Partner won't accept my ASD child and I'm pregnant with his child

[Itsme223]

Hi everyone

I'm in a really difficult situation and I don't know what to do for the best. I am pregnant with my partners child and have moved into his house with my son who has ASD. He is non verbal but makes lots of noises all day, cant follow instructions and is generally in his own world. My partner can't deal with this and we have had arguments upon arguments and I moved back home only to move back again after him apologising saying he will work on accepting my child etc etc. We have had so many discussions about how it makes me feel, how my Son doesn't mean to behave the way he does etc everything is ok for a few days then my partner can't handle it again. We have just had the same chat we keep having where he tells me he can't handle it and I don't know what I should do. I have tried taking him out, my partner has tried going out but as soon as he is back he just gets so frustrated with my son I end up on edge and uncomfortable.

I really feel like I am left with no choice but to move home with my Son because the whole situation is seriously affecting my mental health and I can't convince my partner to deal with it any better. I think this is the only solution and I think deep down I know this but I keep trying for the sake of my unborn child to make it work with my partner. Im really down about the whole situation.

I don’t think there can be a future with this man sadly. He’s made it clear how he feels. I also have a dc with autism, non verbal, incontinent, they have very challenging, self injurious behaviour which can be really difficult to witness.
You may be able to co-parent really well but it doesn’t sound like living together will work.

I was going to say this also. Your son has no-one else he can rely on unconditionally. You can't let him down.

I am so so sorry.

@Lovemypeaceandquiet easier to judge if you link to the research. There’s a HUGE difference between a 5% chance and a 20% chance. I’d guess given the severity of OPs son’s autism she has asked her Dr anyway. Surely if you’re suggesting a pregnant woman aborts her child you have done your research.

You're making up your own thread there. He didn't nobly speak up to save the child pain. They had endless arguments unless the OP left, then he begged her to go back before starting up the same shit again. Why are you excusing him?

I didn't say he nobly spoke up to save the child pain.

Being honest that you can't handle living with your girlfriend's seriously disabled child is the right call. He wants OP and the relationship but they can't live together. OP is the one moving a child with disabilities back and forth between homes and putting him in an environment with someone who can't handle him.

OPs boyfriend has zero duty of care to the child of his girlfriend. He sounds like a good guy who wants to make it work and wishes it could work therefore says he will try but in reality he can't. That is the reality. OP needs to move out with her son and no moving back.

It wouldn't make OP a bad person either if HE had a seriously disabled son and she realized after moving that she coudln't handle that. Made an effort and tried again but realized she couldn't handle it.

He sounds like a good guy who wants to make it work

Based on what?

@Christmasiscominghohoho
Do not attack the messenger, because you can't face up to reality/fact.

To be crystal clear, I could never do it, but very sadly I do know someone who did (and seemingly very coldly) go through with it 😪

How are you op?

Bring harsh I think it was bonkers of ye to ttc without having lived together first particularly when you do have a child. ( additional needs aside even)
I think parenting a child with additional needs is really difficult even for a biological parent surely ye realised that it was going to be extra challenging for a new partner without any experience of children of his own
, it was terribly risky to just move in together and hope for the best
I think posters on here are a bit unfair , his inability to cope with someone else's child doesn't automatically make him a terrible person in my eyes. He does seem to be want to make it work , he just doesn't have it in him.
It's just a pity ye both let it get this far.

???
if
you think he’s a good guy I dread to think who you view as a selfish one