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Original poster

Would this annoy you?

117 replies

dontforgettofloss · 27/08/2022 17:36

Newish boyfriend, I was at his and he was making us some food, he told me to put the tv on a pick something to watch, there was hardly anything on, so I just stuck the news on, I wanted to watch it anyway.
He came and sat down, then said "you can pick something else to watch, you don't have to watch the news to impress me".
For context, he's in a high up job at the top of his profession, he's well educated, went to private school, I'm at the other end of the scale- I'm a cleaner.
When he said that I kind of felt irritated, like I'm not intelligent enough to want to watch the news.
I've not had good relationships in the past, and I have a problem with being able to pick up on any possible red flags, so please be gentle with me and tell me if I'm being too sensitive?

OP posts:
dmask · 27/08/2022 18:36

I would have laughed and asked if he thought current affairs were impressive as literally everyone reads the news in some way or other. He doesn’t sound very clever at all!

MMmomDD · 27/08/2022 18:43

Are you looking for a long term relationship?
If so - I’d move on. He is clearly ‘dating down’ in his mind. He probably sees you as one of the women who’s accounts he is following.
It’s unlikely he’ll want to integrate you in his life. Unless - possibly - if he can parade you as a trophy. But then he’ll also try to re-make you somehow.
Are you much younger, by any chance? Or are you a kind of couple where people look at you two and wonder why she is with him - visually?

Anyway - he is clearly not seeing you as an equal. If that is something that bothers you - I’d leave.

TheLittleRedDragon · 27/08/2022 18:43

Yes this would have pissed me off. Ask him about it. See if he is aware of how arrogant it made him seem. (See if he can laugh at himself!) It does sound like he thinks of you as less intelligent than him though.

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 27/08/2022 19:02

MMmomDD · 27/08/2022 18:43

Are you looking for a long term relationship?
If so - I’d move on. He is clearly ‘dating down’ in his mind. He probably sees you as one of the women who’s accounts he is following.
It’s unlikely he’ll want to integrate you in his life. Unless - possibly - if he can parade you as a trophy. But then he’ll also try to re-make you somehow.
Are you much younger, by any chance? Or are you a kind of couple where people look at you two and wonder why she is with him - visually?

Anyway - he is clearly not seeing you as an equal. If that is something that bothers you - I’d leave.

We're of a similar age, he's always telling me I'm beautiful and he can't believe he's with me,so I don't know if he maybe sees me like he sees the women he follows on social media.
In the past he's married women of the same status as him. (He's been married twice)
Our relationship is very focused on sex, and he has said before that unless I was feeling unwell or not up to it, he expects a "healthy" sex life in a relationship, which is fair enough I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 27/08/2022 19:03

MMmomDD · 27/08/2022 18:43

Are you looking for a long term relationship?
If so - I’d move on. He is clearly ‘dating down’ in his mind. He probably sees you as one of the women who’s accounts he is following.
It’s unlikely he’ll want to integrate you in his life. Unless - possibly - if he can parade you as a trophy. But then he’ll also try to re-make you somehow.
Are you much younger, by any chance? Or are you a kind of couple where people look at you two and wonder why she is with him - visually?

Anyway - he is clearly not seeing you as an equal. If that is something that bothers you - I’d leave.

Forgot to say, I've asked him what his friends would think of him dating someone like me, and he said they wouldn't be a friend of his if they thought badly of me, so he's saying all the right things

OP posts:
Dery · 27/08/2022 19:08

“Our relationship is very focused on sex, and he has said before that unless I was feeling unwell or not up to it, he expects a "healthy" sex life in a relationship, which is fair enough I suppose.”

It’s not fair enough, OP. You weren’t put on this earth to service his needs. What if you just don’t fancy it? You’re not required to deliver sex on tap irrespective of your own needs.

2 failed marriages is a bit of a red flag and it’s sounding more and more like he thinks women are put on earth for his delectation and that their job in life is to please him. He doesn’t sound very nice, OP.

Dery · 27/08/2022 19:09

Re your update - he’s not saying all the right things. He’s saying a few right things but a number of wrong things also.

catandcoffee · 27/08/2022 19:18

OP do some work on your self esteem.

Read back what you've written on here and have a really good think about it.

He's insulted your intelligence and told you he wants you for sex... that's how it reads to me.

Regardless of his job and education... he's just a human being.

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 27/08/2022 21:57

catandcoffee · 27/08/2022 19:18

OP do some work on your self esteem.

Read back what you've written on here and have a really good think about it.

He's insulted your intelligence and told you he wants you for sex... that's how it reads to me.

Regardless of his job and education... he's just a human being.

How do I work on my self esteem?

OP posts:
Creepymanonagoatfarm · 27/08/2022 22:02

I have had bad relationships op. Now dh has never made me feel how you describe.. He has never told me he expects a healthy sex life. Nobody should expect sex...

Brandyb · 27/08/2022 22:09

Why would he feel the need to even make that comment about sex - what was the context? It sounds a bit like a threat, should you ever decide not to 'perform'.
Coupled with the first comment - nope!

StarDolphins · 27/08/2022 22:13

If you have a gut feeling then it’s usually right. Think what you would advise friends/your children in this situation.

fwiw - I wouldn’t like this, it’s condescending & as if he thinks he’s more intelligent & better than you - although it might be misplaced humour & he might not have intended to sound like this!

StarDolphins · 27/08/2022 22:18

Just read your updates….

I wouldn’t be interested in 2 marriages, following scantily clad women & his expectation of ‘healthy sec’ - whatever that even means…

I don’t think he’s saying all the right things at all, I think he’s coming across & arrogant & superior (not that he is)

i think you
need to work on your self-worth & I don’t think this man is conducive to this.

wellhelloitsme · 27/08/2022 23:08

Our relationship is very focused on sex, and he has said before that unless I was feeling unwell or not up to it, he expects a "healthy" sex life in a relationship, which is fair enough I suppose.

What the fuck.

He's said he will accept you not shagging him if you are unwell. What did he want, a pat on the back? "Thanks for not sexually assaulting me, mate..."

And he has told you he 'expects' it otherwise? So you need an excuse he deems valid enough, otherwise he'll feel you aren't giving him the access to your body he clearly feels entitled to?

Jesus Christ.

It's worrying you've continued seeing him OP, this entitled attitude to sex and content is disturbing at best and dangerous at worst.

wellhelloitsme · 27/08/2022 23:08

wellhelloitsme · 27/08/2022 23:08

Our relationship is very focused on sex, and he has said before that unless I was feeling unwell or not up to it, he expects a "healthy" sex life in a relationship, which is fair enough I suppose.

What the fuck.

He's said he will accept you not shagging him if you are unwell. What did he want, a pat on the back? "Thanks for not sexually assaulting me, mate..."

And he has told you he 'expects' it otherwise? So you need an excuse he deems valid enough, otherwise he'll feel you aren't giving him the access to your body he clearly feels entitled to?

Jesus Christ.

It's worrying you've continued seeing him OP, this entitled attitude to sex and content is disturbing at best and dangerous at worst.

Consent, not content - obviously.

VeridicalVagabond · 28/08/2022 01:00

Honestly OP he sounds a right tool. I think I'd move on and find someone who doesn't have his head stuck so far up his own arse he can eat his dinner twice.

Monty27 · 28/08/2022 01:47

Maybe he's not interested in current affairs or hates watching the news. Or he wanted to watch home n' away. He doesn't sound good company anyway.

MMmomDD · 28/08/2022 02:30

@dontforgettofloss

He is not saying the right things. He is saying he expects sex, unless you are ill - - and this is what the purpose of the relationship is for him.

He also expects you to just accept it - and I am guessing this is why he picked you.
I don’t think women from the same social group he is would have accepted anything like this.

My guess is - he’ll never actually introduce you to his friends. This isn’t a relationship he is going to publicise.
I am sorry.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 28/08/2022 09:13

The news comment wouldn’t bother me that much, as I know some people find the news too depressing to watch. Though given the circumstances, it was clumsy to say the least.

But he has said before that unless I was feeling unwell or not up to it, he expects a "healthy" sex life in a relationship, which is fair enough I suppose.

Fair enough to want that, maybe. But a bloody nerve to tell you he expects you to provide it!

Along with his social-media habits (ewww), this would rule him out for me.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 28/08/2022 09:14

VeridicalVagabond · 28/08/2022 01:00

Honestly OP he sounds a right tool. I think I'd move on and find someone who doesn't have his head stuck so far up his own arse he can eat his dinner twice.

Grin
ToFindNewWays · 28/08/2022 09:18

An expectation of a ‘healthy sex life’ is coercive and controlling - you’re a robot and unless you’re malfunctioning you have to sexually service him because he’s entitled because he’s better than you.

Saying “you don’t have to impress me” clearly suggests that he believes that in the relationship you are the one who should have something to prove. He’s the one that needs to be impressed by lesser you. He perceives himself as being magnanimous by saying “you don’t have to impress me”. He’s making it very clear he thinks he’s better than you.

Listen to your intuition OP.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 09:19

dontforgettofloss · 27/08/2022 19:02

We're of a similar age, he's always telling me I'm beautiful and he can't believe he's with me,so I don't know if he maybe sees me like he sees the women he follows on social media.
In the past he's married women of the same status as him. (He's been married twice)
Our relationship is very focused on sex, and he has said before that unless I was feeling unwell or not up to it, he expects a "healthy" sex life in a relationship, which is fair enough I suppose.

Show quote history

Married twice, sleazy/shallow (following loads of scantily clad women on social media and first even try to hide it), has already set up a coercive/entitled sexual dynamic ("unless you're genuinely sick, I expect regular sex"), and he appears to genuinely think you're some little woman who's desperate to impress him and please him. He was serious when he made that comment.

He's a dickhead and not good relationship material, I'm sorry.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 09:20

*doesn't even try to hide it.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 09:23

I don’t think women from the same social group he is would have accepted anything like this.

I think it's clear from MN that women of all "social groups" accept all kinds of behaviour, including abusive.

If imagine he acts the same to all women, and they get out of they tolerate it.

I think op, your instincts are flaring up for good reasons. I doubt this is going to be a nice, successful relationship for you.

CrystalCoco · 28/08/2022 09:27

Oh OP, in the nicest possible way, get rid, you can do better!

I haven't even met the guy and I already don't like him just from the couple of things you've told us.