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Original poster

This has made me feel uneasy

78 replies

Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:17

My DH said if we ever split up, he wouldn't rule out saying a 17 or 18 year old. This has really not sat right with me. He says if they were mature enough, he wouldn't let their age put him off! He is really not fussed about it, he says he would not actively pursue a 17/18 year old, but if they clicked he would go for it.

Would this make you feel uncomfortable? It really has not sat right with me but I dunno if IABU

OP posts:
Original poster
Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:18

Dating! Not saying! Get an edit button please MNHQ

OP posts:
MrMrsJones · 20/08/2022 21:19

How old is he....

YoSofi · 20/08/2022 21:22

How old is he?

If he’s 27 its bad enough, but if he’s 50 its disgusting.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 20/08/2022 21:23

Ew how old is he?
this would massively creep me out and I’d have trouble forgetting a comment like that.

Sparklypant · 20/08/2022 21:23

His old is he, that’s key, if he’s 21 that’s fine if he’s 50 it’s not.

Original poster
Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:24

He is 31,ni am 27

We have two daughters 6 and 3 which makes it worse as I thought he would understand why it would be a bit creepy for an older man to date a teenage girl!

OP posts:
Original poster
Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:24

We have been together 7 years. No other problems in the relationship so this has shocked me. I didn't think he was like that

OP posts:
Sparklypant · 20/08/2022 21:25

17 no, but 18 and up as much as it’s a big age gap with a 31 year old, if fhey clicked and as adults both consented I’d not be too bothered.

Watchkeys · 20/08/2022 21:25

If you don't like it, you don't like it. This isn't a 'right or wrong' question. Some people will feel uncomfortable with this, some not. He's entitled to like whatever he likes, as long as it's within the law.

The question is more about what you're going to do about the fact that you feel uncomfortable. Have you told him?

godmum56 · 20/08/2022 21:25

its kind of a weird discussion to have?

Sparklypant · 20/08/2022 21:26

godmum56 · 20/08/2022 21:25

its kind of a weird discussion to have?

Agree, and if they are split it’s none of the ops business who he dates.

Molly887 · 20/08/2022 21:26

Ew. Not sure anything good comes from conversations like this.

Watchkeys · 20/08/2022 21:26

godmum56 · 20/08/2022 21:25

its kind of a weird discussion to have?

That was my first thought too. How the hell did it come about, @Vincethepince ?

Original poster
Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:27

It came up in conversation as we were talking about someone we know who has a large age gap

That's how we got onto the conversation

OP posts:
redastherose · 20/08/2022 21:28

Yuck, a 17 year old is only 11 years older than his daughter. Half your age plus 7 is there rule so anything less than 22 is not nice at his age. It's a strange conversation for you to have had however.

Sparklypant · 20/08/2022 21:28

Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:27

It came up in conversation as we were talking about someone we know who has a large age gap

That's how we got onto the conversation

Do you not find it weirder you feel you’d have sone sort of control or say over who he dates if your relationship ended?

Original poster
Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:30

I was saying to him that such and suches relationship makes me feel a bit uneasy as she is so young and I worry her bf is taking advantage. He said theres nothing wrong with their age gap and he himself wouldn't rule out a 17 18 year old

He wasn't coming across creepy, just very matter of fact

OP posts:
Original poster
Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:31

Obviously I know I'd have no say in it. It just makes me feel uncomfortable knowing he potentially looks at teenage girls that way

Maybe I am being too uptight

OP posts:
idiotmagnet · 20/08/2022 21:33

I wouldn't like it. He doesn't seem to understand the imbalance of power and experience

Sparklypant · 20/08/2022 21:33

Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:31

Obviously I know I'd have no say in it. It just makes me feel uncomfortable knowing he potentially looks at teenage girls that way

Maybe I am being too uptight

17 for me Is an issue but I don’t feel a 31 year old man finding a 18 year old adult woman attractive an issue. Where are you going with this op? He’s not some paedo. Why is this bothering you so much?

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 20/08/2022 21:35

We’ll yea obviously you’d not have a say in who he dates. However I understand why you feel uneasy. I’d hate my husband to say anything like that because I’d loose a bit of respect for him and consider it weird to think dating a teenager would be ok a man that age.

Original poster
Vincethepince · 20/08/2022 21:37

Thanks for the perspective

OP posts:
WhenDovesFly · 20/08/2022 21:39

17 is barely out of childhood. This would give me the ick that he'd even think it might be appropriate. He must have a big ego if he thinks a 17 year old would be interested in a man in his 30s or more with kids in tow.

backupplan1 · 20/08/2022 21:39

My ex said the same! He was 32! He said anything over the age of 16 😱
My daughter is 24. I ended it there and then!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/08/2022 21:39

Op why are you getting upset about something that hasn't happened and is very unlikely to happen?

He's 31 and would consider dating someone of legal age, if he was single. In reality he might go on one date but quickly realise they had nothing in common whatsoever - IF a 17/18yr old would even look at him, more likely she'd be saying "piss off grandad" 😂

As a PP says, no good comes of discussions like this. Don't let a throwaway comment overshadow the ACTIONS of this man who presumably loves you and your DC.

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