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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In love with a married man

90 replies

specialdelovery · 17/08/2022 22:34

I'm in love with a married man 😫.

We was seeing each other for a while and it ended because well he is married.

We still have a great connection it's magnetic. We don't communicate via phone but we do talk if we see each other in person.

I know I need to move on from this

Advice on how to move on please, has anyone been in this position?

OP posts:
SucculentSunshine · 17/08/2022 22:38

Cut all ties and treat it as a normal break up. Work on yourself. Download tinder and date some men who are single.

Swimmer29 · 17/08/2022 22:45

If I were in your position I’d absolutely call his wife and tell her exactly what has gone on.

Then, she will either decide to stick with the miserable b*stard or kick him out and you can decide whether or not you want him (if he wants you).

Its probably the only way to get him out of your head. You’ll also be doing the wife a huge favour and possibly yourself i.e. if you and him are meant to be. Then you’ll know whether the magnetism still exists when the excitement and ego boost that comes from sh*gging another woman’s husband is over. He might be annoyed at you to begin with but he’ll probably come crawling back if the wife doesn’t take him back.

tootiredforanything · 17/08/2022 22:54

Swimmer29 · 17/08/2022 22:45

If I were in your position I’d absolutely call his wife and tell her exactly what has gone on.

Then, she will either decide to stick with the miserable b*stard or kick him out and you can decide whether or not you want him (if he wants you).

Its probably the only way to get him out of your head. You’ll also be doing the wife a huge favour and possibly yourself i.e. if you and him are meant to be. Then you’ll know whether the magnetism still exists when the excitement and ego boost that comes from sh*gging another woman’s husband is over. He might be annoyed at you to begin with but he’ll probably come crawling back if the wife doesn’t take him back.

Are you for real?

J0y · 17/08/2022 22:55

Go no contact for your own sanity.

I don't doubt you have a connection but how can you get over him if you're still in touch.

No matter how real the connection, it can only harm you in the long run.

Go no contact and feel yourself getting over him a day at a time.

Kateandherbush · 17/08/2022 22:57

Look up limerence.

Pom87 · 17/08/2022 22:59

Swimmer29 · 17/08/2022 22:45

If I were in your position I’d absolutely call his wife and tell her exactly what has gone on.

Then, she will either decide to stick with the miserable b*stard or kick him out and you can decide whether or not you want him (if he wants you).

Its probably the only way to get him out of your head. You’ll also be doing the wife a huge favour and possibly yourself i.e. if you and him are meant to be. Then you’ll know whether the magnetism still exists when the excitement and ego boost that comes from sh*gging another woman’s husband is over. He might be annoyed at you to begin with but he’ll probably come crawling back if the wife doesn’t take him back.

Please don't tell his wife. It might feel like the right thing to do, or that it might break them up and you'll get what you want, but it will cause untold additional grief in future. Not worth it for you.

I've been in your position before. Drove me mad. Going no contact, blocking him on everything was the only way I got past it.

Swimmer29 · 17/08/2022 22:59

I don’t think I’d move on from it unless I had some closure. The wife also deserves to know.

GoneDoneBye · 17/08/2022 23:27

The thing is that man you love would very much love himself first. He's unlikely to put you first when his own lifestyle threatened.

He might have dissatisfaction in his marriage and unable to solve it. Being with you is just a comfort he's holding onto, but eventually not worth losing everything for, especially if there are any children involved.

If it's not you, someone else would be the role.

True love is rare and you can't tell until it becomes ugly.

I've been there. In the end, it's always me who got hurt /abandoned. And I'm learning to truly get over him and stop caring.

Sandra1984 · 17/08/2022 23:40

You were blatantly used and discarded OP, he knew he was never going to leave his wife but chose to sample the goods with you for a while because it’s fun and great for his ego. You’re probably not his first rodeo nor you’ll be his last. As painful as I’m sure this is make it a nice lesson for the future: never date a partnered person. Nothing good comes from it, only heartbreak and a blow to your self esteem.

And don’t sweat it, we’ve all done stupid stuff and made mistakes. You live you learn. Only tell the wife if that’s going to make you feel better, otherwise move on.

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 23:43

Christ you have the nerve to use a parenting site with women who have experienced their own dh cheating to complain about your affair partner ghosting you. You got some big balls il give you that

Pom87 · 17/08/2022 23:45

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 23:43

Christ you have the nerve to use a parenting site with women who have experienced their own dh cheating to complain about your affair partner ghosting you. You got some big balls il give you that

Oh seriously, get a grip.

FayCarew · 17/08/2022 23:47

You don't love him, you love who you think he is.
He was a married man cheating on his wife and probably was using you for sex.

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 23:47

Pom87 only person I feel sorry for is this blokes poor wife. Appalling behaviour. Seen far too many threads about women whos world are fallening apart. I don't think mn is an appropriate place to vent about your boyfriend not leaving his wife.

Original poster
specialdelovery · 17/08/2022 23:50

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 23:43

Christ you have the nerve to use a parenting site with women who have experienced their own dh cheating to complain about your affair partner ghosting you. You got some big balls il give you that

Im a parent in love with a married man, does that give me ground to use a parenting site, I have just as much right to seek advice and express myself as anyone else.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 23:53

specialdelovery have you write the number threads of women breaking their hearts after finding out their life partner has been cheating.

Original poster
specialdelovery · 17/08/2022 23:58

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 23:53

specialdelovery have you write the number threads of women breaking their hearts after finding out their life partner has been cheating.

Yes but you have also just jumped to many conclusions because I did not disclose much information and it also states that it ended because he is married ..

So it's very judgemental of you to assume you have all the information and say you are sick of seeing these posts .The heading was clear if you do not wish to see them not to read them or comment. I did not ask specifically for your opinion and yes I understand many women are hurting because of their DH but woman are also hurting because said DH is not being honest with all parties involved.

OP posts:
Glitteratitar · 18/08/2022 00:01

You were his bit on the side, his fuck buddy whilst his wife was at home trusting her husband and probably happy with her life.

Have some self respect FGS.

Sandra1984 · 18/08/2022 00:02

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 23:53

specialdelovery have you write the number threads of women breaking their hearts after finding out their life partner has been cheating.

The OP was not cheating on anyone, it was him. The heartbroken brigade needs to direct their anger to the one who had a pact/arrangement with, not with some random lady who was sweet talked into a “please help me escape my sexless marriage “.

CheekyHobson · 18/08/2022 00:17

To be fair, to be able to be sweet-talked into an affair because of claims of a sexless marriage or “my wife doesn’t understand me” shows a marked absence of personal values/strength of character or a level of naïveté surprising in someone who is old enough to be a parent.

Sandra1984 · 18/08/2022 00:25

CheekyHobson · 18/08/2022 00:17

To be fair, to be able to be sweet-talked into an affair because of claims of a sexless marriage or “my wife doesn’t understand me” shows a marked absence of personal values/strength of character or a level of naïveté surprising in someone who is old enough to be a parent.

I hope you’ve never fessed up out of sheer naivety or made a bad choice, lucky you (I on the other hand have made a few). This man was lying and misleading two women yet the OP is the bad guy? Oh the misogyny.

Derbee · 18/08/2022 00:26

Sit down and think about it all logically. Do you really want to set your bar so low that you will pine after a man who cheats on his wife?

Expect better. Look for better. He’s used you for cheap thrills and you’ve fallen in love. It’s embarrassing really, and you should feel you deserve more.

does that help?

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