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Original poster

Been with partner a year and she hasn't proposed...

119 replies

getthesuitcasefromthevan · 19/08/2022 20:20

Last Sunday was our 1 year anniversary.
I honestly thought she was going to propose.
She planned a night in a lovely hotel,lovely meal.
I honestly thought she was going to propose after a really great year.
I don't know what to do now...do I mention it to her?
I feel like we are just drifting along now with no proposal
I just feel a bit deflated.
I thought our 1 year anniversary would be the proposal
How do I approach this?

OP posts:
PatientlyWaiting21 · 20/08/2022 09:14

After a year I wouldn’t even be moving in with someone. Well done on getting through the honeymoon period.

pinkfondu · 20/08/2022 09:18

getthesuitcasefromthevan · 19/08/2022 21:08

She deffo doesn't have any concerns with finances as I sold my flat to move in with her so I'm happily going to put my money down on her mortgage (which we have discussed )

No not unless you are married and change to a joint mortgage

gethesuitcasefromthevan · 20/08/2022 13:46

Sorry I've taken so long to come back to the thread I've been on night shift.
Basically we met on tinder.
Her son had just gone to university and left home so we spent a lot of time at hers.
We spoke early on about her wanting to now settle down and how her son leaving home had made her realise she needs to settle down.
Then after a few months I moved in.
Sold my flat and here we are 12 months in.
We have crammed a lot into 12 months.
Lots of holidays and we have spare cash now to do this.
She was struggling a bit after getting a new job so both our incomes combined has been a massive help ..and using my flat sale on the mortgage (obviously when married ) seems like the next step.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 20/08/2022 14:23

OP.

It may seem like the next step.

It actually sounds like it was hugely convenient.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 20/08/2022 14:33

biggreenhouse · 19/08/2022 20:29

I think you would be crazy to be engaged after only a year, have you never had relationships longer than this that hasn't worked out?

Haha 😂 my DH and I were not only engaged within a year but we’d moved in, had a baby and got married by the time we’d been together 14 months.
That was 15 years ago so it can work

LovinglifeAF · 20/08/2022 14:35

Besides the fact as others said a year isn’t that long, you could have proposed

Rainbowqueeen · 20/08/2022 14:45

There’s a difference between wanting to settle down and wanting to be married. Plenty of people don’t want to be married but are happy to be in a long term commited relationship.

I agree that you should propose if marriage is what you want. Plan something beautiful and appropriate that you know she will love

KentuckyDerbyandJoan · 20/08/2022 14:50

It’s early days after only a year, but what’s stopping you from proposing?

gethesuitcasefromthevan · 20/08/2022 15:11

Don't you think marriage just makes things more permanent? (If that makes sense )

random9876 · 20/08/2022 15:38

Call me unromantic, but given the various financial tie-ins here, I’d be having a straightforward conversation about getting married, desired time lines, shared views on weddings etc, even who is going to ask who! And then the gentle staged ‚will you marry me’ bit at the end - more of a ritual based on the conversation. I thought that’s what everyone did :)

Aprilx · 20/08/2022 17:46

getthesuitcasefromthevan · 19/08/2022 21:51

She asked me to move in as it made more sense
No point us both paying 2 lots of bills
Selling my place was the best option as this is her family home and it's a 3 bed house
Mine was a flat
We have spoke about combining money for a bigger house and we have spoken about marriage and joint bank accounts etc ...that's why I thought she was going to be proposing.

The point is you said you were going to give her money for the mortgage. Paying off her mortgage for her is just that, giving her money for nothing in return, you aren’t entitled to the house just because you paid somebody’s mortgage for them. You need to be thinking about deeds, not mortgages. An unusually high number of posters on mumsnet don’t seem to realise that mortgage sand house deeds are two very different things.

Jenhen89 · 20/08/2022 19:25

It’s been one year…. And why is she the one who has to propose?

Usernum6737283 · 20/08/2022 19:28

One year isn't all that long tbh!

but could you propose?

buy honestly, most couples aren't engaged after a year, totally normal!

TheBatwoman · 20/08/2022 20:37

gethesuitcasefromthevan · 20/08/2022 15:11

Don't you think marriage just makes things more permanent? (If that makes sense )

Marriage gives you certain legal and financial protections. I’m not sure it makes things more permanent though? Do you mean more like it’s a sign you’re more committed @getthesuitcasefromthevan? Or do you feel that being married would legitimise your relationship more for others?

Billi80 · 20/08/2022 23:07

Why do you want to get married? Why not just be together with a less heteronormative statement of commitment? Also a year is nothing. Give it time and stop silently expecting stuff. Talk talk talk about your needs and desires. You both have the right to know where they are coming from

MissMaple82 · 20/08/2022 23:10

You barely know each other after just 1 year, get a grip of yourself

StampOnTheGround · 20/08/2022 23:15

1 year? You literally don't know each other, give it time.

Sniffypete · 20/08/2022 23:25

Why are you waiting for her to do it? Why can't you?

gethesuitcasefromthevan · 22/08/2022 12:05

1 year to me seems like a long time and considering how fast we have moved (moving in etc ) it seems like we have done a lot.
I'm going to propose when we go away In November (if she hasn't ) as I would like to hopefully get married next July whilst my aunt is visiting from Canada.
It will be nice to have her here...that way we will have been together nearly 2 years by that point.

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