Page 4 | Is this normal

Hanstarlucky · 2022-08-19T06:45:40+00:00

Please hear me out as I’m not sure how I’m going to come across in this message, possible like a ranting brat so…. I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half. Things started off well then increasingly over the past 6 months I seem to be coming increasingly irritated and annoyed. is this normal?

EverythingHeadinSouth · 19/08/2022 16:55

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 13:58

Is it cheeky?? I defo think it is but I thought maybe it’s normal? I must think it is cheeky as I feel so angry when he’s put his clothes in the washing basket

Show quote history

Reverse the genders and think about it from that angle. Would any normal woman ever dream of routinely dumping her dirty washing in her boyfriend's laundry and expecting him to wash it? Of course not, because it's not just cheeky, it's rude as hell. Only a man would do that and to be clear, a man who feels utterly entitled to have his partner do all his domestic drudgery.

Watchkeys · 19/08/2022 16:56

It's a bit scary when you realise that you are one of the people you have to look after in your life. It's just like with your kids... don't encourage them to hang around with people they fight with. Easier all round just to stay separate. Don't encourage them to eat crap, because they'll probably feel crap, either later today, or in a more long term way. Don't encourage them to do activities that make them want to scream; point them in the directions that make them feel excited and competent and challenged in a good way.

Do it all just the same for yourself. You will be demonstrating for them how to be an adult who gets their needs met, and makes their own life easy. That's an example you'd want to set, isn't it? So that they can copy you and do the same for themselves?

I suspect that your parents were not responsible for themselves in this way either... sorry if I'm miles off the mark, there.

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 17:09

Watchkeys · 19/08/2022 16:56

It's a bit scary when you realise that you are one of the people you have to look after in your life. It's just like with your kids... don't encourage them to hang around with people they fight with. Easier all round just to stay separate. Don't encourage them to eat crap, because they'll probably feel crap, either later today, or in a more long term way. Don't encourage them to do activities that make them want to scream; point them in the directions that make them feel excited and competent and challenged in a good way.

Do it all just the same for yourself. You will be demonstrating for them how to be an adult who gets their needs met, and makes their own life easy. That's an example you'd want to set, isn't it? So that they can copy you and do the same for themselves?

I suspect that your parents were not responsible for themselves in this way either... sorry if I'm miles off the mark, there.

I agree.

with my parents I’m not sure. I lost my mum 8 years ago to cancer, they were married for 40 years. My parents were not strict, They never shouted, just talked to us as human beings and although they weren’t strict myself and my 2 brothers were never particularly naughty. I do think my mum put our needs before her own a lot though and it wasn’t until we got older where I witnessed her do her own hobbies etc. my dad used to take the piss a bit tho and I think my mum had to take the burden of that alot

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 19/08/2022 18:42

my dad used to take the piss a bit tho and I think my mum had to take the burden of that alot

There you go. We copy what our parents do. Your boyfriend is taking the piss, you are taking the burden. Carry on the pattern to the next generation, or show your kids that to have a healthy relationship, you say what you want, and you walk away if you don't get it.

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 19:00

EverythingHeadinSouth · 19/08/2022 16:55

Reverse the genders and think about it from that angle. Would any normal woman ever dream of routinely dumping her dirty washing in her boyfriend's laundry and expecting him to wash it? Of course not, because it's not just cheeky, it's rude as hell. Only a man would do that and to be clear, a man who feels utterly entitled to have his partner do all his domestic drudgery.

Show quote history

Exactly.

Can you imagine it.

35 years ago I shared a flat and we had a laundrette nearby. Saturday morning was the only time we could make it as it closed at mid day and we never made it in the evening.

So no matter what hour of the night we were out until 4-5am on the piss, we had to do laundry for the week.

My lovely flatmate had a newish boyfriend and he came over one friday night, had a bag with him and said he needed to do his laundry too.

We went out, got home very late and fell out of bed to do the laundry as per usual.

When we got back nearly 2 hours later, he was genuinely shocked she hadn't done his too.

I will never forget the laugh I got upon overhearing her asking him "are you on drugs"?

The cheek and entitlement of it.🙄😁

35 years ago without anyone telling us, we would not have dreamed of doing the laundry or tidy a boyfriends flat.

I never lifted a finger if I went to a boyfriends flat. I brought wine if he was cooking, like a normal person.

Start as you mean to go😙

Shouldbedoing · 19/08/2022 19:06

He's annoying me now. And I've never met him.

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 19:46

Shouldbedoing · 19/08/2022 19:06

He's annoying me now. And I've never met him.

I feel a bit awful now 😩 but I appreciate everyone’s advice, I messaged saying “I’m a bit worried you booked the gig and how much the whole thing will cost” he replied saying don’t worry about it I’ve got it all covered

OP posts:

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 19:46

I feel a bit awful now 😩 but I appreciate everyone’s advice, I messaged saying “I’m a bit worried you booked the gig and how much the whole thing will cost” he replied saying don’t worry about it I’ve got it all covered

Show quote history

But it doesn’t erase all the other stuff that are issues.

OP posts:

OldFan · 19/08/2022 19:55

He annoys you @Hanstarlucky . Simple as that.

Oh and of course the taking you for granted is not ok.

Time to end the relationship and stick to it this time.

Original poster

Hanstarlucky · 19/08/2022 20:21

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 19:00

Exactly.

Can you imagine it.

35 years ago I shared a flat and we had a laundrette nearby. Saturday morning was the only time we could make it as it closed at mid day and we never made it in the evening.

So no matter what hour of the night we were out until 4-5am on the piss, we had to do laundry for the week.

My lovely flatmate had a newish boyfriend and he came over one friday night, had a bag with him and said he needed to do his laundry too.

We went out, got home very late and fell out of bed to do the laundry as per usual.

When we got back nearly 2 hours later, he was genuinely shocked she hadn't done his too.

I will never forget the laugh I got upon overhearing her asking him "are you on drugs"?

The cheek and entitlement of it.🙄😁

35 years ago without anyone telling us, we would not have dreamed of doing the laundry or tidy a boyfriends flat.

I never lifted a finger if I went to a boyfriends flat. I brought wine if he was cooking, like a normal person.

Start as you mean to go😙

Show quote history

Are you on drugs 😂😂

OP posts:

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 20:44

@Hanstarlucky she was great fun. Never took an ounce of faff from any man and made me laugh so hard so many times.
We flat shared for two years and partied so hard back in the late 80's.

I'm with @Shouldbedoing, he's bugging me too😁, get rid.

You deserve so much better.