DH just told DS I slept with other man (which I did not!)

[cl2746719]

My DH is an absolute jerk.

It all started this morning when DH tried to stop DS from watching TV and get on with his lunch. He then went on saying (in front of DS) that ever since DS was born DS has changed his lifestyle and he had to put DS in priority in planing everything and he cannot do what he likes to do.

I stopped him at that point and asked him stop complaining like that in front of DS. This is not the first time DH talked like this which makes DS feel like he is a burden to his own father.

DH then got angry with me and started complaining against me being a useless wife/mother blah blah blah and said something very humiliating to me. I was angry and upset I said if you think I am so bad why would you pick me as your wife and I am more than happy if he would just leave and get another woman. He was furious. He then asked DS to go upstairs and then picked something to hit me (not in front of DS).

When DS came downstairs, he started telling DS that I am a bad mommy and I had slept with other men. I was furious at this point because what he was telling is not true.

He was talking about a man that I met over 10 years ago for God's sake! DH and I were dating back then and I wanted to break up with him. I then met another guy and dated him for couple of months before DH asked me back (which I did and the rest is history). We were young, we were not married at that time. After DH asked me back he just won't stop accusing I had slept with that man which I denied hundreds of time. After 10 years he is still talking about it and now this time in front of DS! I am really sick of this man. He is traumatising me and DS! He bad mouth me in front of DS and DS repeated after him saying mommy is a bad mommy I want another mommy.

I have done nothing wrong to deserve this.

Thank you. I need someone to be harsh on me. Obviously as other posters has said, I am numb to the situation and I got my priorities wrong. I think my thoughts have been controlled by DH for too long and I might need mental help as well I get anxiety easily and don't want to talk to people in real life.

He said "what kind of person would keep evidence against her family?"

What kind of person would hit their wife?

OP, he isn't just being abusive to you. He is being abusive to your little boy too. You need to get you, and your DS, away from this man.

You'll be worried if you split, what kind of emotional or physical abuse might happen on the days DS is with his dad.

So this is why you need to report this to the police. That sets the ball rolling for really important protections in law for your DS such as supervised visits of social services intervention that limit the access an abusive man has to his child.

Go to the police.

You need to csll police
You need to leave
Your ds is learning to grow up and hit a d abuse women
Look up domestic violence suppirt in your area
Call them and report and leave

I don't care being physically or emotionally abused by DH. I care about what DS thinks of me.

They are entwined
Your ds thinks like your husbsnd does
That you are crap to be hit and abused

But you can change this
By leaving
And therapy
For you and ds

Sorry Op, but reading threads like these make me feel immensely proud of being divorced. There is more dignity in rising your child on your own than putting them through this level of wankery. Grow a pair, put your child first and leave that loser.

Oh my dear, you need to get out.

Refuge have a free 24-hour helpline on 0800 2000 247

Focus on the practicalities right now, you can worry about other stuff later. Call Refuge, ask for advice. Call the police - report the violence. You can take on other stuff like social services and access and benefits etc. when you're ready.

He's done a real number on your head, hasn't he? The evil pig. He's convinced you that his opinion of you is the only thing that matters, that you are unable to have any agency in your own life.

Prove the bastard wrong.

Stand up for yourself and your child.

Show your child that HE comes first, and that you will always have his back. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for him.

Its very understandable that your thoughts and priorities are all over the place when you are being abused. The first thing you need to do is get yourself away from your DH, but then after you do that you would definitely benefit from counselling etc

Although you may find your anxiety eases when you are not with your husband any more.

If you are concerned about your husband having access to your son after splitting up, and you feel comfortable to do so, reporting him to the police for physical abuse may help you. This may also help you qualify for legal aid if you need it. However this is something a domestic violence helpline or a womens shelter may be able to give better advice on.

For reference:

National domestic violence helpline: 0808 2000 247
Citizens advice: 0345 404 0506

And to think that some purple may think that my children are short changed by the fact that I am a single mother. When I read threads like this I think “wtf are these women doing subjecting their children to this toxic environment?”

People

Raise your son to be a better man than the one he’ll become if you stick with this asshole. The world doesn’t need version 2.0 of your ‘D’H.
There’s nothing D about your H and he’s barely a husband.
Leave.
I know it feels all sorts of wrong throwing a husband to the lions (phoning police in this case). We’re hardwired to be protective towards our partners and our children.
But your husband is your abuser.
You need to let that fact live permanently in your head. He is your abuser. And he’s already alienating you from your son.
If you can give birth and raise a child (our greatest task as women) you can surely find the strength to leave your abuser.

It's quite normal to not be thinking straight after he hit you and be all over the place emotionally. Your brain will minimise this as well in an attempt to protect you. Also normal to worry about the not so important things when planning to leave/after being abused. It often takes about 35 incidents before leaving. It is really hard to do. But you can do it and you can manage. You do need to make a plan to leave asap. That should include the police your GP and will also include social services. Don't worry about this. These people will help you keep safe.

You're in an abusive relationship. The issue of whether or not you slept with someone else when you weren't seeing your husband pre-marriage is a red herring.

Please get help to leave. This is a terrible example of what a relationship should look like for your DS.

As if a 5 year old will understand what "mummy slept with another man" means.
You husband is an absolute bell end.. He is abusing your son for his own satisfaction.

Sick sick sick

(No way I would be referring to him as "D" H - what the hell is "darling about him???!)

What are the barriers to leaving and how can they be overcome?
I don't know. Maybe because I rely on him financially? Maybe I worry I can't handle it all my myself?

OP- I promise you that working out all that will be 100% easier when you are no longer being verbally, physically and emotionally abused in your own home. You can do this. There is help out there for you.

i understand the idea of leaving can be overwhelming. So maybe don't think about that all at once, just focus on small steps: reach out to Women’s Aid, or your local domestic abuse charity, and ask to talk to someone? Spend some time imagining what it would be like to be free?

I have name changed for this. As a child whose mother suffered domestic violence I can tell you that a child will be aware that something is going on when they are sent to their room. You hide in your room listening hard to everything that is going on and unable to help. It’s frightening and you think your world is falling apart. The verbal abuse is just as damaging. I urge to do something to protect your child from being further affected by the abuse you are suffering and yourself too.

OP you have to leave for the sake of yourself and your son. This man is a abusive and insane

OP I hope you find the strength and support to leave and to leave as soon as possible.
The poster asking if you are in the UK is likely just asking to ensure that any numbers and advice you are given is correct.
Good luck. Please don't let this slide. Your DS will be aware of so so much here and your chance of keeping him safe and giving him a good future is when you leave your H

You are worried about what your child thinks of you.

as a child and young adult, I was angrier with my mother than my father. He was an abuser without any sense. She was someone who was supposed to love me and could have kept me safe, but failed. Once I got older and had both some life experience and some real financial resources, I understood the situation a little better and stopped being so angry with her. I also offered to use those resources to get her out on multiple occasions, but she refused. She died still married to him and I definitely believe the stress of her life contributed to her relatively early demise.

@cl2746719 "I am in the UK. I ma an immigrant. Just curious why do you and other poster think I am not in the UK? Is it because my English doesn't sound local?"

A couple of us asked if you are in the uk, so we'd know what helplines etc to direct you to.

It's no good our recommending this or that, if you live somewhere different. Also, the nationality thing comes into it if you are at a distance from family, or don't have residence rights. Some women who live in some countries can't take their children when they leave. They are obliged to stay with the dad, or lose their children.

You asked why you don't sound Like you were in England, I think one reason being because you say Mommy. Nothing wrong with it, just a give away.

Leave the abusive husband.

Oh, I am so sorry for your mother. Thank you for your sharing which allows me to know better from the point of view of a kid who is raised in similar environment. Take care.

Please report him for hitting you-again. He must not be around your child talking shit like this and abusing you. Do not imagine that your child is unaware of the violence.

OP you make it sound like this is normal, like he has conditioned you and worn you down over time to believe that this is what marriage is and you just accept it, which is devastating to read.

Your husband should not hit you. You say it in such a flippant way - your husband should be someone who loves you, trusts you, whose company you genuinely enjoy, who you feel 100% safe around, not someone who controls, manipulates, physically and mentally abuses you, and you feel you have to stay with because of finances or guilt. No. You deserve better. Your son deserves better. This man is a terrible father, a good dad would never treat his child's mother in this way.

Please, please don't put up with this and please don't let this be your life - it WILL have lifelong, awful consequences for your son. Be strong, leave, and your son will be able to respect you for that. Don't worry now about some meaningless crap your husband is saying about you, look at the bigger picture and the bigger issue here.

Other posters have shared useful practical advice, I really hope you listen and take it, and get away from this monster.

As others have said, whether he said to your son that you "slept with other men" is entirely irrelevant. A five year old would have no idea what that means anyway. Forget about that, it is not the point. He has assaulted you, more than once by the sound of it and your son in living in a home with domestic violence. You are both in danger and need to get out immediately. Call the police.