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Original poster

How to tell someone about an affair.

127 replies

Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 13:42

Name changed for this.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I can tell someone that their husband is having an affair anonymously?
I cannot own it and tell her myself for many reasons so please don't suggest that.
I don't know her address. But do know phone number.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
BoredWithLife · 16/08/2022 15:01

Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 13:53

The OW is a very important person to me. I want to stop it but I don't want them to know it came from me.

What exactly are you trying to stop? is the OW aware she is the OW? is it that you want to stop as opposed to the affair itself.

Considering this is the goal is to stop the affair for the OW's benefit, not the DWs, do you really care how you tell her? Are you also sure telling her will achieve the goal? what if the husband leaves and him and the OW decide to make a go of it?

ShahRukhKhan · 16/08/2022 15:05

I disagree with other posters. I would prefer an anonymous tip off bad enough to receive such news but to have to do it face-to-face with someone? I would much prefer to have my privacy and dignity when discovering such news. If you have evidence then give it that would take away the element of 'is this just a prank' etc.

ShahRukhKhan · 16/08/2022 15:07

Unrelated but why do posts keep getting lines through for no reason? I didn't do that. Keeps happening. Please ignore the strikethroughs.

cantbelieveheletmedown · 16/08/2022 15:10

I was told by a colleague of my DH, (he still to this day denies anything!) apparently it was the gossip of his workplace. I am forever grateful to the colleague and we are now really good friends.
I would rather know!

Cheminaufaules · 16/08/2022 15:12

cantbelieveheletmedown · 16/08/2022 15:10

I was told by a colleague of my DH, (he still to this day denies anything!) apparently it was the gossip of his workplace. I am forever grateful to the colleague and we are now really good friends.
I would rather know!

How did you know it was true though?

Eon · 16/08/2022 15:13

I can't understand why people are saying you shouldn't say anything anonymously. I disagree, you absolutely should and there are many options to that if you have her phone number and can find her on socials. Especially as you'e said she already has her suspicions. I would go ahead and send her all the proof she needs and then it now out of your hands.

I'd want to know anonymous or not.

Ponderingwindow · 16/08/2022 15:16

You can get a burner phone number and text the proof.

actual proof is the only way to do this anonymously. Really, you should own it and just do it.

yikesanotherbooboo · 16/08/2022 15:26

A close family member received an anonymous note when her DP was having an affair. She didn't believe it and thought it was office politics.

Original poster
Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 15:38

I don't have pictures but have information along the lines of PP, check his whereabouts on this day etc etc
I don't know what to do. I think the guy is manipulating the OW, as well as cheating on DW. I wouldn't want to do it as me as it would destroy my relationship with the OW.

OP posts:
badgerstink · 16/08/2022 15:39

I'd want to know but would want some evidence to back it up rather than unfounded claims. An anonymous text wouldn't bother me provided it gave enough detail to look further into things myself

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 15:40

Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 15:38

I don't have pictures but have information along the lines of PP, check his whereabouts on this day etc etc
I don't know what to do. I think the guy is manipulating the OW, as well as cheating on DW. I wouldn't want to do it as me as it would destroy my relationship with the OW.

Unfortunately that's not proof

You have nothing

So if you tell her anonymously she most likely won't take it seriously

Happymum12345 · 16/08/2022 15:46

from a woman who’s dh had an affair when my dc were very young; please find a way to let her know.

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 15:48

So you’ve no proof you only think? And you think the ow is very important to you so,you want to fuck her right up?

sunshineandstrawberryjam · 16/08/2022 15:50

Please don't inform the wife anonymously. I think it's such a cowardly toxic thing to do - she'll end up going mad, not being sure whether or not to believe you, and distrusting all her friends and support network because one of them might be the creepy anon. Tell or don't tell. Don't be weird and creepy about it.

LilliaJones · 16/08/2022 15:55

Anonymous1980 · 16/08/2022 13:53

The OW is a very important person to me. I want to stop it but I don't want them to know it came from me.

If this person is important to you, wouldn't she be equally upset if she knew you knew all along, and didn't tell her?

She deserves to know. I'd tell her. I think you should too if she is important to you. Would you want her to inform you if your partner was having an affair?

Please tell the poor woman.

category12 · 16/08/2022 15:59

If she's an important person to you, have the decency to tell her with love and care.

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 16:04

LilliaJones · 16/08/2022 15:55

If this person is important to you, wouldn't she be equally upset if she knew you knew all along, and didn't tell her?

She deserves to know. I'd tell her. I think you should too if she is important to you. Would you want her to inform you if your partner was having an affair?

Please tell the poor woman.

Show quote history

You’ve miss read it’s the ow who is important to her, not thr wife.

category12 · 16/08/2022 16:10

Oops sorry. I misread too.

I change my entire response and now think you need to stay quiet, other than trying to encourage your friend to see how she is being manipulated.

I think anonymous phonecalls etc are awful and it needs to come from someone who does care about the wife.

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/08/2022 16:13

I think you need to stay well out of this

You are close to the OW not the wife, it’s not right to use the wife to get the outcome you want for your friend.

Sending an anonymous note with no actual proof (and as far as I can see you don’t have any), is just going to drive the poor woman mad with worrying if it’s true or whether you are just someone wishing her harm (which you kind of are, let’s face it).

LilliaJones · 16/08/2022 16:18

@Dirtylittleroses

Oh apologies - I totally misread. I stand corrected.
Ignore me OP

AliceMcK · 16/08/2022 16:21

Friend of mine had an affair, she confided in her “best friend” who turned out to be a not so best friend. After ignoring my friend after the initial conversation she waited until friend and her DH were at work them called their house, not her mobile, leaving a voicemail saying tell your DH or I will, she knew full well any of the DCs or DH could have listed to the recording first. My friend had no choice but to tell her DH.

girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 16:23

I'd go and see the wife face to face and ask her to keep your name out of it.

RedBonnet · 16/08/2022 16:23

I'm imaging it's your sister having an affair with a married man, and you want to tell his wife hoping their affair will be known and therefore over?

  1. They might get together for real
  2. wife might ignore it
  3. Sister might get the blame

Etc

I think, at the end of the day, it's none of your business and you should forget about the wife and concentrate on supporting your *sister

*or whoever it is

This is my 2p worth from a complete stranger on MN, I'm sure in RL it would be different

maddy68 · 16/08/2022 16:25

If you can't own it don't tell her

What are you trying to achieve ? Who are you hurting and why?

Crazykatie · 16/08/2022 16:25

I would stay out of it, if I did have proof, like a photo of them in a compromising situation I would probably send it to him anonymously.