Would this annoy you?

[dontforgettofloss]

Newish boyfriend, I was at his and he was making us some food, he told me to put the tv on a pick something to watch, there was hardly anything on, so I just stuck the news on, I wanted to watch it anyway.
He came and sat down, then said "you can pick something else to watch, you don't have to watch the news to impress me".
For context, he's in a high up job at the top of his profession, he's well educated, went to private school, I'm at the other end of the scale- I'm a cleaner.
When he said that I kind of felt irritated, like I'm not intelligent enough to want to watch the news.
I've not had good relationships in the past, and I have a problem with being able to pick up on any possible red flags, so please be gentle with me and tell me if I'm being too sensitive?

I'd have been absolutely seething, but if it's an isolated incident it might be worth you explaining how what he said made you feel. I very much doubt he meant it like that

Listen to your gut.

He's sleazy slime.

Two marriages down.

The expectations he has, following scantily clad women, speaking disrespectfully to you?

Your gut is bang on.

He's a tool alright.

Dump.

Thank you all of you for your thoughts, it's made me realise I have to trust my gut.

Love this

sounds like he’s a bit too up himself for me. Even if he meant no harm, just saying / thinking that implies why would you want to watch the news if you were given the choice. Sounds like a twat to me

I do not like the smell of this at all. He's inadvertently let slip that he believes you make choices based on the fact that you're trying impress him, don't be blinded by homich he tells you you're beautiful. Both things can be true.

I just have a bad feeling in my gut,

this is all the information you need.

You're not being too sensitive, you've got some information about him and you're aware enough to know what it means.

You’ve got a bad feeling in your gut OP because he’s an absolute tossser. It’s your brain that second guessing yourself and whose judgement is off, not your gut. There’s nothing wrong with your gut whatsoever, so listen to it.

I guess I thought I'd finally found a good one. He's a real pillar of the community type person, well spoken, the complete opposite of my exes. We'd known each other a while before getting together.

If someone insinuated I was too thick to be interested in the news and was only doing it to impress them I'd be out the door.

Couple that with following scantily clad women and comments about sex on tap... fuck no.

Oh god op. The stuff about sex is such a massive red flag. I would never date someone who followed women on Instagram for wank material. Or someone who expected sex from me. Or someone who thought I was too stupid to watch the news.

He is a fucking wanker. Pop him in the dust bin.

Yes.

He's a patronising arsehole who thinks it's OP's job to try to impress him.
OP isn't.

That's what you meant, right @Catlover1970 - because you wouldn't stick your head over the parapet just to make a crass classist comment, would you?

Seconded this until I saw the next update from OP -

Our relationship is very focused on sex, and he has said before that unless I was feeling unwell or not up to it, he expects a "healthy" sex life in a relationship, which is fair enough I suppose.

No amount of telling you how beautiful you are negates this disgraceful attitude. He sees you as an object. A beautiful one, that must perform its function for him, & never mind your own feelings.

How do I work on my self esteem?
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Communication-ebook/dp/B09NJ9CK8H/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1172080293858784&hvadid=73255220586656&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=41471&hvnetw=s&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-73255152863773%3Aloc-188&hydadcr=10807_2102392&keywords=a+woman+in+your+own+right&qid=1661699428&sr=8-1

Cringe . I’d be so annoyed too . I would let this pass but be on the lookout for any other red flags 🚩 of his superiority
complex .

I don’t think women from the same social group he is would have accepted anything like this.

What the fuck have I just read?

Do you think working class/low paid women are less competent & able to look out for themselves than their middle class counterparts @MMmomDD? Less forthright, articulate, intelligent? What? WTF are you getting at?

@KettrickenSmiled

I meant he found someone who would accept his ‘sex, unless unwell’. He clearly sensed some sort of vulnerability in OP - as she has accepted that as something that is OK to demand in relationship. And he probably thought class difference will make a difference - and in this case, it did.

Sometimes men would go much down in age to find someone they can control. Sometimes wealthier men go after women in challenging financial situations.
Generally, abusive men don’t pick an equal (broadly defined).

Not sure what set you off in my comment. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pillar of the community can often hide a lot.

Well spoken often means nothing too.

Two very extreme examples but in my region a pillar of the community was found to be a double murdering adulterer. He also coerced his affair partner to have abortions (back when you had to travel to mainland UK for them) and had sex with her after drugging her with stuff he had access to as a medical professional.

Ted Bundy was well spoken.

Just saying what we think means decency, integrity and we'll adjustedness does not.

I'm amazed a pillar of the community type openly follows scantily clad "sexy" social media accounts.

In fairness it was your class reference.

I also found it wtf.

And responded re women of all social classes being very capable of accepting poor behaviour.

And he probably thought class difference will make a difference - and in this case, it did.

Did it? There is no indication that OP is unable to pick up on the red flags, listen to her gut, or be wise enough to post here for support, due to class difference.
None whatsoever. That's all in your head @MMmomDD
Many middle class women have been taken in by similarly abusive men.

Not sure what set you off in my comment.
See above.
You have pounced upon OP's job as if it automatically means she must be working class (she has not said so - just that her b/f went to public school therefore implying she did not) - & as if being working class/low income automatically means she must have some sort of vulnerability.

If you are not sure why that's a horrible attitude to hold, you're beyond help.

@KettrickenSmiled

Not sure why you need to bring whatever issues/battles you have to this thread. Also no need to make it some sort of wide discussion of class system in the U.K. It is not.

Op has posted about her specific situation. Which I commented on. And in her situation - the guy is clearly using their differences to his advantage. And - OP has accepted his - ‘sex, unless unwell’ as a ‘fair enough’ approach.

She asked for opinions - and mine was that the man is using her and is unlikely to treat her as an equal. He isn’t even really dating her - she seems more like a concubine - based on her description of the relationship.

If you disagree with that - and have another advice to the OP - I am sure she’d be interested.

Not sure why you need to bring whatever issues/battles you have to this thread.
Not sure why you needed to bring your classist assumptions & snobbish opinion to the thread.
Or your notion that not being from a wealthy, public school background means OP has some sort of vulnerability @MMmomDD - but here we are, & your backtracking & DARVO'ing me for picking you up on it doesn't minimise the offence.

He follows them under a different last name, but his account kept coming up as suggested on my own social media- probably because his number is in my phone, I don't know, but I worked out it was him