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Original poster

How to tell someone about an affair.

127 replies

Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 13:42

Name changed for this.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I can tell someone that their husband is having an affair anonymously?
I cannot own it and tell her myself for many reasons so please don't suggest that.
I don't know her address. But do know phone number.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 16/08/2022 16:25

“I can't understand why people are saying you shouldn't say anything anonymously. I disagree, you absolutely should and there are many options to that if you have her phone number and can find her on socials. Especially as you'e said she already has her suspicions. I would go ahead and send her all the proof she needs and then it now out of your hands.

I'd want to know anonymous or not.”

^This. I would tell anonymously too

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 16:27

Why are people guessing sister, it could be her friend for all we know. Anyone.

Nellle · 16/08/2022 16:27

Don't do it. If you are anonymous and without proof you will add to this woman's torment three-fold.

"It's eating [you] up" suggests you would be telling her for your sake, not hers.

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 16:27

drpet49 · 16/08/2022 16:25

“I can't understand why people are saying you shouldn't say anything anonymously. I disagree, you absolutely should and there are many options to that if you have her phone number and can find her on socials. Especially as you'e said she already has her suspicions. I would go ahead and send her all the proof she needs and then it now out of your hands.

I'd want to know anonymous or not.”

^This. I would tell anonymously too

That’s so toxic.

Eon · 16/08/2022 16:34

If OP can find any piece of evidence at all that can back up her claim (which is not a claim as she knows 100% that the dirty husband is cheating) then why shouldn't she tell even if anonymously? I can bet if OP even hinted the affair to DW, she would put 2 and 2 together and figure it out. Most women already know when they're husband are having an affair.

Eon · 16/08/2022 16:36

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 16:27

That’s so toxic.

Show quote history

How though? She's not going on a hunch. She knows for a fact he's cheating.
If for example OP wasn't sure then fair enough I would say no, you need absolute, concrete, photographic evidence before you snitch anon but that's not the case is it?

Greenleevses · 16/08/2022 16:39

OWrevenge · 16/08/2022 14:53

I will forever be grateful to the person who anonymously tipped me off to the affair my DH was having

She didn’t send me concrete evidence and pics, but more of a ‘and if you need some proof, check his Uber account for a journey on this time and date, and you’ll see it was OW address and not a work dinner. And they also saw each other on the following dates’

It gave me a bit of time to corroborate a few things and also make sure I had enough detail so he couldn’t lie

He seemed genuinely baffled about how much I knew so came clean pretty quickly, which made it less messy and painful for me than if the details had emerged over months

I know some people would rather not know, but I think more people get eaten up by the suspicions and would want to know

If I had to do it, I would probably buy a 99p burner SIM card from the newsagents and whatsapp them to say something to the point and factual like ‘sorry for doing this anonymously but I wouldn’t want to be the messenger who gets shot
I know you already have some suspicions about <husband> but he is having an affair with <OW>
It started in…
they see each other weekly/when he says he is going running/when he is working late
I can’t give you photographic proof but I know they were together on X dates

I agree with this.

OWrevenge · 16/08/2022 16:48

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 15:40

Unfortunately that's not proof

You have nothing

So if you tell her anonymously she most likely won't take it seriously

Show quote history

It was enough for me…

if she has suspicions, she can do a bit more digging, whether that’s checking the frequent locations on his phone, receipts, taxi bookings etc

Not everyone needs a photo mid-shag as proof

MadonnasKebab · 16/08/2022 17:04

What do you want from telling this person?

ShandaLear · 16/08/2022 17:08

You need to tell with as much evidence as you can. I would definitely want to know if my DH was cheating. Who wouldn’t? Keeping silent about it is effectively condoning shoddy treatment of your ‘close’ person

Original poster
Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 17:17

I guess i just want it to end. For the OW to stop it. For her to see that he won't choose her, that he's a liar. The DW has also, unrelated to this, said awful things about the OW so to be honest I'm not particularly bothered about hurting her. (Sorry if thats triggering) My loyalty lies with OW and if I can get her away from this then good.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 16/08/2022 17:22

How long has it been going on? Truth is you can’t save your friend. You can just keep being reliable and help her see her worth.

One day she will and it will be both heartbreaking and glorious.

He’s manipulating her and prob his wife too. These kind of men are clever in the games they play.

CornishTiger · 16/08/2022 17:23

Also if someone interferes it might just push her deeper into it. Divide and conquer mentality.

CanofCant · 16/08/2022 17:29

The whole thing sounds a mess and none of you sound great. I'm guessing it's your daughter or sister.

I think the best thing is to just drop the rope. Don't engage or talk about her relationship with this man. Don't listen to her complain about his wife or any constraints there are against OW and gross man. Just grey rock it for your own sanity.

CanofCant · 16/08/2022 17:30

Sorry, I meant to include the CornishTiger has a point and by detaching yourself from this relationship drama you won't be pushing them further together as a unit.

WinterMusings · 16/08/2022 17:42

I think, in this case, as it's the OW you want to extract from the mess, I'd maybe contact the MM anonymously and tell him if he doesn't break it off with the OW, I'd be telling his wife all about it..

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 17:46

Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 17:17

I guess i just want it to end. For the OW to stop it. For her to see that he won't choose her, that he's a liar. The DW has also, unrelated to this, said awful things about the OW so to be honest I'm not particularly bothered about hurting her. (Sorry if thats triggering) My loyalty lies with OW and if I can get her away from this then good.

This is appalling. It’s really not your decision to make., who do you think you are playing god like this in the ow life?

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 17:50

It’s not a friend or a sister. The op doesn’t really know the wife. But knows she’s said awful things about the ow and you’d not do that to a wife or sister

op you don’t even know for sure if they are having an affair do you?

CanofCant · 16/08/2022 17:51

I meant a daughter or sister to the OP.

CornishTiger · 16/08/2022 18:05

It could be a work situation too.

LadyLolaRuben · 16/08/2022 18:15

If I had to relay a message anonymously using that method, I'd buy a cheap sim and do it over text or WhatsApp then destroy the sim card

Amandasummers · 16/08/2022 18:17

if the wife suspects already, then it's hardly surprising she's had a few choice words about the OW is it really 🤨 I couldn't be loyal to anybody who thought it was ok to do that to somebody else.

Teethdilema · 16/08/2022 18:25

@Anonymous1980 so the wife and the OW know each other? Are they ‘friends’?

tbh saying horrible things about someone that you suspect (and are correct) is sleeping with your husband isn’t really that terrible.

MamaH22 · 16/08/2022 18:39

You can create a fake number using different apps. You can always send her a message that way, with the photos attached of the evidence!

Extreme yes. But least she'd know.

Just explain in the text fully everything you know. And say sorry I don't have anymore information other than this.

I would rather know that not that my partner was a cheating scumbag!

Aprilx · 16/08/2022 18:44

Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 13:53

The OW is a very important person to me. I want to stop it but I don't want them to know it came from me.

If they are important to you then tell them. Or don’t tell them. But don’t mess with her head with a stupid anonymous letter (or whatever).