Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just told DS I slept with other man (which I did not!)

101 replies

cl2746719 · 19/08/2022 15:08

My DH is an absolute jerk.

It all started this morning when DH tried to stop DS from watching TV and get on with his lunch. He then went on saying (in front of DS) that ever since DS was born DS has changed his lifestyle and he had to put DS in priority in planing everything and he cannot do what he likes to do.

I stopped him at that point and asked him stop complaining like that in front of DS. This is not the first time DH talked like this which makes DS feel like he is a burden to his own father.

DH then got angry with me and started complaining against me being a useless wife/mother blah blah blah and said something very humiliating to me. I was angry and upset I said if you think I am so bad why would you pick me as your wife and I am more than happy if he would just leave and get another woman. He was furious. He then asked DS to go upstairs and then picked something to hit me (not in front of DS).

When DS came downstairs, he started telling DS that I am a bad mommy and I had slept with other men. I was furious at this point because what he was telling is not true.

He was talking about a man that I met over 10 years ago for God's sake! DH and I were dating back then and I wanted to break up with him. I then met another guy and dated him for couple of months before DH asked me back (which I did and the rest is history). We were young, we were not married at that time. After DH asked me back he just won't stop accusing I had slept with that man which I denied hundreds of time. After 10 years he is still talking about it and now this time in front of DS! I am really sick of this man. He is traumatising me and DS! He bad mouth me in front of DS and DS repeated after him saying mommy is a bad mommy I want another mommy.

I have done nothing wrong to deserve this.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 19/08/2022 15:11

He then asked DS to go upstairs and then picked something to hit me (not in front of DS).

OP did he hit you? Or threaten to?

AnyFucker · 19/08/2022 15:11

You need to leave and take your son away from this relationship. He is being damaged by it.

Coldiron · 19/08/2022 15:12

So he is physically and emotionally abusive to you and emotionally abusive to your child?

What are the barriers to leaving and how can they be overcome?

DesMoulinsRouge · 19/08/2022 15:12

It won't get better. You need to end the relationship. He has nothing but contempt for you and your son.

Original poster
cl2746719 · 19/08/2022 15:14

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 19/08/2022 15:11

He then asked DS to go upstairs and then picked something to hit me (not in front of DS).

OP did he hit you? Or threaten to?

He did hit me. Not his first time. I told him I had taken photos of my previous injuries. He said "what kind of person would keep evidence against her family?".

OP posts:
Russell19 · 19/08/2022 15:15

Your DH send your DS upstairs so he could hit you....and you're worried about him talking about other men?

tribpot · 19/08/2022 15:16

So this detail almost went by the by:
He ... picked something to hit me

Did he hit you?

Regardless, this situation cannot continue. He complained to ds that he was a burden, and then you - in front of your ds - said you'd be happy if he left and found someone else. He told your ds to leave so he could hit you (unclear if he did or not) and then he - in front of your ds - said you'd slept with other men.

Your ds can't live like this. You need to make plans to leave.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 19/08/2022 15:16

Ring the police now op.
He assaulted you. He is mentally abusing you .
Your dc needs keeping away from him.

Original poster
cl2746719 · 19/08/2022 15:17

Coldiron · 19/08/2022 15:12

So he is physically and emotionally abusive to you and emotionally abusive to your child?

What are the barriers to leaving and how can they be overcome?

I don't know. Maybe because I rely on him financially? Maybe I worry I can't handle it all my myself?

OP posts:
mooshypooshy · 19/08/2022 15:19

Leave him. He is abusing you and damaging your son.

I'd go to the police with all your evidence and get him arrested.
Nasty piece of work

picklemewalnuts · 19/08/2022 15:20

Where are you, op? UK?

You need help. He's an abusive man who is blaming you for his own behaviour. He's abusive you, and your son, and you need to get away from him.

Whatever it takes. But carefully- he's dangerous.

Iamclearlyamug · 19/08/2022 15:21

You have GOT to leave this man - if not for you, for your child. He is damaging him every day - do you want your son to grow up thinking this is what a relationship looks like?

Do you have family or friend support? Financially I'm sure it could be worked out - he'd have to pay child support for starters.

Please call the police or at least get everything logged that has happened. It's so sad that you're living like this 😞

Coldiron · 19/08/2022 15:23

I’d suggest contacting Women’s Aid as they can help you plan how to leave safely

doodlywoodlydingdong · 19/08/2022 15:23

OP- your child is learning every single day, you are both modelling the sort of behaviour that he will display for the rest of his life.

My daughter saw and heard domestic violence from birth to around 2 1/2 years old and she is now an adult with a personality disorder that is directly linked to witnessing that abuse. She can't regulate her own emotions because at a vital time in her life her dad failed her by hitting me repeatedly and I failed her by not leaving soon enough. I would do anything to go back and undo the trauma that is still affecting my adult child 20+ years on.

You need to ring the police. As a matter of urgency. He won't change. He is turning your child against you and HITTING you for gods sake.

RunningFromInsanity · 19/08/2022 15:24

Russell19 · 19/08/2022 15:15

Your DH send your DS upstairs so he could hit you....and you're worried about him talking about other men?

Literally this. Sort your priorities (and your life) out.

Original poster
cl2746719 · 19/08/2022 15:26

Russell19 · 19/08/2022 15:15

Your DH send your DS upstairs so he could hit you....and you're worried about him talking about other men?

I don't get what you mean. He told our son "mommy slept with other man".

First it is not true.

Second, even if that is true, the man he was referring to was my boyfriend over 10 years ago, never met him after we broke up and I was single at that time.

Third, EVEN (and I stress, EVEN IF) if I slept with someone during our marriage, do you think he should bring it up in front of a 5 year old?

It is utterly humiliating and insulting to accuse your wife of sleeping with someone when she has devoted all her time to the family and not even have time to take care of herself, let alone meeting a secret lover.

OP posts:
HOTHotPeppers · 19/08/2022 15:27

OP your child is living with a physically abusive man and your biggest worry is whether your son thinks you slept with other men. You need to leave.

newyearsresolurion · 19/08/2022 15:29

Previous poster mean that you should be concerned about this man being physically and emotionally abusive to you and your son rather than you being worried about whether you've slept with other men or not

Original poster
cl2746719 · 19/08/2022 15:31

doodlywoodlydingdong · 19/08/2022 15:23

OP- your child is learning every single day, you are both modelling the sort of behaviour that he will display for the rest of his life.

My daughter saw and heard domestic violence from birth to around 2 1/2 years old and she is now an adult with a personality disorder that is directly linked to witnessing that abuse. She can't regulate her own emotions because at a vital time in her life her dad failed her by hitting me repeatedly and I failed her by not leaving soon enough. I would do anything to go back and undo the trauma that is still affecting my adult child 20+ years on.

You need to ring the police. As a matter of urgency. He won't change. He is turning your child against you and HITTING you for gods sake.

Oh god, I am sorry for what had happened to you and your daughter too. Didn't know that would have impact on kids of that young age. Obviously I have acted too late.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2022 15:32

newyearsresolurion · 19/08/2022 15:29

Previous poster mean that you should be concerned about this man being physically and emotionally abusive to you and your son rather than you being worried about whether you've slept with other men or not

This. You appear to be completely numb to the real issue, he is abusing you physically and you are staying.

Cas112 · 19/08/2022 15:32

Russell19 · 19/08/2022 15:15

Your DH send your DS upstairs so he could hit you....and you're worried about him talking about other men?

This poster is worried about your DH hitting you, she's means the least of your concerns is him talking about other men. Get yourself out of there and your son before it's to late

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2022 15:32

Obviously I have acted too late.

You haven't acted yet. But you can.

Original poster
cl2746719 · 19/08/2022 15:33

newyearsresolurion · 19/08/2022 15:29

Previous poster mean that you should be concerned about this man being physically and emotionally abusive to you and your son rather than you being worried about whether you've slept with other men or not

Oh, I see what you mean then. I just worry what he said would affect DS. Personally I am used to his accusation. He brings this shite up every time we argue. He is pathetic.

OP posts:
Almondsandraisins · 19/08/2022 15:36

cl2746719 · 19/08/2022 15:33

Oh, I see what you mean then. I just worry what he said would affect DS. Personally I am used to his accusation. He brings this shite up every time we argue. He is pathetic.

Show quote history

All of this will affect your DS. Your prick of a husband hitting you, telling DS he is a burden, everything.

But it is also affecting you.

You need to call the police and report the assault or you need to leave him and take your DS or both.

I know you are worried about money but a women's shelter will help you sort this out. You will be entitled to benefits and you will be okay. But if you stay you may end up dead, because in abusive relationships the violence often escalates.

Wombat27A · 19/08/2022 15:37

The hitting you will be affecting your DS. Kids always know, it's not a silent thing & you can feel the atmosphere and fear.

FFS, the bad mouthing is the least of your issues. If you are so used to pre-meditated violence with instruments without realising it's horrific, you need proper help.