Two years ago was probably the worst time of my life.
I was getting messed around by my ex (lied to ,mentally abused ) etc who had plenty of narcissistic traits..he treated me awful and dumped me a week after my mum died.
He didn't text me morning of funeral and when I messaged him he read and ignored.
I was at the lowest and needed therapy to deal with everything.
He left me a shell of who I was
Fast forward two years I'm in a happy relationship with the loveliest man ,we live together and have spoke about marriage and kids.
Basically to quote lizzo "I'm not the girl I was or used to be " ha ha (cheesy )

Next Sunday is a mutual friends wedding
He will be there
Do I go with my new partner ? And show he didn't break me?

OP posts:

happymumofthree3 · 28/08/2022 09:59

@reidemay you go with your new partner because he is your partner, not to show anything. Hoping its a slap in the face for your ex will just leave you disappointed

akissbeforebed · 28/08/2022 09:59

If your new partner has been invited then yes, go with him.

Dotcheck · 28/08/2022 10:00

Go only if you really want to go. If you still feel vulnerable about him ( which wanting to ‘show him’ would imply) then just don’t put yourself through it.
Alternatively- perhaps only go for part of it?

Cosycover · 28/08/2022 10:02

You shouldn't even be thinking about him that way surely?

You're invited so you go. Why does it need to be a slap on the face?

GreyCarpet · 28/08/2022 10:06

What they all said.

Surely, you take your new partner, if invited, and its irrelevant what your ex things of it.

Don't take your partner as a slap in the face to your ex. It won't work akd it's a sbirty thing to do to your new person.

girlmom21 · 28/08/2022 10:06

Would you be taking your partner if your ex wasn't there?

Your reasoning doesn't sound like you're ready to be planning your life with a new man tbh.

Dery · 28/08/2022 10:10

Agree with PP - your ex should be utterly irrelevant to your calculations here.

Dery · 28/08/2022 10:12

Posted too soon: it sounds like you regard the wedding as some kind of performative opportunity in relation to your ex. But why give him the satisfaction of affecting your choices/behaviour at all? You’re very happy with your current partner. Your ex is an irrelevance.

Valhalla17 · 28/08/2022 10:13

Ex would not even register, especially when he was an arse. Go, take your dp and enjoy yourself. Ex has nowt to do with it!

MrsWooster · 28/08/2022 10:13

Try and disengage from him….
You’re still tangled in his web- try and find a place where he is nothing to you, where you make decisions based on what you and you bf want and need.

GreenManalishi · 28/08/2022 10:15

You go to the wedding with your new partner if you've both been invited and both want to go. Your ex shouldnt be part of the decision making process.

To take your partner along as an "I'll show you" is just not going to end well, and if he gets wind that he being used in this way as some sort of ammunition, he would have every right to be furious. Gently, I suggest that you're not as over the ex as you thought.

SuperSange · 28/08/2022 10:19

It's a bit of an immature way to be thinking about it; I'm sure your current partner would love that you're more worried about pissing your ex off than spending a nice celebration with him.

blockpavingismynightmare · 28/08/2022 10:19

The fact the he has been invited is a clear indication the bride and groom either do not know what he was like to you or they don't care.
I would stay away as this will spoil what you have with your new guy as you are clearly not over the other one

Original poster

reidemay · 28/08/2022 10:19

I'm totally in love with my boyfriend.
My ex literally means nothing to me...I know hate is a strong word but that's how I feel.
He made my self respect turn to nothing and I just want to show that I'm okay now and he didn't ruin me.

OP posts:

Lindy2 · 28/08/2022 10:20

Of course you go with your partner. Not to prove anything to your ex but because he's your partner.

Your ex sounds awful. You should be relieved he's no longer part of your life. Keep it that way and ignore him at the wedding. I'm sure there will be other friends to mix with.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2022 10:33

Is he invited? Does he want to go? Are the couple expecting both of you?

Hate and indifference are completely different things. And you don’t need a man on your arm to prove to your ex you’re over him.

GreyCarpet · 28/08/2022 10:42

reidemay · 28/08/2022 10:19

If you hate your ex, you're not over him. The opposite of love is indifference, not hate.

You're not indifferent towards him, and he doesn't mean nothing to you, if you want to show you're OK now and he didn't ruin you. Because you still care what he thinks.

One of my exes was an utter dick to me but we have mutual friends and my partner and I are quite capable of spending an evening in his company if a social occasion demands it. I literally, don't care what he thinks.

Robin233 · 28/08/2022 10:50

@GreyCarpet
As above.

Dery · 28/08/2022 11:11

As PP said - you need to cultivate indifference to your ex. He shouldn’t factor into your calculations at all.

Look at it as a Sliding Doors thing - if you hadn’t been with your ex, you might not be with your lovely man now. Your ex was just part of your journey to a much happier present. He’s behind you now. Keep him behind you.

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 28/08/2022 11:22

My ex literally means nothing to me...I know hate is a strong word but that's how I feel.
This doesn’t make any sense. If he meant nothing you’d feel indifferent, you feel hatred so he still is holding something over your emotions.

If you have a plus 1 and you’ve already RSVP’d to the wedding then of course you go as it’s really rude not to at this late stage. Your focus seems to be on the ex and not the friend though, why is this? It’s a shame you’re focusing you’re attention on the wrong place here.

Scrapper142 · 28/08/2022 11:24

You go, take your new boyfriend and show YOU that he didn't break you. He won't give a shit, but for yourself it can be closure. Enjoy yourself and be polite if you have to speak to him or avoid where possible.

I think its too simplistic to say love is the opposite of hate. Emotions don't work like that. I was in a relationship that sounds similar, completely moved on but still occasionally if i get reminded of a something that happened I do still hate him. 99% of the time its complete indifference, but when you a memory gets triggered its hard not to hate the person responsible for the pain caused at that time.

I went to a wedding where we both guests (covid delayed, so would have been together for original date), sat on a table with his new gf (whom I'm pretty sure he cheated on me with). He was sat on a different table and while we are all chatting and laughing I caught a glimpse of him looking miserable staring at our table. Without a doubt i had a moment of "haha you fucker". For the evening he sat by himself and watched as everyone else danced, he was so pathetic I almost felt sorry for him. They had an argument and left early. I didn't go with the intention of showing he didn't break me, but it did reinforce how well i had done to move on and how different I was from the broken person he'd left me.

tinydancer88 · 28/08/2022 11:25

I’d be gutted if my partner was framing taking me to a wedding with him as getting some kind of revenge or oneupmanship over his ex.

I’d only bring him with you if you’re confident your attention will be on him and enjoying celebrating the wedding as opposed to watching your ex for his reaction.

sammylady37 · 28/08/2022 11:29

reidemay · 28/08/2022 10:19

You are absolutely not over your ex and he clearly means something to you still. Otherwise why would you want to show him you’re ok now? You still care about proving a point to him.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend who seems to be an unwitting pawn in this game. If I got any inkling that someone who claimed to love me was planning to use me in this way I would be furious and would strongly consider ending the relationship.

Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 28/08/2022 11:50

What do you think your ex is going to do/say? He will probably just ignore you or maybe be coldly polite or even really friendly which would be such a headfuck if the last time you saw him he was being so horrible! He's not going to fall to his knees and apologise for what he did when he sees you doing well. He may even be there all loved up with someone else, doing brilliantly himself, and then how will you feel? I don't think it's going to pan out how you're envisioning. If you have mutual friends then in all likelihood he knows you're doing fine and the wedding will not be the pivotal moment you think. I agree with pp - remove the ex from the equation, go if you want to and certainly don't use your new man as a prop to show off to your ex.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2022 11:53

How are you going to feel if your ex has a new woman on his arm?

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