Been with partner a year and she hasn't proposed...

[getthesuitcasefromthevan]

Last Sunday was our 1 year anniversary.
I honestly thought she was going to propose.
She planned a night in a lovely hotel,lovely meal.
I honestly thought she was going to propose after a really great year.
I don't know what to do now...do I mention it to her?
I feel like we are just drifting along now with no proposal
I just feel a bit deflated.
I thought our 1 year anniversary would be the proposal
How do I approach this?

Really?

@thefizz i suspect different couples do it differently. I always desperately wanted to be proposed to and really would have loved a pretty engagement ring but after years of waiting (and some difficult life circumstances put things into perspective), I actually proposed to my wife and bought her an engagement ring. Allegedly she was going to get me one too, but it would seem holding one’s breath is not advisable…we’ve been married 3 years now! I’ve told her she owes me a very nice eternity ring now mind.

Ah look, no need for some of you to be so defensive. In a hetero relationship I have never seen the man wear an engagement ring, so I just wondered.
Sorry for asking.

Congratulations, that eternity ring is surely on the way to you!

I've known hetero couples who both wore rings. No need to be so defensive yourself.

@thefizz there are no men in a lesbian relationship though. Your post seems to suggest you see one person as ‘the man’ which is pretty homophobic. I’m not a lesbian by the way so not being ‘defensive’

Over and out.

Ah yes. Rather than confront your odd views it’s far better to flounce off!

I’ve done the classic move in together on the first date and we’ve been married for years (did wait 5 years for that though).
But definitely protect each other financially. She should want that for you, if she loves you.

But definitely protect each other financially. She should want that for you, if she loves you.

This. All day long.

Oh come on, it wasn't a homophobic question. Calm down.

I thought we were all supposed to just ask each other about things we didn't understand, rather than be afraid, in order to educate ourselves? How are you meant to understand if you don't ask? Asking questions to better understand doesn't make a person 'phobic'

Actually asking marginalised people to educate you is pretty much the opposite of what you are ‘supposed’ to do.

I don't think that comment was homophobic or anything like that.
In all fairness I felt like I had a million questions when I was starting my first Same sex relationship (after 16 years of dating men)
I learnt there's no rules..we just go with the flow
She probably won't wear a ring as she hates jewellery ..she would rather a ring on a necklace

She could be wondering why you haven’t proposed either.
I’d be pretty annoyed if I was the one doing all of the planning like you said she does and I’d be wondering why my partner hasn’t made any effort.

Also as you are both older I’m wondering if you’ve been married before as I find many people who’ve already been married choose not to go through it all again.

I think a year is a very short time to get engaged at too.

A year is pretty quick. I'd wait a while. Maybe talk to each other more about it and see what page you are both on and wait another year at least, alot can happen in a year and people can change alot in a year.

I'm also a lesbian, and my wife and I also moved in together within a few months for practical reasons. We didn't get engaged for about 3 years, though.

There's no rush. You say you're "drifting" but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Surely most of a relationship - including all the time after marriage - is drifting rather than going through different steps.

Have you had a blazing row that was potentially a relationship breaker but successfully navigated this? I think that's always a good sign.

Say more about putting money into her mortgage. That doesn't sound like a great idea.

Probably to point out there aren't small children to consider.

Really? How bizarre.

Living together is a pretty big commitment though. I'd have thought a year living together rather than 5 months would be better though then you'd be more sure. Living together is when you get to really know eachother iyswim.

Drifting? You’ve been together a year and living together for seven months!

She has told me now she's ready to settle down,she had decided before we met that's what she wanted -so we deffo are on the same page.

You clearly aren’t on the same page if you’re canvassing strangers on the internet for reasons why your gf hasn’t proposed.

I think it’s time you and your gf had a grown up conversation about the future. Ready to settle down might mean something very different to her than it does you. If you want to get married sooner rather than later, than you need to articulate that.

There’s a passive, take the back seat to your mindset with regards to this relationship which is worrying. You are your best advocate and I think it unwise to defer major decisions to someone you’ve known for just over a year.

Do not make any major financial commitments with this woman, before speaking to an independent financial advisor.

My advice is to slow down and get to know her and yourself in the context of this relationship, better.

Why are you waiting for her to propose?

She's probably waiting for you.

Think your on the the wrong thread love. What a bizarre thing to say.

I get you