Apparently I have no personality... according to my husband...

[Yesandwhat]

After years of being told what I really think and why I do the things I do by my husband, I finally told him that my real motivation for being anxious, miserable and unhappy is because he makes me feel that way.

His response? Sniggering and saying he 100% disagreed. He went onto say that I ruined the holiday. I actually was upset on the holiday because a close friend of mine had died unexpectedly AND my husband is a glutton for drink - it was an AI holiday and so I was super anxious that he'd get a taste for it again.

I'd had a row with him before the holiday (the day we were to set off) because he'd made a comment that illnesses e.g. cancer are sometimes/often caused by poor mental health. This made me furious because 3 days before, I'd lost my friend to cancer. It seemed like an evil thing to say and I told him such. He AGAIN said he 100% didn't agree and that his viewpoint had been clinically proven and so I shouldn't be mad. He works in health.

He then was angry that I was angry with him and made me do the night drive down to Heathrow as a punishment... though he said me being angry had exhausted me and that's the reason why.

Anyway, today I just told him he had made me unhappy on holiday and in life in general and that I have tried but can't find a way to see how we can get on. He agreed and said it was because I have no personality outside of work.

Not sure why I'm posting this... just would like to hear some thoughts other than the ones going round in my head. Sorry.

My thought is that your husband is an abusive arsehole and that you should start divorce proceedings tomorrow.

I'm really sorry. He's a horrible horrible man who is gaslighting you and deliberately destroying your self esteem.

He sounds absolutely awful, how long have you been together?

Wouldn’t you be happier without him bringing you down all the time?

He sounds ignorant and horrible. Don't for a minute believe you have no personality. He's just saying nasty things to lash out at you because he's threatened by the fact that you're standing up for yourself by questioning the relationship and calling him out for how he makes you feel.

It sounds like he's been making you miserable for years. Get rid.

Emotional abuse. I guarantee you'll feel a million times better without him in your life.

I hope you’re at peace with the end of your marriage, I’m sure you’ll feel immeasurably better being away from this terrible man.

Sorry for the loss of your friend, take care of yourself. Life isn’t to be wasted

I've just sent my first text to tell a friend that we're probably going to separate.

I'm terrified. My son will be so sad.

My first ever LTB. You honestly sound like you would be so much happier without him. He laughed in your face when you told him how you feel - I would find that very hard to forgive.

You should be seeing a solicitor at your very first opportunity. Your marriage is doomed. It's already over.

He sounds awful. And maybe your son will be happier when you are not being bullied like this.

My son is 7 and has quite significant special needs. I do know that he will try and manipulate him to believe bad shit about me.

Once you are rid of him, you will discover again that you have a beautiful, rich, likeable, lovable personality. And you will be much happier in your own company than in his.

Of course you are worried for your son, but he deserve a happy, relaxed, empowered mother. Not a victim. And do you want him to grow up thinking that the way your husband treats you is the way he should treat women? Will that set him up for a happy life?

So I need to see the solicitor - what do I ask? what do I say?

Your son will probably be happier than you can imagine- because you will be!
believe me OP (I am very well versed in this precise scenario).
Get rid of this horrible, cruel man.
Your son will thrive.
Stick to that thought and you can do ANYTHING

I'm sad to read your post OP. Well done for telling him how you feel. He doesn't sound pleasant, is he ever nice to you?
There's always misunderstanding and poor communication in any relationship but actual nastiness and vindictiveness is another matter.
It sounds like you may have a lot of thoughts whirring round because of his behaviour.
Try to remove yourself when you can from his company to help clear your mind and speak to someone you feel able to trust. Hope you can get support.

The weird thing is, I don't hate him. I just want to be amicable but not together. Why is that??

He also says that I can leave... so it sounds like he thinks he's keeping the house and everything we own. He's also a qualified solicitor so basically I'm screwed aren't I?

Yesandwhat · Today 23:03

He also says that I can leave... so it sounds like he thinks he's keeping the house and everything we own. He's also a qualified solicitor so basically I'm screwed aren't I?
Sorry I thought that you said that he works in health?

That's right, but doesn't practice anymore. He moved into Health (government work).

His personality sucks ass. You know what to do right

But it shows you that he knows nothing about health and what causes cancer. He is an absolute bellend and you and your son deserve better.

You need a very good solicitor in that case. If you can't get personal recommendations, then you need to explore review sites. I looked in the Legal 500 to find mine. I'm guessing his area of law isn't divorce law but he will probably try and bamboozle you.

Your son will be happy when you are happy.

You don't hate him because you haven't realised he's been abusing you. It'll suddenly hit you once you spend time away from him. You've been brainwashed. Probably gradually worn you down over the years. You deserve better.

You are all so much wiser than I am! I know what you're saying is absolutely on the money.

It's like stockholm syndrome. I'm trying to find ways in which I can identify with him and believe what he is saying is right.