My bf believes his pants are another mans

[Staytrue05]

I’ve posted a few times and yes I’ve been told my relationship isn’t the best

my partner has started getting more paranoid and has become physically abusive to me the last month

i don’t know why but I can’t walk away

he was sniffing for 2 days solid and I got fed up of it and went out for the day with my friend
when I came home I picked up a pair of his pants and shorts what he left on the floor in the bathroom and chucked them into the wash pile

he somehow got it into his head and swears blind I threw a pair of pants behind the washing machine and came out the bathroom with a pair of pants saying there not his

i was like I dunno cos maybe there your dads or your sis bf
but no he went mental on me and chucked me out the house n took my keys

i went back like a idiot that night around 12 he was super high and I asked to take some clothes at least
i saw he put the pants he found on top my clothes and I put them on the side in the living room n said oh is these them and I took a photo of them and left

that morning he text me he’s still sniffing and he’s gonna end his life
he was saying your never forget this day I’m gonna do something to haunt u forever
and all these abusive textes

he went quiet for a hour
i started crying and panicking
he than text me loads of letters what made no sense
i knew immediately he’s overdosed and he said help n I drove like a lunatic to the house from my friends who I stayed at cos he chucked me out

i found the door open and ran in to find him on the bed
i rang the ambulance
he wasn’t in a good state
it was awful
i wanted to die myself at that moment

he went to hospital and what I found really strange is when the paramedics arrived he walked out with them
which was odd cos before they come n I was sat next to him crying begging him to hold on
he wasn’t even moving or answering me

we spent the whole day at hospital fighting
he kept saying I cheated on him and all this stuff about the pants

anyway that night I went back to our home cos I had the keys he gave me them back and I grabbed the pants he found what I left on the side in the living room and went in his pant draw n pulled all his pants out filming it to see if I find anymore the same with the lable
and of course I find another pair in white
and grey and navy blue
i put them all next to each other they was obviously a pack of 2 each or 4
and I went in the bathroom and saw the pants I chucked with the shorts were not there anymore cos it was the pants he picked up n said we’re not his

i don’t no how he got it into his head he got them from under the washing machine
but he was on drugs for 2 days solid

I took all the pants to the hospital today and I handed him the pants what he said wasn’t his
i said are they yours
he said yes
i said thank u finally
than he said u just got these out my draw
wheres the ones I found
i was like r u crazy I took a pic of these pants when I came back to yours at 12am
look at the photo with the date n time it’s the same pics I took them in your face
but he’s so deluded he said I switched them
oh yeh right

im not going mental I’m so drained
i don’t know how he can’t see he made a mistake
he really believes I went out n bought a pair of mens pants back in my bag n chucked them behind the washing machine

i swear to god I didnt
and y would I chuck them in our home
if I did do something I would chuck them outside somewhere before I arrived home

im going crazy
im being told I’m a cheat n liar n listening to all this abuse
n he said he don’t no if he wants to be with a cheat anymore
he really believes himself
and I’m innocent and being punished and hurt for something I didn’t do

i even got the textes n photos all day from when I was out
from when I met my friend to pics where I was to when I came home

im really upset
his sis text me and said he’s getting worse it’s the drugs and to walk away
but I cant
i still keep begging him and trying to proof myself

i don’t no what more I can do
i even said I’ll pay for a lie detector test which he said if I did it n pass he would get down on his knees and say sorry
but I’m sure it will be something else next week

he got paranoid before a month ago and beat me up for thinking I wanted a 3 way with some old couple who was with us at a house party
they all contacted him after and said I did nothing wrong I was the whole time with my bf
and no1 even suggested anything and told him your crazy
he admits now to that he’s wrong and sorry

so why can’t he see now he was so high he believed his own pants were not his

im sure people will laugh at this post
its ridiculous
but I love him and I can’t accept not being with him

but I love him and I can’t accept not being with him

Can you accept not being with your kids?

Because they should be with their dad full time if you insist on living with a drug addict who physically, emotionally and verbally abuses you.

Choose. You can't claim to love them more than anything but also have this man in your life. So choose.

And if you want to continue choosing this man, they shouldn't be living in your abusive home anymore.

Their dad must be beside himself at this, unless you haven't told him any of it in which case I hope he finds out and goes through the court system to protect his kids.

Hopefully you wake up before then.

ill die for that man

Try living for your kids instead.

You have children for ffs, no man is worth more than your children.

@Staytrue05, I’ve read your 3 threads detailing how you are destroying your life with this cruel, controlling, drug-addled monster. Your life is total chaos and degradation, and your 2 children (not by him) will be damaged.

You’re constantly stressed because of his volatile moods and utter contempt. He treats you like garbage and then tells you to get down on your knees to prove your love by servicing him, and you do. When he threatens to dump you, he says you’ll need your small body for men to f**k because that’s all you’re good for.

It is chilling to know that your children are being exposed to this train wreck. He doesn’t like having your children around, especially your youngest. You say that you protect them from the toxicity, but they’re bound to be affected by this brutal drug addict. And you you can’t be at your best for them when you are constantly distressed and beaten down. In my view, their dad needs to have them full-time until you get rid of your abuser and do the Freedom Programme.

You need to find the strength to make big changes, @Staytrue05.

fuck him off. Get your kids and aim to be out of there by the end of this week. Do not stay a moment longer. Block him on everything. Christ, utter psycho. Kids should not be around this. Social services will take them off you if you do not put their welfare first

Seriously....if you want a life leave. If you want this forever stay. Stop the bullshit of I love him I can't leave. Pack and go for goodness sake. Nobody can help you except you. Everyone says the same. So get on with it.

Oh my god and.your kids. You are being selfish. He won't change. You can't help him. Be a good mother your poor kids. They won't have a mother soon if.you don't leave. Putting a drug addict and.your 'I love him' before.your kids is not to be tolerated.

Don't walk. Run.

@Staytrue05, I had missed that he has now escalated to physical abuse. Your emotional health is already being obliterated, and now your life is in danger. Every other week your children are in a dangerous home that puts them at risk. I hope that social services find out and take action.

For your children's sake, you MUST leave. Put them first if you won't put yourself first.

You'll die for him? This is one of the most self centred things that I have ever read on Mumsnet. What about your kids?

Woman up. Stop allowing this shit to happen.

I think you like all the drama.
You’ve posted many times about him, had lots of good advice, and yet here we still are.

"But I love him and I can’t accept not being with him"

Then you'll just have to live like this until you feel differently.

Those feelings of love might or might not get worn down by all this (eventually) . But while staying with him is your hard line you won't cross... then this is your life.

Most people wouldn't want to live the way you describe so I wonder why you do. It's not healthy, it will drag you down and prevent you from ever knowing peace or contentment.

You are choosing this life for yourself. You don't mention children, but it would be unforgivable for you to choose this life for a child.

@Staytrue05 You said you’ll die for that man. If he’s being physically abusive you may end up dying at the hands of that man.

Please, leave him. It will hurt but you do not need this man in your life. Listen to his sister. Delete his phone number, cut all contact and find the life you deserve, and at some point you’ll meet with a new partner who values you.

If nothing else, do it for your kids, they should not be exposed to this kind of life. They should not have to grow up seeing their mother being beaten and her partner taking drugs. LEAVE AS QUICKLY AND AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

You have kids?

Oh my god, the damage. 😭😭💔💔

I'd be reporting her to social services if I knew her.

You love drama dont you? Why you'd expect sense and the ability to recognise a pair of pants from someone high on coke I can't fathom
When he kicked you out you should have stayed kicked out.

This is insanity!
Please leave now, run as fast as you can away from this situation.

Very true. Love is nothing like this.

Love is freedom and light.

This is a psychological trap where you're the puppet and he's yanking your strings.

I know you think he’s really special and you love him under all this crap.
He’s really not. I’m telling you I got heart palpitations reading this as it sounds exactly like my ex. He could not be more textbook abusive. There is nothing special or unique about him at all. He’s just like every other abusive drug addict.
He will ALWAYS be like this.
Leaving my ex was the hardest thing I have ever done and 3 years later I am SO happy and relaxed and thankful I RAN away!

Totally and utterly agree!

Hoping their father (50:50 contact from previous threads) steps in asap.

I’m so drained
i don’t know how he can’t see he made a mistake

because he’s a drug addict and an abuser?
you’re trying to use logic to argue with him but you can’t.

I feel like you’re here hoping we will tell you the magic words to make him see sense, and stop abusing you, if you can just find the right words, just behave good enough you’ll fix him and your relationship.
but that isn’t an option.

He is abusing you physically emotionally and psychologically.
he will continue to abuse you, it may likely get worse but it will never, ever stop.
so your options are to stay with this, or to leave.

You're choosing him over your kids. Grow up!

I can see SS stepping in and you losing your children over this. The hospital talk to social services for heaven's sake. If you won't leave this absolute tool if a man, there is nothing anyone can do for you.

Do you enjoy the drama?

You should be putting your kids 1st and get out and away from this man.