Is this normal | Mumsnet

Hanstarlucky · 2022-08-19T06:45:40+00:00

Please hear me out as I’m not sure how I’m going to come across in this message, possible like a ranting brat so…. I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half. Things started off well then increasingly over the past 6 months I seem to be coming increasingly irritated and annoyed. is this normal?

ZekeZeke · 19/08/2022 07:49

No, not after a year and a half.

Lozzerbmc · 19/08/2022 07:52

You mean you are irritated and annoyed by him? No not normal and doesnt bode well for a long term happy relationship. Sounds like relationship has run its course.

MamaH22 · 19/08/2022 08:01

Need more info op ...

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 08:03

Maybe he’s an annoying person.
it’s taken a year for his irritating side to come out

or maybe you’re a bit mean
and it’s taken you a year before you’re ready to show him the real you

naybe he’s annoying and you are mean and it’s taken a year before you both realise that that dynamic works perfectly for you both. He gets to be irritating which he enjoys and you get to be mean to him, which you enjoy

love it all

girlmom21 · 19/08/2022 08:04

Irritated and annoyed with him specifically or in general life?

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/08/2022 08:09

What’s the back story? I take it he is irritating you by what he is doing/not doing? You are probably just starting to see the real him as the gloss is wearing off. Only you can decide if the issues that irritate you are deal breakers..

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:25

MamaH22 · 19/08/2022 08:01

Need more info op ...

Some examples…..he will book and pay for something like a gig last minute as a surprise then I will have to pay for the hotel, I don’t earn a great amount of money so need a bit of prior warning so I can save up.

if he stays over he just leaves his dishes around and puts his clothes in the dirty laundry which I’m then expected to wash

doesn’t bother opening his post and when he finally does has a bill he hasn’t paid and then he’s like “omg what am i going to do”

will ask me a question such as “does this look ok” and i reply saying yeah you look fab that top really suits you!…:he then goes on for the next 10 minutes of “are you sure, do you not think the other one looks better are you sure this is one looks ok etc”

omg I feel like I’m having a full on rant, I’m sure there are ways I will be annoying him too 😩

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Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:27

girlmom21 · 19/08/2022 08:04

Irritated and annoyed with him specifically or in general life?

It’s definitely with him. I have two children and sometimes feel like I am looking after another child. In fact I frequently feel like this

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Sux2buthen · 19/08/2022 08:27

Probably the Honeymoon phase wearing off. So, the time you decide if there's any point continuing

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:28

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 08:03

Maybe he’s an annoying person.
it’s taken a year for his irritating side to come out

or maybe you’re a bit mean
and it’s taken you a year before you’re ready to show him the real you

naybe he’s annoying and you are mean and it’s taken a year before you both realise that that dynamic works perfectly for you both. He gets to be irritating which he enjoys and you get to be mean to him, which you enjoy

love it all

i do not feel like I am being mean hence I’m venting and looking for advice on here.

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GreyCarpet · 19/08/2022 08:29

Well, yeah, it's normal in a relationship that has run its course.

I dont think it matters what the behaviours are that irritate you. Are you going to be less irritated by them because of the opinions of others posting here? It's just a sign that it isn't working any longer.

Drinkingpop · 19/08/2022 08:29

He sounds like an immature, needy manchild. He thinks you're his mummy.

LizzieSiddal · 19/08/2022 08:30

You should get annoyed with the examples you’ve given, (apart from the top thing, that sounds like he’s under confident) but the hotel and dishes thing- he’s taking the piss.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2022 08:30

Your relationship has simply run its course. You can't go anywhere good from here.

CrystalCoco · 19/08/2022 08:31

With your updates he doesn't really sound like an adult and as you say you already have two children, do you really want to look after a third?

Some posters will say you're lucky he puts his clothes IN the basket and not just leave them strewn around, some will say you're lucky he organises things like gig tickets.

Nope to both, he needs to fully adult alongside you, not just create more for you to deal with.

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:31

Sux2buthen · 19/08/2022 08:27

Probably the Honeymoon phase wearing off. So, the time you decide if there's any point continuing

I’m wondering if we should have just been friends instead, w heavenly slept together for months either

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Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:31

I’m wondering if we should have just been friends instead, w heavenly slept together for months either

Show quote history

“We havent

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sunlovingcriminal · 19/08/2022 08:33

You've only been together 18 months, but you haven't slept together for months...

I think if that's the case then things have run their course. At that stage if things were good, you'd still be having lots of intimacy!

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:34

CrystalCoco · 19/08/2022 08:31

With your updates he doesn't really sound like an adult and as you say you already have two children, do you really want to look after a third?

Some posters will say you're lucky he puts his clothes IN the basket and not just leave them strewn around, some will say you're lucky he organises things like gig tickets.

Nope to both, he needs to fully adult alongside you, not just create more for you to deal with.

Thankyou for your words. I understand the comment about the under confident thing. I’m not the most confident either and think he’s just seeking reassurance, I reassure him a lot I just find it difficult when it goes on and on when I’ve answered the question truthfully

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Rainbowbaby13 · 19/08/2022 08:35

The fact you haven't slept together for months in a fairly new relationship would be enough for me to end things.

Plus it doesn't sound like you a very compatible so it's not like you'll be losing much

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:36

sunlovingcriminal · 19/08/2022 08:33

You've only been together 18 months, but you haven't slept together for months...

I think if that's the case then things have run their course. At that stage if things were good, you'd still be having lots of intimacy!

I agree…to be honest I tried to end it last weekend but it didn’t go well and he talked me out of it and I caved

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Dery · 19/08/2022 08:37

If you haven’t slept together for months, then it sounds like you are just friends and he’s not a very good friend. He just makes more work and expense for you. You don’t need a third child and this doesn’t sound like a very good example for your children. I think it’s time to cut him loose.

KangarooKenny · 19/08/2022 08:37

Get rid, he using you as a surrogate mother.

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:37

Rainbowbaby13 · 19/08/2022 08:35

The fact you haven't slept together for months in a fairly new relationship would be enough for me to end things.

Plus it doesn't sound like you a very compatible so it's not like you'll be losing much

I agree. We like doing a lot of the same stuff but I realise you have to be compatible in so so many other ways

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Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 08:39

KangarooKenny · 19/08/2022 08:37

Get rid, he using you as a surrogate mother.

He’s got his own place and has started staying so much at mine I’ve had to say oh I think I need a bit of time on my own just work and the kids is stressful at the moment

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