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Original poster

Keep seeing the same dog walker

107 replies

masinfortunelli · 16/08/2022 10:44

For the past few weeks I've started leaving for work earlier on two specific mornings. My husband leaves for work an hour and a half after I've left.

I know this sounds barking mad but I've noticed on these mornings when I'm leaving, a woman walking her dog up towards our house. I leave at roughly the same time give or take 5 minutes.

Prior to me changing my hours we had passed this woman a handful of times before at the end of the road where we'd stopped to have a quick dog chat. On those times, she always walked straight on after the chat. Now she's turning into our road. Our road isn't busy and doesn't go anywhere particularly nice.

Maybe she fancied a change. It just seems odd to me that I keep seeing her in the same place when I leave. Literally passing our neighbours' house towards ours.

It seemed to start after a morning where I was leaving for work in the car and DH had just taken the dog out and I passed DH and her chatting at the end of the road. Nothing suspicious, just a dog thing where they (the dogs) say hello briefly.

I'm getting vibes but I'm not thinking affair. Reading this back it sounds paranoid I know but something feels off about it. Any advice (short of seeing a shrink)?!

OP posts:
Whattimedoyoucallthisthen · 18/09/2022 11:42

But did you ever turn back home, pretending you’d forgotten something, was she around?

whatsup00 · 18/09/2022 11:55

OMG, that's shocking. I'm so sorry. I read the first post and thought it was probably nothing, but when you know, you know - and you knew something was up with it.

I hope you get to the bottom of it.

I hate people who cheat.

Noteverybodylives · 18/09/2022 12:11

I think you’re jumping the gun here.

Just because she’s on the same dating site then him doesn’t mean they’re having an affair.

Setting her preferences at ‘Any’ means she doesn’t mind if they’re widowed, divorced, have children etc which most people set their preferences too.

You seem more concerned that she’s on it, rather than the physical proof that you have that your DH has been on a dating site looking for other women and most probably cheating on you - it doesn’t really matter if it’s this women or not.

CuriousMama · 18/09/2022 12:17

Oh no ☹️

clpsmum · 18/09/2022 12:32

Omg op that's terrible. Wish there were something I could say to make you feel better what a horrible situation. Glad you trusted your gut

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/09/2022 12:34

I am sorry OP.

Take screenshots, and as you say, give yourself some time to plan.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/09/2022 12:35

Noteverybodylives · 18/09/2022 12:11

I think you’re jumping the gun here.

Just because she’s on the same dating site then him doesn’t mean they’re having an affair.

Setting her preferences at ‘Any’ means she doesn’t mind if they’re widowed, divorced, have children etc which most people set their preferences too.

You seem more concerned that she’s on it, rather than the physical proof that you have that your DH has been on a dating site looking for other women and most probably cheating on you - it doesn’t really matter if it’s this women or not.

I think the OP is well aware of all this. She's not an idiot.

Catlitterqueen · 18/09/2022 12:46

Snoken · 16/08/2022 12:25

It is really normal for dog owners to go out the same time every morning and do the same route. My alarm goes off at 5.45, at 6am I take my dogs out. We always do the same 30 minute walk and we usually bump in to roughly the same people. It's not because I am desperate to cheat, I just have a routine.

^This!
I leave for work at 6:50 and generally wave at the guy walking his Labrador past the entrance to our building. It’s a timing thing not the start of an affair!
OP I think perhaps you’re over thinking things here?

Mosso · 18/09/2022 13:33

Ah what a prick

Ihatethenewlook · 18/09/2022 13:38

Oh shit. How long ago did he create and then delete it? I’m not sure if it’s best to confront him with only this evidence so far (unless this is already a dealbreaker for you)? He’ll fob you off with I did it because I was bored/lonely (all your fault), I never met anyone and realised it was a mistake which is why I deleted it right after

Noteverybodylives · 18/09/2022 13:42

I think the OP is well aware of all this. She's not an idiot.

Not everyone is familiar with OLD.

OP obviously took it to mean something else which is why she mentioned it.

dontputitthere · 18/09/2022 13:44

Ah shit. I'm sorry. I read your post ages ago and didn't have anything more to add. I'm sorry you've discovered more to it.

Do you know when the profile was created? To be honest that's a massive deal breaker before you get into the rest of it

Hope you're okay. Do you have any real life support?

deedledeedledum · 18/09/2022 14:01

Snoken · 16/08/2022 12:25

It is really normal for dog owners to go out the same time every morning and do the same route. My alarm goes off at 5.45, at 6am I take my dogs out. We always do the same 30 minute walk and we usually bump in to roughly the same people. It's not because I am desperate to cheat, I just have a routine.

But the dog walker has changed her route and now goes up OPs road (that goes nowhere). Not saying It means anything but just pointing out why OP feels weirded out

deedledeedledum · 18/09/2022 14:06

OP well done to your spidey sense but sorry to have found out this shit. So he met her and deleted his dating app as he no longer needed it?

dottiedodah · 18/09/2022 14:09

I am sorry OP but its not looking too good.This woman has decided she wants to look for a partner and is not concerned about their status! Sadly Dog walking is it seems a perfect cover for an illicit affair.

Johnnysgirl · 18/09/2022 14:13

DH would think nothing about inviting dog owners round but it would be extremely out of character for him not to mention it. I agree it's looking for trouble asking a woman round but DH wouldn't see it like that. He invites all kinds of people. Any age or gender.
This is strange in itself... I wouldn't dream of asking anyone round so our dogs can play in the garden together. What's wrong with the park?

lljkk · 18/09/2022 14:21

oh FFS, that's terrible, OP. Glad you can find headspace to calmly decide your next move.

PepperSprayFirstApologiseLater1 · 18/09/2022 15:05

Well done for following your gut instinct. I'm so sorry.

MsDogLady · 18/09/2022 22:33

So it appears that she is not the random dog walker as presented to you; that they met on the dating site and are using the dogs as cover to meet up after you leave, likely in your home/garden. How utterly devious.

His joining the dating site alone would be an absolute dealbreaker in my marriage. I’m so sorry.

CuriousMama · 21/09/2022 08:21

@masinfortunelli have you gathered any more information?

Cheminaufaules · 21/09/2022 09:24

Putting aside the issue of him having created a dating profile, I find this disturbing because they are pretending not to know one another (except as dog people who occasionally bump into each other) and it appears she is actively seeking to be in the vicinity of your house.
It sounds a bit 'cat and mouse' to me, which implies game-playing. A game you are excluded from.
Could it be possible that they had met originally as dog people, she got round to mentioning she was on a dating site, then he joined to check out her profile/send her a message via the site?

Bookworm20 · 21/09/2022 11:33

Oh, thats horrible to find OP.

Lets just hope that it was a simple case of that he had his ego stroked slightly by her attention, or she let on to him she was on this particular dating sight and he signed up briefly to have a look. You say he deleted it very soon after, so perhaps his common sense kicked in and he deleted it realsing what a prick he was being.
Lets hope anyway.
But still does not forgive that he did that in the first place. Because he would surely have done it for one reason only and that was to check out her profile. Possibly more.

Have you seen her around lately? I am really just hoping it was a case of him getting the wrong message from her being friendly because of the dogs, and acting like a twat because of the new attention from a young woman. And shes since realised and distanced from him. Does not excuse it in the least, he should own this 100% when you bring it up with him.

MsDogLady · 24/09/2022 18:06

@masinfortunelli, I’ve been thinking of you. Did you ever confront him?

LuckyLil · 24/09/2022 21:54

A real shock that your instinct was right and something wasn't quite right. I wouldn't jump the gun regarding her straight away as I always take my dog out at the same time and bump into the same people but you do now know that even if he hasn't already cheated, he did intend to. I know it's not necessarily a good thing but most people wouldn't recognize their instinct or at least trust it. You did and were right. You'll probably find there were other subtle changes in his behaviour too leading up to this if you look back.

WhileAFoxIsWatching · 25/09/2022 07:18

I haven't done online dating for a very long time. Do you mean to say that on these apps/sites, you can set your preference for the other person's relationship status, meaning that you can choose to be in contact with married or partnered people? If so, is this standard? To state the obvious, this would be immoral as a built-in feature. Is this what's going on?

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