…do this in the bedroom?

[Jemmajemma]

The other night my partner put his hands on/ around my neck
not hard or tight but I didn’t like it.
i pushed them off and he put them back on
the next day i said Whats that all about I didn’t like that. He said its just pretend, role play etc…

Either watching too much porn or has a bit on the side if it's LTR and this is new.....

You think it's ok because you like it yourself? Why? Why is it ok to try something physically on someone that it's perfectly obvious they might not like? Just because you're happy being 'a bit choked', do you think that means everyone should be?

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If you didn’t like it, you didn’t like it. Some people are into role play, some people are into anal, some people are into swinging…whatever, we are all different and as long as there are consenting adults involved, it’s no one else’s business. And, for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t consent to the things you’ve described. But consent is key. Your boundaries are your boundaries and if you said “no” once is enough. That’s a no from you. If he won’t hear that or tries to make that a problem….then the problem is him!

What am I reading? Please, please end the relationship as soon as possible. This man is dangerous.

The sequence is always, just put his hands there and gauge your reaction. Then later in the sex, or on the next occasion, apply a little pressure and gauge your reaction. If you accept that, the pressure gets harder next time .... etc.

It's called conditioning.

All these cool women, whining about 'kink shaming'.

It is your poor teenage daughters who have slapping, anal and strangulation introduced immediately in the first few months of their young sexual lives, who are being shamed and pressurised into believing it is normal and fun and and what non- 'frigid' MN women should actually want.

That is what cool women stand for. They couldn't say no, they have made themselves OK with it, so no-one else should say no either. Even if that includes selling all future generations of young women down the river in order to feel accepted.

What is the fucking point of decades of women struggling for the consensuality of sex, for the equal enjoyment of sex between two adults?

Do you have any idea of the actual and real boundaries that the real kink and fetish community put in place so that both partners can truly enjoy it? It isn't by having a quick strangle or a slap or a bum action or worse with an unsuspecting and unwilling partner, ffs.

He's testing your boundaries, which he will only try to push further. I'd get rid of him.

Totally agree. Well said.

That's something that needs discussing before it's done at all. He will've known you would say no @Jemmajemma , that's why he did it without asking.

Also bum slapping hard, to which i said stop and he said no

Wow @Jemmajemma , please don't see this man again. I hope you aren't living with him.

@ShahRukhKhan

I don't think there is anything wrong with him trying it (and nothing wrong with you not liking it) but 100% it is wrong that he didn't listen when you told him not to do it.

You don't think there is anything wrong with him trying it without asking first?

Some of the above posts are spectacularly obtuse. He was 100% wrong to try doing it at all because those sorts of acts are not the sort that someone can 'just try to see if you like it'.

It is never okay to slap someone during sex without asking first.

It is never okay to put your hands round someone's throat during sex without asking first.

I don't give a flying fuck how many women might say they enjoy it, or how much people wail about 'kink shaming'. Trying to carry out physical assault and violence against your partner during sex without prior discussion and agreement regarding boundaries is straight up abusive.

And that's without even getting into the fact that he didn't stop when she said no.

A question for the posters above who say he had the right to 'try it out' - where do you draw the line between things that you can just 'try out' and things that need discussion first?

Choking obviously doesn't cross that line for you. How about hitting you around the head? Broken bones? Cutting with knives? Where exactly does the man's right to 'try out' violence during sex stop, in your eyes?

Choking is potentially lethal. It's fucking dangerous and belongs in the same category as those other acts of violence.

Jesus, just get rid!

It's truly disturbing that a kink that is real "edge play" and properly dangerous, is out in the wild in the mainstream as if it's just a bit of spice and something that blokes can just start doing to their partners without discussion or consent or safe-words.

Nope. Absolutely not acceptable behaviour.Discussion first, "It's a no from me", and it never happens again. Actually I wouldn't give him a second chance to strangle me, I'd run now, if this were my DP who had done this to me.

He did it without asking you . You said no. He did it again anyway. Leave. He's got no respect and maybe some will think I'm overreacting but I nearly died from someone doing this to me once..if you say no once and are ignored it will likely happen again. Leave him please

Tell your partner that this is how women get killed during sex. Because that’s the truth. It’s now treated as mainstream and that horrifies me. And I speak as someone who enjoys various BDSM activities but I would never let anyone near my neck. A huge no.

“It's truly disturbing that a kink that is real "edge play" and properly dangerous, is out in the wild in the mainstream as if it's just a bit of spice and something that blokes can just start doing to their partners without discussion or consent or safe-words.”

This with bells on. Should have known @category12 would nail it.

As I said before - this is how women get killed during sex. It’s hideous.

Ask him "Role play what?" Role play physically choking and raping me?

At this point I'd have accidentally roundhouse kicked him to the head and chucked him out my house.

Absolutely not you need to get rid of this man asap.

Acts like that should only be between CONSENTING adults, with someone you trust, accepts your boundaries, and absolutely listens to you.

I also like (sometimes) a hand on my throat, with my loving DH that I trust implicitly and without any pressure exerted. The difference is that we discussed it before we ever did it, and if I don't want it in any particular moment I tap his hand and he moves it immediately, and it stays moved.

It is not something I've ever done with a casual partner.

It's no more something to 'just try' during sex than anal would be. It requires discussion and boundaries and full consent from both parties FIRST.

Big red flags that he was so dismissive of that.

It is stupid and dangerous to do this. Yes, some people enjoy it. Some people enjoy doing coke, but that is also stupid and dangerous.

Regardless of what other people like, you don't like this. Dump him now, he acted entirely inappropriately.

Really? Gosh that's depressing.

The partner of one of the mums at my DC's former junior school is currently serving a life sentence for accidentally killing her best friend, who he was having an affair with, by doing just that.

Nice middle class school too.