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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My bf believes his pants are another mans

135 replies

Staytrue05 · 22/08/2022 01:24

I’ve posted a few times and yes I’ve been told my relationship isn’t the best

my partner has started getting more paranoid and has become physically abusive to me the last month

i don’t know why but I can’t walk away

he was sniffing for 2 days solid and I got fed up of it and went out for the day with my friend
when I came home I picked up a pair of his pants and shorts what he left on the floor in the bathroom and chucked them into the wash pile

he somehow got it into his head and swears blind I threw a pair of pants behind the washing machine and came out the bathroom with a pair of pants saying there not his

i was like I dunno cos maybe there your dads or your sis bf
but no he went mental on me and chucked me out the house n took my keys

i went back like a idiot that night around 12 he was super high and I asked to take some clothes at least
i saw he put the pants he found on top my clothes and I put them on the side in the living room n said oh is these them and I took a photo of them and left

that morning he text me he’s still sniffing and he’s gonna end his life
he was saying your never forget this day I’m gonna do something to haunt u forever
and all these abusive textes

he went quiet for a hour
i started crying and panicking
he than text me loads of letters what made no sense
i knew immediately he’s overdosed and he said help n I drove like a lunatic to the house from my friends who I stayed at cos he chucked me out

i found the door open and ran in to find him on the bed
i rang the ambulance
he wasn’t in a good state
it was awful
i wanted to die myself at that moment

he went to hospital and what I found really strange is when the paramedics arrived he walked out with them
which was odd cos before they come n I was sat next to him crying begging him to hold on
he wasn’t even moving or answering me

we spent the whole day at hospital fighting
he kept saying I cheated on him and all this stuff about the pants

anyway that night I went back to our home cos I had the keys he gave me them back and I grabbed the pants he found what I left on the side in the living room and went in his pant draw n pulled all his pants out filming it to see if I find anymore the same with the lable
and of course I find another pair in white
and grey and navy blue
i put them all next to each other they was obviously a pack of 2 each or 4
and I went in the bathroom and saw the pants I chucked with the shorts were not there anymore cos it was the pants he picked up n said we’re not his

i don’t no how he got it into his head he got them from under the washing machine
but he was on drugs for 2 days solid

I took all the pants to the hospital today and I handed him the pants what he said wasn’t his
i said are they yours
he said yes
i said thank u finally
than he said u just got these out my draw
wheres the ones I found
i was like r u crazy I took a pic of these pants when I came back to yours at 12am
look at the photo with the date n time it’s the same pics I took them in your face
but he’s so deluded he said I switched them
oh yeh right

im not going mental I’m so drained
i don’t know how he can’t see he made a mistake
he really believes I went out n bought a pair of mens pants back in my bag n chucked them behind the washing machine

i swear to god I didnt
and y would I chuck them in our home
if I did do something I would chuck them outside somewhere before I arrived home

im going crazy
im being told I’m a cheat n liar n listening to all this abuse
n he said he don’t no if he wants to be with a cheat anymore
he really believes himself
and I’m innocent and being punished and hurt for something I didn’t do

i even got the textes n photos all day from when I was out
from when I met my friend to pics where I was to when I came home

im really upset
his sis text me and said he’s getting worse it’s the drugs and to walk away
but I cant
i still keep begging him and trying to proof myself

i don’t no what more I can do
i even said I’ll pay for a lie detector test which he said if I did it n pass he would get down on his knees and say sorry
but I’m sure it will be something else next week

he got paranoid before a month ago and beat me up for thinking I wanted a 3 way with some old couple who was with us at a house party
they all contacted him after and said I did nothing wrong I was the whole time with my bf
and no1 even suggested anything and told him your crazy
he admits now to that he’s wrong and sorry

so why can’t he see now he was so high he believed his own pants were not his

im sure people will laugh at this post
its ridiculous
but I love him and I can’t accept not being with him

OP posts:
MyCatisaMonkey · 12/09/2022 10:36

What's with all the resurrection of zombie threads? Is it because the board is slow just now?

crowdedout · 12/09/2022 12:56

He's a drug addict.

Unless he goes totally clean back the fuck away.

Don't let your life be ruined by a man like this.

Pinkbonbon · 12/09/2022 13:00

I'll let you in you in the secret if no one else has already op - he doesn't actually belive you are cheating. He wants you to believe he believes you are cheating.

Why? Because then you'll do exactly what you have been doing - looking inwards, desperately trying trying prove your goodness/innocence and loyalty. Stuck on the merry go round of thinking 'if i couldn't find the right words to make him understand'. Instead of looking at his flaws.

Abusers do this. Its a trick and a trap.
Get out.

Pinkbonbon · 12/09/2022 13:01

*if I could just find the right words.

Panjandrum123 · 18/09/2022 23:55

@Staytrue05 you really, really need to put your children first. Stop this relationship before you get too far in. It’s going to hurt but you need to remember why you’re getting away. Stop being a doormat, don’t be abused. Be kind to yourself and cut all contact with this vile man. Concentrate on your kids and making a good life for them and yours will come good too.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 19/09/2022 01:58

MyCatisaMonkey · 12/09/2022 10:36

What's with all the resurrection of zombie threads? Is it because the board is slow just now?

Zombie? It's not even a month old. That's still current.

NotJustAnybody · 19/09/2022 09:11

To be honest, it sounds like you're on drugs too.
I feel sorry for your DC who you've sidelined for some waster.
This isn't going to end well OP if you stay with him. You know what you have to do. Find the strength and don't look back.

wellhelloitsme · 19/09/2022 16:21

Have you chosen your kids over this arsehole yet @Staytrue05?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 19/09/2022 23:04

The whole thread is crackers.

IamTheBridge · 20/09/2022 00:04

Undercrackers?

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