My boyfriend wants me to meet his kids, his ex doesn't want me to

[QuestioningGirlfriend]

My boyfriend wants me to meet his kids. His ex (mum to his 2DD) is adamant she won't let me meet them.
We live together, and have lived together now for 9 months.

Me leaving every time they visit is really a bummer, I forget stuff and am not 'allowed' back in the house to grab it. Tbh I'd like to meet them but don't want the drama it would cause with the ex.

It would just be easier in terms of not having to sneak my purse out of the kitchen window. I don't need to sit down to Sunday dinner every week but being able to say hi only me grab what I need and go.

What gets me is I'm a good person, I'm a nurse, I'm great with my sisters kids, I babysit my friends kids. I'm not a danger to the kids. I just don't understand what the issue is with me meeting them.

Shes threatened my boyfriend if I meet them she'll stop all contact.

So basically my question is what is a reasonable amount of time for a guy to have a girlfriend before he introduces her to his kids?

The mother can't dictate when you meet the kids, it is up to the dad. If she stops contact then go to court.

He needs to grow a pair. Deeply unattractive trait, cowardice.

So you have to move out of your own house when they're there?

It's not up to his ex. It's up to him and it doesn't seem too soon at all.

I think he needs to bite the bullet, tell her it's going to happen in X weeks to give her time to get her head around it and then do it.

If dad wanted to introduce a new woman after one date mum has no right to say no. You’re sharing a home with this man, his ex is taking the piss and he needs to man up a bit.

That’s absolutely ridiculous. The ex is just having a power trip and your OH is eating into her hands and indulging her.

He should have said “QG lives her and I’m afraid and is not leaving every contact time.”

I would have moved in when I got kicked out my own house by an ex every other weekend.

It was insanity to move in together before you met!

How long have you been together.

I expect my e to have been dating for 9-12mo than before meeting my DD - just so she’s not meeting multiple step
mums & it feels like it’s going somewhere.

you’ve been together a while I’m thinking if you’ve moved in together so I would say, you don’t need her permission- your Bf just needs to tell her you’ll be meeting the girls on such a day & that’s that!

Wow, you poor thing. Absolutely bonkers you are expected to leave home every time they visit. He needs to set some boundaries with his ex and tell her she can’t control what happens in his home. If she tries to stop contact, then he’ll need legal advice. You really shouldn’t go on living this way.

*ex

I hope you are paying pro rata rent. Sounds like moving in was a bad idea , it's madness having to leave your home every time his kids come round. Your bf is obvious still under his exs thumb. Is this really what you want for the rest of your life? What happens if you have kids with this guy? Will they have to leave their home too? Throw this one back.

How long overall have you been together?

Leave. This won't get better.

Yup this

Leave or tell your partner that this can't go on.

And mean it.

He could apply for court orders visitation now if he thinks access will be an issue.

Your partner is a very weak, ineffectual man. Ick. His ex can't dictate anything, yet he's allowing her to control your lives, and you are allowing him to kick you out of your own home when the kids visit. All of this is madness.

Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and get rid of this man and his baggage. You really want to deal with this bullshit for the rest of your life?

Hang on..how often do they visit? Is he reimbursing your rent when you leave the house? Do you have to go and stay somewhere else? What was the plan when you moved in? How long have you been with him in total? I have so so many questions.

Is it his house that you’ve moved into? If yes, I’d move back out until you’re both ready to get somewhere new together, which will be after you’ve developed a satisfactory relationship with his children.

If no, and it’s as much your house as his, I’d refuse to be pushed out in this unacceptable manner.

Is she REALLY likely to cut contact? If so, he needs to book mediation NOW to discuss the issues including introducing you and if she refuses to discuss it reasonably then he's ready to apply to court. This situation is in the face of it ridiculous

I agree with every single word of this, save yourself years of hell.

She can’t dictate these terms. She is being controlling. Probably just jealous.

He needs to grow a pair and get to mediation and or court. If he doesn’t you probably need to reconsider your relationship.

Christ. Tell your bf to man the hell up. He doesn’t even need to tell his ex you’re meeting them. You live together. Just meet them already. If she stops contact he will have to take her to court. No court in the land would tell him he can’t have his kids if you’re around.

He’s the problem. Absolutely pathetic to behave like this and be dictated to by an ex. And you’ve been pretty naive to move in given the set up tbh. What were you thinking?

If he’s worried about her withdrawing contact he needs a contact order and could have got one at any point before now.

You’re mad to agree to leave your home, just move out and don’t go back.

The whole thing is outrageous.

Why on earth would you move in 2gether without meeting your partners children?

How long have you been 2gether?

Your Partner really needs to put his foot down, it has nothing to do with the children's mother!

Why on earth are you doing this????

Playing devils advocate here. My ex has been with his girlfriend for 10mos, lives with her, she would also say she's lovely and great with other kids. He ex only left 8 mos ago so there is was an overlap.

In my circumstances, she was the OW and is far from lovely (I'm not saying you aren't I'm just looking from another perspective).

I have banned her from ever meeting my children because they have a violent and hostile relationship. I have banned them as a couple meeting my children in order to force court action so I can have a court order for a mental health assessment for my ex.

I'm just looking at it from a different perspective, I'm not controlling but I have every right to protect my childrens welfare.