Page 3 | In love with a married man

specialdelovery · 2022-08-17T21:34:43+00:00

I'm in love with a married man 😫. We was seeing each other for a while and it ended because well he is married. We still have a great connection it's magnetic. We don't communicate via phone but we do talk if we see each other in person. I know I need to move on from this Advice on how to move on please, has anyone been in this position?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 18/08/2022 12:35

PiecesofFive · 18/08/2022 12:19

Imagine him making love to his wife and with the all that sexual history that goes on between married couples, all the memories that you've had no part in, the house buying, the children, the grandchildren, whatever that has bonded them to be a team above and beyond what your stolen moments are.

Sex isn't love, it's disposable, forgettable and insignificant, the words uttered in the lead up and during sex are meaningless crap that men spout out to get a free shag.

In many cases these words would be used on wives but you've got a stubborn one here who believes women should fawn over him to get his end away, you played the part and gave him lots of attention without him actually having to try.

Men are very basic creatures, they are not emotional machines that crave love, they mostly crave sex, you find the distinction when the male wishes to share everything they have with you, not just their dick.

Find a sharer.

I'm sorry to pour cold water on that but when a married man is cheating, whatever sexual history and memories he shares with his wife don't amount to very much if the wife only knows part of it. It's easy to be mawkish about being 'the married one', but it's not a talisman against a cheating husband who cares for neither the wife nor the woman he's having the affair with.

He is already a 'sharer' and is the only one who has the 360 knowledge of what's going on.

PiecesofFive · 18/08/2022 12:40

I've always presumed that any man I found sexually attractive other than my husband was in a partnership or married, except when I was sixteen and fresh out of doing O levels.

Add into the mix that you have to text before 6pm, see them in the day and be given strict instructions to be time limited.

I'd guess in 99% of affairs with married men the ow is aware that he is living with someone else.

It's not rocket is it.

PiecesofFive · 18/08/2022 12:47

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Yes men are greedy characters.

And if you allow them free stuff, they will take it.

girlfriend44 · 18/08/2022 12:48

Swimmer29 · 17/08/2022 22:45

If I were in your position I’d absolutely call his wife and tell her exactly what has gone on.

Then, she will either decide to stick with the miserable b*stard or kick him out and you can decide whether or not you want him (if he wants you).

Its probably the only way to get him out of your head. You’ll also be doing the wife a huge favour and possibly yourself i.e. if you and him are meant to be. Then you’ll know whether the magnetism still exists when the excitement and ego boost that comes from sh*gging another woman’s husband is over. He might be annoyed at you to begin with but he’ll probably come crawling back if the wife doesn’t take him back.

I wouldn't do this at all
Bad advice. What if things get nasty and she takes it out on you
Your putting yourself in a dangerous position. Move on.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 18/08/2022 12:53

Raise your bar and stop dating cheaters.

Original poster

specialdelovery · 18/08/2022 12:57

I appreciate all the advice! I understand the situation is not right.
I definitely said It ended because he is married. I was not aware of the fact as we actually spent a lot of time together. Days and Nights.

I was mislead and have feelings I shouldn't have and now I'm feeling extremely judged because so many people have jumped to conclusions.

Thank you for those who gave advice and did not jump straight in with the judgemental comments.

OP posts:

tiggergoesbounce · 18/08/2022 13:01

Is it not more you are in love with the person you thought he was (before finding out he was married)

I think if you take a step back and see him for what he is and what he has done, what can you list that makes you still think hes a viable option for a future.

You are worth more than that and deserve better, please try and convince yourself of that, that way you won't need to get over him, you wont want him anyway.

PiecesofFive · 18/08/2022 13:03

specialdelovery · 18/08/2022 12:57

I appreciate all the advice! I understand the situation is not right.
I definitely said It ended because he is married. I was not aware of the fact as we actually spent a lot of time together. Days and Nights.

I was mislead and have feelings I shouldn't have and now I'm feeling extremely judged because so many people have jumped to conclusions.

Thank you for those who gave advice and did not jump straight in with the judgemental comments.

How long has it been going on.

GreyCarpet · 18/08/2022 13:05

specialdelovery · 18/08/2022 12:57

I appreciate all the advice! I understand the situation is not right.
I definitely said It ended because he is married. I was not aware of the fact as we actually spent a lot of time together. Days and Nights.

I was mislead and have feelings I shouldn't have and now I'm feeling extremely judged because so many people have jumped to conclusions.

Thank you for those who gave advice and did not jump straight in with the judgemental comments.

Tbf, you said you said it ended because he was married.

You didn't say who ended it or that you ended it because you discovered he was married.

People will respond to what you have written 🤷🏻‍♀️

Branleuse · 18/08/2022 13:07

Give your head a wobble. You are not star crossed lovers. Theres nothing magical or magnetic about him. Its just a bloke. A bloke that is already married yet still sniffing around other women making them feel all special. Dont be a twat.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 18/08/2022 13:07

I think you have to start looking at it really objectively.

This is a man who lied to you - you didn't know he was married

He also lied and cheated on his wife.

He has behaved horribly to you both.

It might be just me but how can you truly lose such a nasty, egotistical liar? How would you ever trust him not to cheat on you too?

Why aren't you angry? You deserve better.

If it were me, I would do everything possible to completely eliminate him from my life. Is that at all possible?

idrinkandiknowthings · 18/08/2022 13:14

I've been in your position OP, but I never asked him to leave his wife and he never said he would and he always spoke about her fondly. It's been 4 years since I last saw him or spoke to him and I love him still. It literally took me only until the beginning of July to unfriend him on FB and deleted all his messages and phone number. My feelings for him will never wane, but I feel lighter for taking those steps.

Whitehorsegirl · 18/08/2022 13:14

You need to realise that you were used for a while and then conveniently discarded when he got bored.

Raise your self-esteem and believe that you deserve to be with a man who is single, has a better moral compass and truly loves you.

Tell his wife. I always think that it is best not to cover up for cheating partners and that their spouse has the right to know what kind of lying, cheating loser they are married to. He is also putting her at risk of STIs by cheating. I would bet you were not the first and you will not be the last woman he cheats with.

Then, move on with your life.

Of course you will get some criticism here but I think people are simply giving you the reality of cheating with a married man: it is very unlikely to end in a happy ever after and it is simply morally wrong. There are many single men out there, you don't need to do this to yourself...

SpaceyGirl · 18/08/2022 13:28

So what if you love him? You won't die if you don't have him.
Try to think with your head not your clitoris.

ScurryfungeMaster · 18/08/2022 13:53

Someone who is willing to cheat on their partner is certainly no prize imho. So if I were you I'd block him on everything and focus on myself for a while, think about all the things that you dislike about him and before you know it you'll be questioning why you ever liked him in the first place. His wife deserves better and I'm sure you deserve better than being someone's bit on the side too. x

Chasingclouds100 · 18/08/2022 14:01

Hope you are ok OP and I don’t think you deserve some of these comments on here. I have been where you are, I once fell in love with a married man, he was a friend to start with and we then genuinely fell in love with each other.

youlightupmyday · 18/08/2022 14:28

I have been heartbroken by a few men over the years and also broke a couple of hearts ( including my exDH) and thought I would never find love in a healthy relationship. I did eventually.

Recently, I have started therapy and have realised that the reason why it took me so long to find the right partner is that I had so many issues from my parents and I didn't even know to address them as they were not obvious.

It was only when I hurt my current partner in an argument and he told me to address my, what in his mind were obvious, issues that I did. It has been mind-blowing.

I really would recommend therapy.

twoqueens · 18/08/2022 21:26

I haven't had an affair with a married man, but I have had a long-term fling with a man who was emotionally and sexually involved with a few women the same time he was with me.

I completely recognise it's my own vulnerabilities (I'm very lonely and I thought we had a special connection) that made me overlook his repeated using of me.
He knew exactly what yo say to keep me dangling. He took up so much of my headspace, but obviously I didn't take up much of his because I was just one of a few.

They are very very good at getting what they want, and if you are in anyway susceptible then you are screwed (literally).
I thought I had pretty good boundaries, but somehow he ended up hurdling all off them and at the same time making me feel like he was the one who needed protecting.

I feel for you, and it's so so tough, but honestly no contact is the only way to shake that shit off your shoe and hopefully move on to bigger and brighter things.

Orangetreexherry · 18/08/2022 22:12

Awwww it’s so cute when OW is advised ‘to raise the bar’ , ‘find self-respect’ and so on. As a wife who had been cheated on and divorced because of that, what about wife raises the bar, finds self-respect and seeks therapy for low self-esteem? And yes, my exh spent a little fortune on the OW. If your DH cheats on you, no point trying to humiliate the OW. As long as there are forgiving wives, there will be cheating husbands. Simple as that.

BrightBlueFlamingo · 18/08/2022 22:22

Come on OP, you're worth more than this.

Livelovebehappy · 18/08/2022 22:25

Just look at it with the view that he wasn’t in love with you. He was married but wanted you just for sex. He used you and would never have left his wife. Once you come to the realisation that this was no love story, you will be over him.

Marmitemother · 18/08/2022 22:30

@Orangetreexherry
"As long as there are forgiving wives, there will be cheating husbands. Simple as that"

As long as there are silly deluded single women with poor boundaries and little respect for themselves there will be cheating husbands. It takes two to tango!

Seems like OP has her head screwed on though and realises he's like 100% of cheaters by merely taking advantage and using her for sex.
When the cards fall, they rarely leave their wives.

Op you deserve to be someone's number 1.
Good luck

Orangetreexherry · 18/08/2022 22:37

Evan if there are no single women, there will be web chats, Porn sites etc. Is that any better? And yes, me exh told me stories it was only for sex etc. I just wasn’t deluded enough to buy it.

Orangetreexherry · 18/08/2022 22:42

Who’s Evan?))) Even

Sandra1984 · 18/08/2022 22:49

Orangetreexherry · 18/08/2022 22:37

Evan if there are no single women, there will be web chats, Porn sites etc. Is that any better? And yes, me exh told me stories it was only for sex etc. I just wasn’t deluded enough to buy it.

is that a new defense line: “hun, don’t worry, I just had a six month affair merely for the sex”

🤣😂🤣