DH just told DS I slept with other man (which I did not!)

[cl2746719]

My DH is an absolute jerk.

It all started this morning when DH tried to stop DS from watching TV and get on with his lunch. He then went on saying (in front of DS) that ever since DS was born DS has changed his lifestyle and he had to put DS in priority in planing everything and he cannot do what he likes to do.

I stopped him at that point and asked him stop complaining like that in front of DS. This is not the first time DH talked like this which makes DS feel like he is a burden to his own father.

DH then got angry with me and started complaining against me being a useless wife/mother blah blah blah and said something very humiliating to me. I was angry and upset I said if you think I am so bad why would you pick me as your wife and I am more than happy if he would just leave and get another woman. He was furious. He then asked DS to go upstairs and then picked something to hit me (not in front of DS).

When DS came downstairs, he started telling DS that I am a bad mommy and I had slept with other men. I was furious at this point because what he was telling is not true.

He was talking about a man that I met over 10 years ago for God's sake! DH and I were dating back then and I wanted to break up with him. I then met another guy and dated him for couple of months before DH asked me back (which I did and the rest is history). We were young, we were not married at that time. After DH asked me back he just won't stop accusing I had slept with that man which I denied hundreds of time. After 10 years he is still talking about it and now this time in front of DS! I am really sick of this man. He is traumatising me and DS! He bad mouth me in front of DS and DS repeated after him saying mommy is a bad mommy I want another mommy.

I have done nothing wrong to deserve this.

You need to call the police on him, get him arrested, get an occupation order against him and probably a non-mol as well. Then you need to divorce the abusive piece of shit and arrange counselling and support for yourself and your DS. This is still salvageable for you two but you need to get out now.

If you can't bring yourself to call the police because you are afraid, get yourself into a refuge.

It seems like I worry more about what he said about me sleeping with other man. The truth is, he brings this topic up all the time when we argue. I don't even care to rebut. But it is the first time he said it in front of DS. He wants DS to believe that I am a bad mommy. I don't care being physically or emotionally abused by DH. I care about what DS thinks of me.

What he said will affect your DS much less than the physical abuse. Which your DS will be aware of.

you need to take steps to keep him safe. From emotional harm as well as physical. You cannot stay in this marriage.

From that altercation, your son will be focused on being sent out of the room so your husband could hit you (and oh yes he knows, I promise you). You need to get help - your worries here are directed in entirely the wrong place...

And can you handle all of this abuse by yourself? It might seem hard but you are worth so much more. Your son deserves better.

Oh, I see what you mean then. I just worry what he said would affect DS.

What will affect your ds is growing up in a household with domestic violence and abuse. You say that you only care about what your ds thinks of you? Well then - maybe reflect on what he will think of you when he's a bit older and wonders why on earth you stayed in this relationship instead of protecting him and yourself by leaving.

I don't care being physically or emotionally abused by DH. I care about what DS thinks of me.

Oh god please don't just accept it as part of the norm and become numb to it. That's a downwards spiral, right there. Please, just leave him first and foremost and sort out the practicalities once you've got yourself and your son away from him.

My heart broke for your little boy, and you, reading that.
Men like him never change. Like a pp said earlier, I also have a daughter who's mentally scarred by her dads actions when she was a child, I too left too late, the damage was done to her. Please don't make the mistake I did. My daughter is still in therapy now years later.
For both your sakes you need to get rid. Call the police and tell them what happened. Please

Your husband is abusing you and your son. Yes, he is abusing your son. Your son is being emotionally abused. Your son witnessing you being abused is also abuse.

please get your child out of this situation. Yes, your husband may get parenting time and you won’t be there to protect your child. Your son will also get guaranteed time when he is safe and can relax completely. That guaranteed safe time is worth it. It will give his brain a chance to learn what it feels like to feel safe and loved. Growing up in a constant state of alert is much harder to recover from.

I don't care being physically or emotionally abused by DH. I care about what DS thinks of me.

Well in the future your ds will think that he had an awful childhood and wonder why no one tried to protect him from this abuse. Rightly or wrongly he will probably blame you more than his dad. Right now who gives a shit whether he thinks you are sleeping with other men or not? Get your priorities straight. Your ds is living in a horrible situation and your reputation is the least of it. You need to reach out for help in real life and get your son out of this toxic environment.

you have photo evidence please call the police-do you own your house together or rental

At 5 I doubt he even knows what it means. I can assure you he knows why it means when his dad hits his mum. You have to get out.

You are focussing on the wrong thing here.

He will do anything to break your relationship with your child to control or hurt you. If you stay with this man you will lose your relationship with your son for sure. Youhave a chance if you leave him (preferably on domestic abuse with as little as unsupervised contact as possible).

So how precious is your child to you? Millions of women bring up children alone, you can do it too. You need to plan how to leave and how to make a happy home with ds.

All of it will affect your son. Hearing his father bad mouth his mother, being told he’s a burden, being sent out of the room so his father can beat his mother.

You can give him the happy childhood he deserved but you need to get away from this man. Are you in the UK or another country? There will be posters who can offer specific advice with more details.

Speak to womens aid and if he is physically assaulting you, the police.

A bit of tough love here but if you say you are allowing him and enabling him to emotionally abuse your son.

Leave him OP. You and your child do not deserve any of this.

He sounds as if he has a guilty conscience by bringing up “men you’ve slept with”. That’s what men do when they feel guilty due to their own infidelities.

Please contact WomensAid for some support and advice, or the police. Who will take physical violence and emotional abuse seriously.

Please get out for your safety and your child’s safety. It is not fair to bring up a child in this environment.

I'm going to sound harsh here sorry

You and your son are currently being abused. Your son is being emotionally abused, you are being physically and emotionally abused.

Currently you have options, you can leave or you can stay. Your son has no options, unless you leave and take him with you he is forced to live in an abusive environment.

If you care what your DS thinks of you then you need to leave because he will not think well of you for forcing him to stay and be abused.

I understand that its easy to say from the outside that you need to leave and that the dynamics of an abusive relationship make it harder. But talk us through the obstacles and let us help you understand what you can do to overcome them.

If its money for example then go to the benefits calculator here for an idea of how much you would be entitled to:

www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

That is something that I worry about - Co-parenting with DH. I am sure he would want co-parenting, and I would agree because I don't want DS to cut his daddy out. But it seems that it would be a difficult situation.

Accusing you of being with another man is the least of your worries.

This man clearly hates you. He certainly doesn't love you. He begrudges being a father. He resents you and your son. He hits you. He accuses you of things you haven't done. He tries to turn your son against you.

I beg you to leave him. Why stay in a marriage where there is no love? Why live with someone who hurts you? Who mentally and physically abuses you? Your child is growing up in an abusive household. They will be affected by this. This coudl traumatise them forever. They could copy their dad's behaviour and become like him as an adult. Or copy their mum's behaviour and let other people treat them terribly.

Please leave. Your life will be so much easier without that vile man. He is dangerous. Don't tell him your plans. Make them in secret. Talk to someone in real life for support. Talk to a solicitor to see where you stand legally (you are likely going to be much better off than you seem to think).

But get away from him, for your sake and for your son's.

He sent your son upstairs to hit you
so he had enough control to pause, recognise yourself son shouldn’t witness the abhorrent act he had planned to carry out.
waited for your son to scuttle off (who would know EXACTLY what’s about to happen)

then
then
he hits you

any of that he could have stopped. But didn’t. That’s not a loss of control (still not acceptable). It’s thought out physical abuse.

call the police before your poor boy steps in or turns on you from his poison.

I am in the UK. I ma an immigrant. Just curious why do you and other poster think I am not in the UK? Is it because my English doesn't sound local?

Good god you poor thing, get yourself out of this situation and your poor son. You do not deserve this and are in danger. Please listen to people on here. Make the change now and seek help asap from the agencies recommended.

If you spoke to the police and he was charged with assault it his hugely unlikely he would be allowed unsupervised contact with your DS.
Speak to them today. And womens aid.
If you won’t do it for yourself you need to do it for your DS.

You should also care that your DS is being emotionally abused by this man.

He’s using DS to get at you. He doesn’t give a shit about his well-being or yours.

Do you work? Could you support yourself and DS?

Report this to the police immediately. You need to get him out of the house.